Started the year with no baby.
TSH continued to show improved.
But had never stopped trying despite having learned how hypothyroid can hinder my fertility.
Uneventful. Kept the whole months busy learning to use the EL500 and catching up with my precious old songs collection sitting in my library.
Period came.
Feb 2008
Chinese New Year and entertained many same old question "Don't want children, meh?"
Blood test showed TSH, T3 and T4 improving. Cut back on thyroxine to 75mg.
Period came.
March 2008
TSH showed further improvement. Cut further to thyroxine 25mg.
The weigh scale smiled and pointing at 55kg.
Great! Things looking good and we went to Hatyai to make another grand prayer.
Busied ourselves with little fun at calculating baby's d.o.b and bazi.
Spent little thought on pregnancy. Just kept to the regime.
Period came.
April 2008
The TSH took a dive. Enraged. Started back on 75mg.
Silently sending out waves of unspoken curses to my our own karma.
Passing days with disgusted sights of low income couples on the streets with heavily pregnant wives who i believe, don't even know the importance of folic acid.
That was it. We hopped on a plane and flew to Vientiane and Luang Prabang for holiday.
Period came.
May 2008
TSH showed tremendous improvement. Oooo.... holiday proven to helped to take off my stress.
Cut thyroxine down to 25mg.
But the intake of folic acid had given me painful lumps on both armpits.
On top of that, constipation seemed moving like 25kmph.
Whole body tak syiok.
Period came.
June 2008
TSH continued to hold well. Maintained at 25mg.
With an anniversary of TTC on one hand and half a new year gone on the hand, we figured we needed to revisit our bazi for clues.
A master advised us to pledge with a Kam Fa Leong Leong deity at Jalan 4/44, PJ.
We went, pledged and took one yellow and one red fake tulips home as advised by the nuns.
Took a cycle of Clomid 100mg for contingency to ensure success if the deity decided to lend her divine help to us leh.
To prepare our mind for a good romping throughout the ovulation days, we decided it was time we took a vacation. Off to Jogjarkarta in a private 2-person tour.
Experienced strong pre-menstrual symptoms but waned off 3 days before flushing.
I was 5 days late.
Was it still me (i mean my fertility problem?) or divine didn't help?
July 2008
A good friend recommended a Chinese TCM dr with good case reference.
Also managed to meet Joey Yap for Bazi reading.
Predicted a high possibility within the Autumn months.
Started on our first dosage of herbal meds too.
First to wean off my dependency on thyroxine and to 'heat-up' my womb.
To Dino dad, lots of male booster pills and reduce foaming in urine.
An exiting month but ended with yet another period.
Aug 2008
Continued the same tcm treatment. Yuck! yuck! I've never taken well to herbs.
Spent RM400 for every 2-week appointment.
And the US sup-prime news was damn disturbing. Quickly withdrew investment from share market.
Sinseh continued sharing her many success-story-patients with us.
Felt like a long time since i last had had a flatter tummy in the morning.
Generally, physiology-wise, we both felt great.
Continued our missions on time.
Yet, another month of seeing red.
Sept 2008
Continued the same herbs for 2 more weeks and finally sinseh decided that we are ready to try for a baby.
Switched med by the second half of the month. Looking back, the timing was way after my ovulation date. (I track, all right)
Felt happy and got creative. Wrote some short songs. Wow! i surprised myself for still remembering the rudiments.
Mission continued but period came, anyhow.
Oct 2008
Continued the 'chocolate' and 'black pills' for both of us.
Pulses indicated good 'eggs' formation every time she checked on our pulses.
Strong breast tenderness and great bloating with heavy water retention.
Baggy shirts and unbuttoned-fly had been dress code for several months by now.
Oh! oh! oh! oh! period didn't come as expected.
Clinical signs remained strong. This time added the long awaited new symptom - frequent urination.
And sinseh declared "Congratulations! You are pregnant".
Yahoohoo! life was meaningful again. I stayed away from joggings and didn't resisted the urge to change my bedsheets.
However, breast tenderness started to wane on week 5.5 (from LMP) and i was pretty sure IT'S THE DAMN SIGN AGAIN.
At week 6 (LMP), i flushed storm.
Only this time, its a mother of all menses. Full 8 days of menses (normally 4 days).
Fingertips wrinkled heavily and legs wobbled.
Dino dad tirelessly sweating in the wet-kitchen few days, making few rounds of booster soups for me.Nov 2008
The first half of the month was spend recuperating.
Hope renewed. We can father a baby after all.
The problem was that it didn't hold well. Sinseh acknowledged it.
Back on the tcm regime and waited for the next ovulation cycle.
Even let off my place to my new sister-in-law to accompany my parents to Manchester UK for the graduation ceremony of my youngest sister with her Master degree in chemical engineering in December 16.
Dec 2008
I was late, again, by 5 days the time sinseh declared my second pregnancy by the first week of the month.
This time we needed clinical proof. Jumped in ecstasy when the second faint line showed up.
3 days later, i started light bleeding. It didn't stopped for two days even tripled the herb dosage.
Went to see a gyne and got further urine and blood proof of my pregnancy BUT NO BABY IN SIGHT IN MY WOMB?????
Within ten days, three ultrasounds had not picked up the so-wanted tiny sac in my uterus.
Wherever it might have implanted itself, this little fella is sure not ready to accept me as the parent.
The last light of hope was gone when the last urine test showed negative and toppled with a dwindling hCG and progesterone results.
We have made a final decision to let go of this little fella and stopped all progesterone supplements so that nature can take its course.
Today, Dec 25 - Christmas day.
I am waiting. Anxiously hoping for this abdominal contraction to accelerate and effect a full abortion by itself. I have been bleeding for a straight tenth day now. And I am fervently hoping that i won't start another brand new year in a hospital with an ectopic removal surgery or taking methotrexate treatment that can make us wait another 6 more months before we can start trying again.
Just finished the last chapter "GOD IS NOT GREAT" by Christopher Hitchens. A tough book to dissect. Got to read it again later to grasp its contents some day.
In the meantime, I have got to complete the lyrics for my new song.
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