Day 11 (January 26) - First mild breast tenderness

Ultrasound showed fluid has significantly discharged from my abdominal cavity. Breathing has resume normal and toilet habit is smooth operation. But my waistline remained large at 36 in.

Doc still didn't want to start me back on progesterone jab until fluid are cleared from within me. I was quite unconvinced. I have been torturing myself whole day contemplating whether should i thicken up my skin to insist doc to give me the jab tomorrow. My anxiety is stamped from my insecurity having not able to feel any earliest signs that can indicate my babies are successfully implanted. The urine test showed negative. Doc proceeded to withdraw blood for HcG. Report to be back tomorrow and i am already started climbing the wall.

How am i going to sail through the hours the next three days???? According to schedule, simple urine test would be expected to give early indication of my babies' success in implantation - first challenge. By logic, won't i'd be showing now? I mean, i am having a triplets - doesn't this emplify things up????

On this day - Day 11 - i am only experiencing mild twitching, since noon, on the lower left abdomen, the place i believe is somewhat like the left side of my ovary. And i am only feeling a mild breast tenderness when i give my breasts light punches and squeezes. Urggg......i am dying to have more bloating now. I don't mind the breathing difficulty again. I want more pain on my breasts. I am going nuts now, lending towards turning into a sadist. Glutton for punishment seems like an attraction now.

Urgg............... i think i have got to bury myself deeper into Twilights.

Day 8 (January 23) - My bizarre waistline

Today is day 8 and my babies are still looking fine. Only me feeling horrible.

Ever since back home from the embryo transfer, my tummy has been growing and today it reached 38cm. My tummy is sooooo huge and dense it made me looked liked i'm five months along.

I was admitted for albumin drip on Wednesday night because excessive fluid retention in several parts of my abdominal cavity caused me breathing difficulty. My breathing pattern was incredibly laborious. I couldn't sit for all and couldn't sleep well. The albumin helped to push excessive fluid back into the system to be channeled out naturally through urination and defecation. This shockingly expensive RM980 one-night hospitalization did elevated the stressful breathing the next two days but only to be bloating hard again on Friday night.

I was practically drinking and eating so much so much less till i felt dehydrating at some point. I wanted to drink water or soup but each few sips would bloat up my tummy till it hurt bad. I even woke up at 5am jerking to vomit - felt like morning sickness - but nothing came out. I walked around with both hands cradling my bizarrely protruding tummy. I treaded lightly with sole-on-first - liked ballet dancing around the house. And i felt like a handicap - not able to lift a hand to house chores because bending down to pick up something from the floor seems like a algebra maths work.

Today doc ran another blood check on my vitals and the result was normal. Ok, that's good but i still felt zombied around with a painful huge belly. I even shied away from public and neighbors fearing they would spot my tummy and prop the annoying question like "how many months along are you?" - a simple question but with a bizarre answer "one week".

Apart from the bizarre waistline, the messy and nasty progesterone suppository (inserted thrice daily), this afternoon till now, i actually felt more alert and agile. I feel good enough to sit up now to blog, though my round six-month-lookalike tummy bumps against the desk from time to time.

Doc warned that my condition may worsen in the coming days due to the increase of the natural progesterone manufacture by the babies placentas. Of which is a very good sign that all my babies are growing healthily in me.

Increasing natural placenta + synthetic progesterone = monstrous tummy bloating!

Ok, i've been warned. And now i need to get motivated to endure the storm coming. For now, i better go drink up Dino dad's homemade nutritious herbal chicken soup. I need all the energy to keep my mental health straight to face the pain. I can't complain and can't back out. This is what i have always wanted.

Cycle 28 @ Week 1 day 3 : Embryos Tranfer

When Dino dad and i finally decided to put down all works-in-hand, it was almost 1pm. Though there were still voluminous jobs incomplete, the next task demanded our undivided attention and we needed to be hurry so that we wouldn't get trapped in the Friday prayer jam. With synchronized minds together, we reached the hospital at 1.30pm - half an hour early.

Doc did a preliminary routine checks on me and the ultrasound showed fluid clear. Good to go.

After drinking two cups of water and was instructed to hold urine until procedure, the nurse guided me to the IVF department. While i was crossing to the changing room, i caught sight of a monitor screen depicting a very typical almost-black-and-white image of three cells. Excitement spiked and i froze on my steps. The petite embryologist saw me captivated by the screen and probably decided that she could help to make my this-historic day more significant. Within the quiet lab, she spoken "These are your good embryos. The healthiest ones." Yay, i sang in my heart and my face beamed like i'd just won a hundred thousand lottery. She continued, "The one on top left is the biggest and most active - today it reaches seven cells. The two at the bottom here reached four cells and still dividing." For one instant moment my mind already pictured a bigger child...haha...silly me.

She continued to repeat what doc mentioned just now at the clinic, "It was a good sign you managed to produced as many as fifteen eggs. Most women over age 36 would be lucky if we could harvest as many as four in each hyperstimulation. But, many of your eggs were not healthy enough to survive the fertilization process. We managed to observed four good quality embryos and we have picked the best three for you today." Immediately floods of raw information started flashing through my minds; could this be the reason why i haven't been able to conceive naturally, because my eggs were simply bad eggs - bad eggs that would eventually die off through natural gene processing and flushed out through the monthly periods. I even started pointing fingers to the hypothyrodism relapse that could very well contributed directed to bad manufacturing of eggs.

Before i wanted to suggest freezing the fourth guy (my sole surviving embryo) - so i could chance upon retrieving him if this round fails - the embryologist proceeded to parrot doc's earlier words, "we wouldn't recommend freezing because it does not have as strong quality as the top three." I felt a pang of guilt to having waste this fourth guy and not giving him a chance. I wanted to dwell longer on this issue but the nurses were hurrying me to change for the procedure - doc is arriving soon.

After changing into the white bare-backside robe, i walked into the cold operating theatre and was guided to the bed. Very quickly, the nurses worked to tilt, spread my legs - so wide i could die from embarrassment - and propped strapped to the leg holders. Now i was having my vaginal on display - urgghhhhhhh......... Its not that i haven't done it before but i was on local anesthetized during the oocytes-pickup procedure - at least, i was totally knocked out and have no recollection of how they could have tasked on my lower body. But today, i am all wide awake and...damn anxious. Worst of all, the UFO-liked disc surgical lights was spotlighting into my open legs while other lights were turned off.

Doc came in and the clock showed 3.15pm. Doc signaled for starting procedure. Doc was guided by ultrasound images displayed on a huge something like a fifty-foot flat screen LCD next to my bed. My heart was thumping violently all the while anticipating the hideous tool that would jagged open my vaginal entry. But the procedure was quick. It felt like only seconds when the doc finally pulled out the jag and directed me to witness my history-in-making - the ultrasound showed doc's sured action in releasing one...two...and three tiny little white dots into an area named endometrium. I was so elated. The profound experience of witnessing three living embryos being put into that black and white pocket - which i was told its my womb - was simply ......wow! I wished Dino dad was in there too. The doc, sensing my silence, he raised his head over my leg cover and lean closer to see my face to check on my expression. He for one was beaming.

Then lights came back on. Progesterone suppository was inserted into my vaginal and i was wheeled back to the ward for two hours bed rest. Doc said images cannot be saved or emailed out of the lab. Under Dino dad's assertive persistency, doc reluctant allowed photo-taking with my Nokia E66. Surprising the images came out perfect.

At the ward, within the curtain, i finally gave in - i cried with Dino dad. Relating to him the wonderful ultrasound images and feeling the miracle of science firsthand. We hugged each other quietly, living in the moment, that we are now officially proud parents of three. It was a very very very long wait - close to two and a half years. The moment was euphoric. No words could describe my heartfelt contents at that moment.

Sleep didn't invade me. Probably overjoyed. We spent the next two hours talking softly brainstorming names. By 5.30pm, i was given the green light to go home and whamp....baby luck did manifested - we unbelievably beat the usual Friday home-rush jam and reached home through a newly discovered shortcut, of which the journey would otherwise consume one and a half hour.

I spend the rest of the whole Saturday acting like a worm - laying either on bed or the sofa curling up with Twilight Saga in my hand. Left all house chores to Dino dad - he took them all happily.

Then attended Joey Yap's talk on Sunday learning more about all-things-tiger luck.

Cycle 28 @ Week 1 day 4 : My babies as one with me

Seow Jasper, Seow Edward and if there's a girl among them, she'd be named Seow Ivanna.

They're now at home with us. Protected warmly within my womb.

I think i'd better stay off the blog for the first five days, at least, after the implantation period. Though doc said i can resume life normally except tuning out activities that require excessive walking or climbing, i still want to stick to my silly if not ridiculous plan, just to lie on my back for the rest of the fours days.

I have every intention to make worth the hardwork we've put for the past twenty seven dreadful months not to mention harnessing more success rates to not make our MYR20,000 goes to waste. To many, this sum is absurdly bizarre to even think it'd cost to create babies - that it could do much more liked to support the living expenses of a family of four in Kuala Lumpur for ten months.

Cycle 28 @ day 15 (Jan 14) - Gastric attack

I woke up with the small aches all over my body plus an exceptionally bloated stomach that felt painful when i lightly jab it with my fingers. Figured that i might be overly hungry and gas built-up.

I walked like a zombie on flat shoes. Liked any regular morning, Dino dad and i always stopped by the Malay store nearby our office to have morning tea. I had no appetite but forced down two slices of toast and a cup of cham. But still my stomach ached whole day making me couldn't concentrate much at work.

I zombied through the rest of the day, skipping lunch, to finish up urgent jobs in hand. By 3pm, i was beginning to put my medical instinct cap on. I thought maybe i was having a gastric attack. Being an O-type, i could have had too little meaty in my diet for the past two week and yesterday fasting had sort of full-blown it. Dino dad bought two pieces of KFC for me. Soon after that, i did felt a little better. Without thinking much, i hurried burning jobs into a DVD to take home with me as i will not be entering this office again at least for the next five to seven days. I just couldn't afford to do any climbing of three flights of stairs at every morning, every lunch and every evening. I must stay off activity so the least impact sent off from my both of my soles the better chance of survival for my three babies.

By 7pm, i reached home still feeling the same stomach pain. I suddenly became a doc and thought of 'antacid'. I summarized that owing to my low appetite ever since i started the jabs some three weeks ago, i actually took a little food that i lost 2 kg in three weeks. I was happy about it. But could this be the slowly building up of acidic environment in my stomach and only to me made full blown by the fourteen-hour fasting for the eggs-pick-up procedure? I put on a smug face to myself. To be sure i called up my doc but he was no help. He didn't answer directly to my question as first. He only acknowledged my gastric query after i furnished him with so in-depth details. Sigh....so much for being a specialist. Blah!

So Dino dad drove off to get me antacid pills and a pack of chocolate milk. While i was waiting for the pills to take effect, Dino dad was bent on thinking bird nest's alkaline can cure my overly acidic stomach.

Ok, now, its been ten minutes i finished off the three-finger-size bird-nest soup and still waiting for the comfort to come by. In the meantime, i should retire for the day now so to prepare my body with full rest ready to receive my babies into my womb tomorrow at 2pm. Though now we are officially parents, but to seal that feeling more concretely, i can't wait for the three boys to be as one with me. Its a day i have waited for twenty eight months. Sweet dreams to myself

cycle 28 @ day 14 (Jan 13) - Oocyte-Pick-Up

hCG injected on me at exactly 12 midnight on Jan 11 to trigger final maturation and ovulation of my eggs.

After 34 hours, we found ourselves dragged out of bed at 6.30am to make it through to the hospital before the early morning traffic started. We reached the hospital at 7.15am - forty five minutes earlier then appointed. So i accompanied Dino dad breakfast with simple fried beehoon and eggs while i just sit and read my favorite book - The Twilight - through my half opened morning eyes. I was fasting for eight hours.

By 830am, Dino dad was led to that private room with dim lights to produce his sperms in a tube while i was led to the ward to get dressed in the open-backside-robe. It was quite chilly when i stepped foot into the little operating theatre where a warm smiling middle-aged woman in green surgery robe greeted me. Her smile sort of calmed me down a little for i haven't been in a operating theatre a long time, and no idea what to expect next.

This lady cooed me softly into position on the surgery bed and fumbled expertly with the top side of my left palm. I instinctively knew that she needed to insert an IV. Do i need that, i thought quietly, careful not to bring my inquisitive personality into this room. Trying to be smarty wouldn't help me relaxed, i told myself. Then she said "Can call the boss in already."

I turned to look at my left side and observed my embryologist was preparing something on the other side of the mirrored room and the next thing i'd awared of was me waking up in a bed on the ward floor. Huh? What'd happened? So fast? I didn't even remember loosing consciousness.

When i woke, a nurse was busying herself by my side. In my half drifty consciousness, i immediately remembered to remind the doc i want boys for my babies. I didn't get to say it in the operating theatre. The nurse assured me she will relay the message to my doc and then i lost consciousness again.

The air-conditioning was so cold it made me shivered down to my bone. I felt my right arm being squeezed tightly and i opened my foggy eyes to see a BP machine being attached to me. It released pressure to check on my BP at half an hour interval. Then i started to realize my lower abdominal was cramping. It brought back memory in a flash of how i'd felt the time after my first abortion some thirteen years ago. Ohhh....uncomfortable - the cramping, the overly cold air-conditioning, and strapped with a pad!

In foggy brain, i informed the nurse of my condition and asked for a cup of hot water. She returned with a warm water instead! With my low tolerance to pain, my temper was rising. I politely insisted for hot water. Yay! she made it back correct the second time but, later i found out she did not lower the air-conditioning. I sipped hot water so fast it kinda burnt my tongue a little. Fortunately i was too numb to feel the pain. I held on to the mug to warm my hands and drifted back to sleep.

Sleep for the next hours was fitful. Tossing around - pain on my left hand with the IV still intact with no medicine attached and the BP strapped to my right arm while my body continues to shiver. How can this happen? Someone must get me answers. I flagged down a nurse and again told her that i am still very cold. "Is this a normal post op?", i asked. She replied "No." I puzzled. Then i asked for another hot drink and to have my IV be taken off with heavy frowning set on my forehead and my long hairs dropping everywhere. Now to think of myself at that moment i could have looked like a vampire in rage...hoho.

The nurse returned my a hot milo instead. Hmm, better. Again, i sipped too quickly and it burned other parts of my tongue. Sigh...still cold. But feeling a little warmer. Thinking i was good to go home, i dialed for Dino dad to pick me up. When i sat up on the bed, boy, the room was spinning. I had to pee and i couldn't see clear. The nurse offered to bring me a pee-pan. Eww! pee on bed, no way. I'd rather walked and knocked my face on the wall then to lie back and pee in front of the nurse. As obstinate as i was told since young, i slowly got up off the bed, disrobed the surgery clothing, pulled on my T-shirt and shit....the stupid pad has a death-knot. While waiting for the nurse to bring a scissor, i fumbled with the knot and stood exposed my naked lower body in front of the other nurse standing nearby to assist. How embarrassing now having to think back.

Stubbornly i pulled on my jeans. The nurse brought a wheelchair and wheeled me to the bathroom. I stumbled to the door stupidly while my head continued to spin. The i was wheeled back to my bed and Dino dad arrived. He was shocked to learn of my complication and he was already up onto the second floor by my side in just a few seconds. I told him my conditions and he immediately understood. He'd relayed the message to the nurses and this time, the air-conditioner really did switched off. Huh! i knew it. They didn't take me seriously the first time. Thanks for my half-functioning brain, otherwise they would have gotten a nice rap from me. Don't blame me, the doc sure did not pre-amp of this possible post-op symptoms. They didn't even acknowledge my symptoms as if mine was the first in their list of cases. Apparently, the doc had missed that procedure. He didn't even advised me to abstain from sex! - with me so horny from all the FSH jabs! We could have had sex the night before and reduced the chances of good volume. Bizarre!

Next, out of no where, my favorite petite embryologist appeared by my side. She instructed to take some reading to check if i had a temperature. It was tough catch - because i just had two cups of hot drink. So my embryologist assured me that she would try to pick 'boy' sperms for us but no guarantee that there wouldn't be a 'girl' sperm that strong enough to pass off to reach my eggs. I told her its fine if i should get a girl among the three babies. She congratulated me for producing a strong fifteen band of oocytes. And Dino dad's sperms were healthy to be utilized up to 90%. Again, i grimace - why couldn't we just conceive naturally?

When the cold subsided to a tolerable level, i was able to communicate with my embryologist better. She said the lower abdominal cramping was normal and some would experience it up to three days, with some lasting to two weeks. Bizarre! She shoved a pack of progesterone tablets and instructed to insert twos every night and twos every morning till i am to be due back for embryo transfer on Friday Jan 15, 2pm. The progesterone will work to form a conducive environment for my babies prior to have them transferred back into my womb two days later.

I was wheeled down to the parking lot and Dino dad drove me home straight only stopping by a petrol station to get me two 100-plus. I felt liked i was extremely dehydrated. The dizziness did not stop. The cold did returned. With brain half-conscious, i dashed for an amazingly fast 2-minute hot shower, gulped down a strip of gardenia rosemary flavor bread - just to fill my fortheen-hour empty stomach - washed the bread down with 100-plus then coiled up beneath my comforter to drift off into a restful sleep. Nothing beats the comfort of home-sweet-home.

It was about 4.30pm when i woke up after a two hour rest. Aduii......my whole body feeling just not right - muscle aching all over and my lower abdominal continued to cramp. Feeling lethargic but not sleepy, i coiled up in my TV sofa to read on Twilight. Dino dad returned home about 6pm and my condition hasn't got better. Having to subject him to stress seeing me in pain and nothing he could do about, he was so tired, he dozed off after shower right after dinner at 8.30pm. Poor him.

The rest of the evening was spent in a vaguely mood. I continued to suffer in silence, the self-inflicted pain to so wanna be a mom; the constant mild cramping of my lower abdomen, the nasty progesterone oozing stickiness on my panty-liner, the on-off feverish symptoms of chill and sweat, muscle aching and the unexplained stomach congestion that made breathing laborious.

In my quiet between pages, i couldn't help wandering my mind to the lab in the hospital imagining my babies were growing in the small incubating lab plates or whatever it is called. Have they turned four-cells yet? Smiling, i drifted off to fitful sleep again with the chilling and sweating symptoms.

cycle 28 @ day 12 - HcG day!

Just came back from the hospital 40 minutes ago with fantastic news - i am growing eggs liked a fat hen. The vaginal scan showed my right ovaries is carrying almost all perfect eight 18mm eggs with two already reached 20mm and 21mm each. The left ovaries has less but five almost perfect sizes with 2 large ones at 21mm and 22mm. Boy! if that does not declare me as a fertile woman, then what is?

Seemed liked the eggs are growing faster than expected - two days ago the scan showed them at less than 15mm. Next stage is hatching induction for thirty hours. I am to report back to the hospital on Jan 13, 9am, for egg retrieval and Dino dad would be needed to produce fresh sperms into tub in a snazzy private room decorated with posters of blonde nudes and some assorted X-rated videos....hehehe.

Looks like everything going smooth in favor to us. Let's do a checklist:

1. That hated illegal bridge construction directly right in front of my house has finally, thanks to all gods of this world, completed on 26 December 2009. I have always blamed it for causing me failed pregnancy all these three years.

2. I have chose a great day to renovate my front porch in hope to renew the lousy chi that has plagued my house since the construction started four years ago. The renovation work has somehow surged an increase of new jobs for our company - a great start 2010 indeed!!!

3. Pepsi has fully recovered from her skin disease and she is now as happy as a puppy despite her eleven years of age.

4. I have found Twilight series and they have afloat me in dream-liked state since Christmas. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan have some how keep my waking hours occupied and made the daily morning and night jabs tolerable. And i am still crazy over them. Darn! can't wait for the release of New Moon DVD.

5. All physical signs are at accurate timing - hypothyroid under controlled, breast tenderness increased, consistent mucous discharge and getting very horny all before ovulation! Previous months timing were all wrong.

6. Our master bedroom will have the illness start be replaced with a white wealth star on Feb 4, 2010.

7. And i am growing eggs in water month (my output) and to be continued into mao (tiger) month - a wood month which is also my most important useful god.

8. Exam just over on Jan 9. Group project just handed in. Personal report passed up.

9. The new tenant of my condo has started into their second months rental with RM50 increase monthly, yahoo! And they are helping me to service my refinanced loan with excess for me to finance my tuition fee. Fantastic!

10. Best of all, our bank account has just received MYR128,000 cash today. Yeepee!!!! our hard earned effort and perseverance of eleven years paid off. Tomorrow night, we are going sushi buffet to celebrate - its my last sushi till i eat again in three years - and to do some serious shopping for our wardrobe and face-care.

(Long exhale.....hah..........) Finally. We will be parents in thirty hours. What's the time now? 10pm? Got to go back to the hospital in by midnight for the final HcG jab shortly.

Twilight Saga

I am at shock with myself. Saw the first Twilight movie on StarMovie on somewhere middle of Dec 2009 and now i am acting like a teenager going absolutely ga-ga over this novel-turn-movie series.

Bought all 4 books Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and finished off New Moon 600-odds pages in 3 days. Spent the whole end of Dec 2009 hiding at my favorite reading corner at the house pouring into these pages like an unexplainable romantic teenager relive.

Now i am on a ferocious hunt for the movie New Moon. I can't even concentrate work not thinking about the handsome Edward Cullen. My mind even replay some romantic scenes read from the books while i drive.

As crazy as i sound but i am not shy. Surfing the nets for downloading collections of The Twilight casts like i was at 15. I have got to check on myself where did this sudden influx of adrenalin for teenage romance came from when i am done and through with this fever later.

Unbelievable at myself - madness.

cycle 28 @ day 5 - Dino dad's birthday

As any other morning Dino dad'd prepare the syringe on the bed fully dressed in office wear while i'd still be naked ransacking the wardrobe right after shower. He usually sits on the bed while i stand for him to administer the injection onto my belly area at his eye level.

This morning, Dino dad got naughty. His mouth grabbed my right nipple suddenly after administering the drug. Well, its not that its something for me to pretend shy, its just that he came too suddenly that jolted the regular morning zombie mood which i have been adopting ever since i started school at age seven. And that nipple-sucking act aroused the heat raging from below my pelvic area - especially when i am going through intensive egg-brooding therapy. But pity, the urgency of Monday morning did not allow the luxury to rip our clothes off and hit right on for a morning romp like we were 25.

Now thinking back, i should have just insisted on that. It was his 40th birthday.

All but not late. Compensated with long and steamy episodes right after dinner

cycle 28 @ day 3 - Started nightly FSH injections

Finally. The period came on Dec 31 late evening - 5 days late - and i thought its not gonna come due me going into a menopause stage. Phew!

Ok, it seems i am getting jab not only every morning, i am getting poked nightly at the medical center too. Ouw!!!! the night jabs hurts. Syringe is huge!!

I supposedly to see doc on day 2 but it fell on Jan 1, 2010. So went to see doc on Jan 2 (day-3) at 10am and took my blood for hormone assay. The female doc was terrible at her job - poking a huge syringe into my arm searching for vein - unbelievable!! Suffered me.....

Then i was back to the center at 7.30pm same day for my first FSH inject by a nurse and it was hell! My buttock hurt bad. Bloody nurse.

Arrrgggg..... its only the first FSH. And i have 14 nights to go!