Cycle 17 : Day 20 - Renewed Challenge

I'm back. And going into another cycle of anxiety and tension.

I am supposed to continue my indulgence in my warm cocoon of sorrow after the miscarriage on Nov 8. All emotions were drained dry when it started to flush. Anger built up. Despair led to putus asa. Damn that blooding media job! Damnation to my bad karma or karmas. 

This cycle feel kinda dry. I can't even be sure am i ovulating. Passed day 14 and 15 yet no sign of stretchy mucous. I know, you tell me: i am still emotionally stressed over the miscarriage, my body has yet to recover from that awful 8-days period compared to all the 3.5 days mensus cycle my whole life and etc. Yeah, i almost went limp on day 2 and 3. Too much draining that my left hand fingertips developed fine-line wrinkles. 

At 7.30pm last evening experience flowing of mucous. I guessed its ovulation in action and we had dutifully carried out our mission at 10.30pm. Funny that i realized that last evening was the first sensation of watery mucous felt on passed-day 14 and most important of all, it happened at a convenient time. Never did we get to complete our baby-making-action within the first 6 hours of ovulation, of course, if i actually ovulated yesterday. (Fingers crossed n pray). Again, a first-symptom of a cycle never experienced before. Again, setting me off a self-tormenting journey blasting my mental energy in assuming this and that. 

Here i go: could this fantastic ovulation timing is a good sign?; i had the sweetest dream on monday morning Nov 24, that i actually picked up a wee babe from the middle of a quiet country side road while i was cycling with my youngest sister (by the way, she was in the body of my sweet Corgie). In the dream i had a crisp clear view of that baby! Though not sure it was a he or she, but the baby certainly had a gorgeous face. Maybe its from my burning desire to watch BOLT. Moreover, sinseh Wong declared that i have one huge and quality egg growing on each side of my ovaries. Blast me! she can actually felt that from my pulse??? Is TCM that

 superb?? Whatever, she did renew my desire to try again. At least that words were soothing and comforting at this low point. So, she forced Dino dad to start his herbs again "Must fight for it", she said again and again. There went RM330 again.

Of all the stuff above, this next one is the real driving force that brought me out of my cocoon and start to pen my journal. Today, Dino dad has received a verbal confirmation on an direct international call from 'the' Australian buyer confirming his intend to purchase 3,000 tonne of crude coconut oil from us. We went hysterical with ecstatic joy immediate off the phone. What's so great? Its so great that our peanut company would be registering more than 10 millions of sales within one year. Slap me again! And on my left too! Oh god, could this be it??? On the expense of our hope for a baby??

US Presidential pets

First Family George Bush's pets get in the Halloween spirit, Friday, Oct. 17, 2008, in a portrait on the Blue Room balcony on the south side of the White House. From left are Miss Beazley, Willie the cat, and Barney. The dogs are Scottish Terriers. White House photo by Joyce N. Boghosian

President Bush calls for his dog 'Barney' as he stands on the West Wing Colonnade at the White House in Washington.

President Clinton (buttocks up) tries to broker a peace plan while introducing first cat Socks to his new dog Buddy during an impromptu meeting outside the Oval Office. In the background, White House photographer Sharon Farmer assists.

President Bush tries to get his dog Barney interested in going up the steps to Air Force One, as Bush prepares to depart Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland, en route to his Crawford, Texas, home.

Socks the cat, who belongs to President-elect Clinton, gets his moment in the spotlight outside the governor's mansion in Little Rock.

Socks the cat peers over the podium in the White House briefing room. A White House groundskeeper was walking Socks when he stopped and lifted Socks to the podium.

First lady Barbara Bush and her granddaughter, Marshall Lloyd Bush, visit with first dog Millie and her six puppies in the residence of the White House.

President Jimmy Carter and Rosalynn Carter play with their dog named Grits on the south lawn of the White House in Washington D.C. after returning from church. Earlier that day a group of people were arrested for planning to disrupt the church service in protest over the neutron bomb.

Nancy Reagan cradles Rex, the Reagans' King Charles spaniel, as she and President Ronald Reagan stroll along the White House south lawn.

President Gerald Ford and his daughter, Susan, and their dog Liberty take a moment for a photo op on the South Lawn of the White House.

Luci Johnson, the daughter of President Lyndon B. Johnson, and her fiance, Pat Nugent, greet the Johnson family collie, "Blanco," July 11, 1966 in Washington, DC. Luci and Pat flew back from a stay at the LBJ Ranch in Texas with President and Mrs. Johnson. A White House staffer holds the leashes of Blanco and the two Johnson beagles.

President Richard Nixon pats the head of his Irish setter 'King Timahoe' as he walks from his office in the Executive Office building to the White House in Washington D.C. on April 30, 1970. White House electrician Traphes Bryant holds back the other first family pets "Pasha," a Yorkshire terrier, and "Vickie," a miniature French Poodle.

President Warren G. Harding, standing with his Airedale terrier "Laddie Boy."

Pauline, pet cow of President William Howard Taft, on the lawn in front of the State, War and Navy Building, Washington, D.C. The photo was made between the years 1909 and 1913.

President Herbert Hoover poses with his police dog "King Tut."

Sen. Richard Nixon, Republican vice presidential candidate, relaxed with his family on the lawn of their Washington D.C. home on Sept. 28, 1952. With the senator was his wife, Pat, their children Julie and Patricia, and their cocker-spaniel, "Checkers."

Week 5 : Day 37 (Frm LMP) - Spotting!!!!

Spotting!!! Mild. About 6pm...............

why? why? why? why?

The spottings came right after i had a hell of an afternoon worked-up with cooridnating with a client's incompetence that knows no bound and a supplier's impertinence that knows no limit. all for meeting a cut-throat deadline set by The Star newspaper and was made worst by client's 'forever-amateurish' time planning skill that is always on the expense of the agency.

Spent the whole afternoon practically . Could this lead to the spotting? Can't be so accurate! I remembered Master Joey Yap cautioned me that i should put all work aside once i conceived. He has repeatedly mentioned during the consultation that i should take good care of the pregnancy BUT, I NEED TO MAKE A LIVING. Dino dad and i don't have half a million cash stashed away in a bank. This was just an afternoon event that has had happened countless times in my whole working life, only except that i am pregnant this time. Yeah, sure.

Spotting is mild and dark brown. Previously, this symptom indicated a menstrual cycle could happen anytime now. Oh god! please help to retain this baby. Of course, we do understand if its not healthty, we should let nature takes it course. Sighhhhhhh............

We tried to cheer ourselves up last evening hopeful that we could revert our mood by watching our newly acquired all 8-season The 70s Show. But we didn't get to. Ended up watching Amazing Race Asia and got myself worked up again seeing that blasted Philipine couple 'U-turned' the Singaporean women. What a pair of screwd bastards! When are they gonna learn to play fair! This is the only pair in this season who have chose to exercise their given rights to hault others. I so hated to see Bernie and Henry elimiated of this race by this blasted pair who claimed exercising their rights to yield is like purchasing an insurance policy for themselves. Aarrrggggg..........

Why should i be bothered by this, uh? Oh, Buddha, i have too much anger inside me.

Baby Dino at Week 4

Right now you are probably the size of a poppy seed sitting inside the amniotic sac. Your cells are probably triple-time in dividing aand activities are picking up speed. Some of your organs may be starting to function (at least according to BabyCenter.com). 

On the other hand, mommy should be doubling up the folic acid grammage to give a good head start with your spina development.

Week 4 : Feeling peace

Finally, a stork stopped by my house to drop a baby!!!!!

No period- checked!

No spotting during wiping - checked!

Bloating - checked!  Lesser today. Probably due to the new herbal pills Sinseh started me on yesterday.

Breast tenderness - checked! Consistent timing and intensity.

Morning sickness /nausea  - checked! None.

Basal temperature - checked! Remain moderately high.

Breast size - checked!  Remain slightly larger than usual.

Nipples size - checked!  Remain  twice bigger than usual.n

Constipation - checked! Remain 

Energy -  checked!  Remain 

Fatigue - checked!  Experienced tiredness in the early afternoon during weekday. Weekend seems more energetic, probably i have recuperated with 11 hours of sleep the night before.

Frequent Urination - checked! Errrr, not that obvious yet.

Pregnancy Test Kit - Refuse to take.

According to BabyCenter, the counting of the pregnancy always starts from the first day of my last menstrual period, which was exactly on October 2, 2008, around 4 in the afternoon. So that makes me week 4 pregnant by now. Yeeeeepeeeeee!  

Dino dad so wanted to call up the parents about this good news. But i insisted that we wait until we reach week 8 to be really sure.

Cycle 16 : Day 32 - I'm PREGNANT !!!!

slap my left face

slap my right face

Sinseh felt my pulse and declared "The egg is still intact, has not explode. Still sitting in the womb. Gung Hei Lei! You are pregnant!!!!"

oh, my..................

Namo Amitabha Buddha, Namo Guan Yin Pu Sa, Namo Maha Pak Om, Namo Yao Shi Lu Lai