Next, IVF it is. Got to take action in own hands since no help from divinity. I believe our past karma is too strong even for divine intervention. Perhaps Buddha's teaching hold true - that no one can change one's fate other than oneself. Obviously our past lives sins indicated the involvement of money. To torture myself more, i am beginning to paint the picture of a scene in one of our past lives whereby we, as a damn selfish couple of a wealthy family, had chose not to extend financial assistance to help a sickly lower caste child to get medicinal treatment which resulted the child eventually died of the illness.
Good imagination leh. If not, how else to explain that why we have to strive triple hard and tripled spending in almost every goals in life when others might just easily achieve the same thing at just one go? Blame it on past karma. Sigh......
Spend RM12,000, spend la, what to do? Its must be karma. Need to settle the past $$ debt. Otherwise, we are out of our wits trying to fathom what the hell is wrong with our body??? Report clearly showed sperm count is averagely good. Though 2 millions is the benchmark deemed medically excellent, but hey, even drug addicts or drunkards can father a child as easy as chewing on nuts. What more, i only need ONE to make a baby. Is it too much to ask??
Indonesian domestic maid with imbalance nutrient feeds during their growing years can bear children like pigs. Many even labored 10 hours in constructions work or as cleaning maids and able to carried pregnancy smoothly to full nine months!! Me? I am just having a few fibroids which sizes dr said are too small to be of concern. A friend of mine is already in her second trimester with a recurrence of cycst growing as large as her baby, incredible is it? Yeah, compared to her, my fibroids seemed like no issue at all, and still i can't get pregnant!!!
Another girlfriend bore 3 wonderful sons despite an ovarian cysts burst incident. My sister-in-law recovered from lupus potential condition is now a beaming 13 week old new mom. Another guyfriend who is a controlled diabetic managed to father two beautiful girls and now a newborn son. There's a girlfriend who had tried to cause miscarry through jumping off from high chair, punching own tummy and drinking abortive herbs is now a happy mom of a thirteen-going-fourteen year-old son. And me? For 26 cycles, i have been dutifully stayed away from my favorite watermelons, religiously downing folic acid each night, balancing diets, watching weights, taking bak foong yun, practicing law of attraction and doing all things that could possibly be done to enhance change of pregnancy. The reward is another failed cycle.
haiiiiiii.....karma, karma. Who knows, sweet fate could be installed for those (like us) who gave all that we have? Who knows, when all things bottom up, we look up to see clear rainbow overhead? Who knows, we would get the twins we'd always wanted?
Fortunately, we are well-endowed with strong characters and damn patience. We pick up ourselves very quickly after each failure. And we are taking every last opportunities that are available. IVF is the next. Its damn expensive but we are prepared to pay to offset karma if it has to be. So be it. 
No comments:
Post a Comment