Cycle 26 @ day 24 - The signs are looking

There are some good signs which are happening at the right time, right days of the month. Breasts tenderness started after ovulation and lasts till today, stronger in the late afternoon but strongest from midnight onwards. I am feeling easily sleepy and Dino dad's business seems to be picking up back again. And Mother Tian Hou has felt my pulses and said "可以啦，可以啦". She said she had counted numerous times with the same result of "雙喜林門" and couldn't be wrong.

Its better be, Mother Tian Hou. I have reached the desperate stage already as I will turn thirty-seven in two months time, and Dino dad 40. And i need a tiger baby. And then you, Mother Tian Hou will rest for one full month before resume consultation. Arrrrggggg

Anyway, we have made up our mind to go for IVF next month if this month, fingers crossed, fail again. We have decided in one voice enough is enough. Perhaps our fate require us to spend off RM20,000 to redeem our past bad karma in order to achieve pregnancy. Maybe in one of my past lives, i had choosen not to rescue a critically illed wee barn because i couldn't part with my own savings, or maybe i was a cruel nai-nai who only kept sons, or maybe....enough tortouring myself.

In Buddhism teaching, the masters always preaches "no children means no one coming to collect debts from me." So i should be happy. Well, if after 40 still no baby, i will subscribe to this concept religiously.

For now, i have turned into a very shelfish mother-wanna-be. I have even choosen not to get close to anyone who is going low in their luck cycle, fearing it might affect my luck cycle. A Chinese Indonesian friend of mine came to KL three days ago intended to assist her sister to seek eye specialist attention on her 40 day-old grandson suspected with cancer lumps in both eyes. Actually, my felt melt in sorrow when the news reached me. It's liked not wanting to accept that life can be very cruel some time. I lied to her saying i'd be outstation on business till middle of next week so i could avoid not seemingly lan-si.

I feel so bad inside but i told myself i've got to take care of my own interest first. Do excuse me, i have waited 25 months and still not successful. And it is not the time to be emotionally generous especially to a family whose apparently sailing through a down cycle. I need all the good luck that i can get. I need to be surrounded with good and happy chi. I need to submerge in all-things-godly. That's the current plan and..... remaining 4 days left