Cycle 29 - 2nd IVF

I can't seem to put down my Twilight Saga books - I am re-reading them a third time. And i think i am going to go on to the fourth round devoutly when i go into confinement after the embryo transfer in middle of March 2010.

Its embarrassingly enough to admit that i am having a deep crush on Edward Cullen! - i still couldn't sink the fact in that i am still capable of having infatuation at this age of mine now - and the world he lived in. It is kinda like me feeling twenties again all of a sudden. It's his face - Robert Pattinson - that i couldn't get enough of. Urgg.... so geram. I have been, literally, floating through my days-of-denial this past month living in his world dreamily. Bella and Edward's family have somehow made my recent three weeks of post miscarriage seemed lighter to bear, though there were the occasional depression and emotional coastal-roller rides. At some point i kinda of felt the need to take a silent gratitude to my own fate that it was a blessing to have found Bella and Edward at the darkest time of need.

Also, perhaps the 太陰星 and 太陽星 have finally visited my life chart in 2010. I like to believe that 太陰星 has somehow escalated my enthusiasm in creative writing - its the one passion that i have neglected for some long time - and propel my hidden and sleeping talent subconscious mind to kick start its production factory. Just a week back, on the flying trip to Hatyai, my head was spinning a synopsis of a love story - of which it suddenly crept up - and was completed by the time we touched down in KL. Amazing! I swear i couldn't even peel my eyelids to work on anything mentally in the whole 2009. I am absolutely feeling hyper since the turn on Feb 4, 2010 and my mind has been racing non-stop tapping on fresh leads on story plots and any new ideas that can sprout the publishing of a book, hopefully before the year's out. Oh, did i

mentioned i am writing some songs too? And trying my hand on penning lyrics? And all the while trying to thwart the maddening compulsion to get my hands on the original Twilight New Moon dvd - to be released in March 2010 - and the thirst for any news flash or releases on Twilight Eclipse. How crazy could one get when one is in love? When was the last time i was this crazy over someone? That crush on Keanu Reeves and Rob Lowe - when i was in my teen - didn't even come close.

Love you more, Edward. Because of you and your everything i'd desired in a man-of-my-dream, i'd managed to put behind the grudge, the bleakness and the anger i'd lashed out towards this stupid life cycle. I am all renewed - mentally and physically - again to face yet another arduous road trip of needle-pricking days and depleting huge sum off our savings for a second IVF.

Love you even more, Edward, because somehow your dream-like quality of a personality has mellowed my eagle personality - a characteristic categorization science i'd learned in my psychology counseling sessions - and awaken my dove personality - a trait i didn't know i possessed derived from the Dr Leonard Yong's personality test. No wonder i could submerge my mind into Edward's world so easily ever since the first time i laid my hand on Twilight books in December 2009. And to so easily fire up my creative intuition surrounding the mythical world of romance again - something i have buried don't-know-where in my recent years to make way for serious thrashing in a life i have called career.

Honest - check again - yeah, honestly, i do feel truly good spirited and somewhat happy after the turn on Feb 4. I am feeling ... confident too that i am going to succeed in this second IVF. Perhaps my double 太陽星 has already began to work on me. Perhaps 太陰星 is very potent for me especially in this 庚虎 - my nobleman star - year sitting on my wealth element.

Looks like my next two weeks will be filled with anxiety again. Only this time, the anxious hours would be more productively countered with book and songs writing.

Jasper, Edward and Ivanna ... mommy will be seeing you again soon.