Its been repeatedly humming in my head to the extend i am beginning to accept it as the one and only possible reason responsible for all failed cycles. How did i get that? Simple, downing half of an 8 kg watermelon weekly and three to four bags of black tea (well, sometimes green tea) daily for seven years.
If watermelon and tea can be scientifically proven as the ultimate 'cooling food agent', then i have to congratulate myself for guilty in self-destruction at first degree. Otherwise, what could possibly be the root problem???
I was brought up a very healthy child and from a family of healthy siblings. I seldom taken to cold or fever, nor sore throat. I have always thought i was lucky to be gifted with good. If not, how else could i got pregnant within the first 30 days after my very first sexual experience with Dino dad, then boyfriend. Perhaps my age of 23 then was a contributing factor. Perhaps then i haven't even started the self-created crazy tea-and-watermelon addiction. Perhaps the discovery of sexual pleasure was too great that got us discovering ourselves nights after nights with mind-boggling sex. Sometimes in the afternoon and shower. Wait a minute. Isn't this is what people usually do when they don't have TV at home? Yes, i can say that again because that's how baby is created.
Confession be made; that i was actually fully aware of how dangerous unprotected sex can be. I had full understanding that i could get pregnant before marriage, an issue that would bring great disgrace to my tight-tradition family. These thoughts just never sink in. We were more interested in escalating intercourse pleasure to the maximum without frictions with a millimeter-thin sheet of rubber. We were counting on organism. I was liked coming to my true self after years of sexual discovery since 9. I didn't mind the slutty display. I encouraged this rodeo game shamelessly. Though i have never regretted those unrestrained behavior, but i have half regretted of my next decision.
I didn't wanted the pregnancy despite Dino dad wanted the baby. I overwhelmed him and nailed on to abort it at one and a half month after some mega bouts of morning sickness. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, how i can't say that enough!! But i did. Reasons were straight and simple : too young, with career on probation, and no savings, left alone my principle to own a house before marriage. I remember vividly of that sickening contraction pain right after i woke up from the D&C. It was my first ever taste of C-O-N-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N pain. By the evening i was home already and jumping around mom-in-law's house without a care or thoughts of the poor being that wanted to live but i reaped the life out of it.
The abortion was kept hush-hush until today. A destiny reader even told me that 'it' was a boy. He could turned 13 and enter form one this April. Sigh.................................... No one to blame but myself. All by myself. Guilty as charged.
Of course, sitting down sulking in this entry won't bring me a baby. What surprises myself now is that i feel kinda calm and peaceful. Perhaps i have pour out the burden that i have been carrying all this while despite my strong mental willed me to think i was doing ok. Perhaps is the thought of being able to face-off with my own faults that has peeled open my eyes to notice other alternative medicines and treatment such acupuncture, food-therapy and mind-changing.
Yeah, this feels good. It's ok now. I can try again.
From now on, no watermelon, black tea, yellow pears, raw cucumbers, less barly, less bittergourd and to boil water. That's it. That's my resolution for the next three months in order to achieve my mission to conceive by August. Gah yow!
From now on, no watermelon, black tea, yellow pears, raw cucumbers, less barly, less bittergourd and to boil water. That's it. That's my resolution for the next three months in order to achieve my mission to conceive by August. Gah yow!
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