Cycle 15, Day 28 - Official Failure

5:30pm : Mensus started flowing. Whatever left of the 5% hope is crushed by that crimson staining my panties. I am 3 days earlier. Biological clock has revered from the 30-32 days cycle to 28 days now. Its another 'first' symptom noted. Got to call Sinseh tomorrow. Back to square one again.

Cycle 15, Day 28 - Abdominal Cramping

4:20pm : arrgggg...cramping in the lower abdominal area. The exact feeling of the mild contraction usually happens on the first day of the period. Just now there was once bleeding. 

This cramp is makes me feeling like there's a war going on inside my uterus - to implant or to shed, to implant or to shed. No flushing yet could indicate my baby-to-be is trying to implant. The cramp is saying my body does not accept my baby-to-be. Its trying to get ride of it. 

I am still not willing to wear a pad. There's still 0.5% hope.

Cycle 15, Day 27 - Spotting

I am in a deja-vu - same time every month - getting real tense up once spotting is sighted. Its been 2 days, spotting but not staining. There are so many recalls flashing at the back of my minds every time i visited the toilet to wipe-out the pinks. Keep telling myself its the implantation process. Keep telling myself refrain from running, jogging and everything physical activities that could impact the possible-implantation process. Luckily, i am blessed with a never-complain-Dino dad fulfilling those insatiable energy expressed-without-reserve at every evening when its time for the furkids to go out. I move around like an apatosaurus (here's the picture, in case you haven't seen one).

"The egg is still beautiful." This phrase is practically helping me to balance out my tension since the first spotting was detected. On Sept 27, Sinseh smiled and told that my 'egg' is still 'around' after 2-4 minutes feeling on the pulses concentrating on the left side of my right palm. She added, "Otherwise, the 'egg' might have 'exploded' by now". She understood her meaning. She meant 'dissolved'. However, she did not give me the assurance that i am gonna make it this cycle. Instead, she bent over her desk to pick up a 4R size album and started flipping through pages and pages of newborns, showcasing her passed and recent success records and encouraging me not to beat myself up mentally. Well, those babies were cute. But i was too occupied with my own anxiety to the extend i cannot bring myself to appreciate others. The 'chocolate' pills was prescribed again. So was Dino dad's. We went home hopeful that day but was crushed when spotting started 2 days later.

At this point, all breast tenderness gone. Been feeling bloated the past few days. My stomach is sending out wrong impression to others who might see me as 5 months pregnant. Gassy. Belching. Lack of appetite. Lazy. Thank goodness, its Raya break till Monday.

Joke of the day - Heavenly Clocks

An Indian man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the heaven Gate Siva the God said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here."

Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner. It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, "God Siva, what's the deal? Why are all these clocks here in heaven?"

God Siva replied, "The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute."

"For instance, this clock is for Aru, the used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move. "Click." The minute hand on Aru's clock moved one minute. "Click." It moved another minute. "Aru must be into closing a customer right now," said God Siva. "The minute hand on his clock moves all day."

The man and God Siva continued walking. Soon, they came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand. "Whose clock is this?" asked the man.

"That clock belongs to the Widow Achi. She is one of the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet her clock hasn't moved in a year or two."

They continued walking and touring heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends. When the tour was finished, the man said, "I've seen everyone's clock but Mr.Samy Vellu's. Where is his clock?

God Siva smiled, "Just look up. We use his clock to work as ceiling fan."

Healing and cleansing with barley

A great article about Barley by EU HOOI KHAW.

High in fibre, barley is a kidney cleanser.. Better yet, regular intake of it helps prevent heart disease. BARLEY water was always a regular drink when we were still living at home. Whenever we had to go for a medical exam that included a urine test, my mum would make us drink barley water a day before it to make sure we got a positive result!

My mother was a wise woman. I later found out from an Australian naturopath that barley is known to be a kidney cleanser, and he happily downed glasses of it at a meal we had in a coffeeshop here.

Barley is good for your intestinal health too. Try to eat the barley grains you find in your drink or sweet broth with 'fu chook' (beancurd skin) and ginkgo nuts.

It's high in fibre which feeds the friendly bacteria in the colon and helps speed up the transit of fecal matter in it. In this way it helps prevent haemorrhoids and colon cancer.

The propionic acid and beta glucan from barley's insoluble fibre also help lower cholesterol and prevent the formation of gallstones.

Eating barley regularly is a preventive step against heart disease as, besides the fibre content, it is also high in niacin, a B vitamin good for lowering cholesterol.

Diabetics should eat more barley as the fibre will prevent blood sugar levels from rising too high. It also provides relief from constipation or diarrhoea for those suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Barley is rich in selenium which prevents cancer and relieves symptoms of asthma and arthritis. It is a good source of manganese, copper and phosphorous.

Malt sugar comes from sprouted barley which, when fermented, is an ingredient in beer and other alcoholic beverages.

Barley, whose Latin name is Hordeum vulgare, has been cultivated for more than 10,000 years.

Since ancient times, barley has been used for healing purposes and has been known to the Chinese, Egyptians, Greeks and Romans. Athletes in Greece and Rome in those days were known to eat barley bread to give them strength.

Luckily for us, we have started picking up the routine to cook barley drink at least once a week. Each boil usually can last us 3 days.

Breast tenderness started early too

Cycle 15 : Day 14

Mucous just turn transparent today. Breast Tenderness just started this morning about a little over 7 pm. I am happy for the breast tenderness. But the mucous volume does not seem encouraging.  Sinseh has mentioned that the new chocolate herbs will expand my ovaries and increases the right hormone to 'pop' eggs. As the same time, the hormone will cause breast enlargement due to the expansion of milk ducts inside breasts. It all sounded to me like a herbal version of clomiphene, only all natural. Well, whatever it is, no fertilization is going to happen if we are not hardworking enough.

Oooo...booster herbs

The sinseh declared that my ovaries are much 'warmer' now and she 'allowed' me to try conceive this month. She has stopped all my leukorrhea and thyroid herbs and changed my prescription.

It's called 'chocolate'. That's right, she did not want to share her knowledge even one bit. She even made all her new patients signed on a indemnity form before starting treatment course. If i am a 'normal' child-bearing woman (like all the 95% of world's 'ok' child-bearing women), i would have probably told her to *...* off. Unfortunate me, i have to keep exercise my silence diligently and hopeful that these chocolate and black pills will be effectively enough to bring us a child. Ok for now, like 2 twelve years old, we faithfully down our shares everyday: 15 pills for dino dad's and 30 pills for me.