To Be Pregnant Again Soon

Corgie passed away

2011-10-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

The cutest dog in the Dino household, Corgie, has passed away sometime at dawn of Oct 7, 2011.

Dino dad and i almost got heart arrest to discover her motionless lying by the wall of the patio table, her tongue black and dropped out of her gaped mouth; her eyes were not even closed.

The night before she had been spotted with palpable enlarged stomach. She wouldn't eat her dinner - the first time. We knew something was very wrong. We even decided to rush her to the vet early next morning for scan. But she didn't last the night.

Vet suggested she died of GDV (Gastric dilatation-volvulus), also known as 'twisted stomach'. We've always prided ourselves the better pet owners who are quite knowledgable in dog-cat medical and behavior studies. But when it came to Corgie's case, we were acting like idiots, not having a clue of the sight of Corgie's condition in the last few hours before she died.

Another possibility the vet had suggested was heart attack. Last moment, i'd decided to call off the post-mortem, thinking whatever that had took her life must be either if these two possibilities.

Corgie has never had any health problem since the first year she came to our house through a friend who had caught her wandering in the street heedlessly. She was estimated to be no more than 1 year old when she entered our life: white, short, fluffy and her signature round brown patch on her white back. we even nicknamed her 'Japanese piggy'. Our neighbor also thought her breed is 'pig-dog' (猪仔狗). Hilarious, but adorable.

The first six months after her arrival, our house turned into a huge green cage, literally. She was peak on heat, trying everything to climb out through every little inch of chance she spotted. She would even pull out the nail on the wall using her nose and mouth so the plastic fence - we've erected temporary after discovering her outside the house when we got home from work one day - be wide enough for her to slip out. Through out her heat, there were at least 3 incidents, through ways we were still baffled until today how she'd did it, she was found outside wandering, so the security guard had informed us. Smart, wasn't she?

She was very intelligent. Perhaps the previous owner had had trained her - a pure breed corgi couldn't have been born stray - she responded to training very well. As mentioned in her breed guide, she had attentive eyes to owners - the one-owner type. So caring for you is most easy, though we had a little challenge in changing her one-dog-alpha mentally when she met our other older dogs Pepsi and Beagle, that are double her size. Plus, she loved picking at her food, throwing out foods which were less favorable and making her eating place messy with. And she loved attacking the cats' food bowl when we turned our backs.

So, her face was always a picture of sunny day, that sweetest smiling face when panting (she always panted), big bat years fronting and super super fast feet during jogging time.

6 years on, all bad habits had been successful changed and she'd recognized her fourth place in Dino's hierarchy of dominance, everything went well except her hyperactive trait. Too active, in fact. Every action was always an excitement; fast and snappy and lightning speed. Even waking from her sleep was like a spring. Truly justified her ancestral lineage of a hunting breed. We told ourselves that we must be prepared one day she might collapse with an heart attack when she gets older.

This year her left hind leg started limping occasionally. We thought a few things: hip dysplasia, prolapse disc (prone to long bodies dog) and long nail growth that made jogging uncomfortable. Only recent month she slowed a lot during jog time, even totally stopped to rest mid way. Concerned, we decided to bring her to vet for a whole full body checkup. Plus to clean her teeth.

One thing about Corgi, respite an A+ doggie, was her reluctance to let a fourth person - after me, Dino dad and my older sister - approach. So, vet always has an issue coming near her. Vaccination day was always quite a drama. On the morning of Oct 7, we took her to her vet. As usual, she struggled like hell in Dino dad's arm. Because this time the doc needed to test her knee cap, Corgie was muzzled and clamped down. Now thinking back, she might have struggled too assertively (almost 5 minutes). After coming home, she was seen fine the whole afternoon. Only started to shun food and breathing hard and drink quite often during night time.

We could see she wasn't comfortable that night - and stupid us didn't come across it to be the onset of heart attack of GDV. We even ruled in kidney failure - so Dino dad stayed up with her on the couch till 1am, all the time resolute to bring her to vet first thing the next morning.

Corgie didn't last the night. While slept, she breathed her last breath downstairs. She might have whined, but i think it was better we didn't see her go. Because it would be devastating for us, being helpless in the middle of night in a country where animal emergency care was not an option; in a Muslim country where dogs have no place.

Corgie weighted only 8kg when we sent her off for cremation. She used to weigh 10kg; she was only 6kg when we first took her in - the same weigh as our biggest tuxedo cat, Dharma. Today, her urn has been buried under the tree across our house, where she'd liked to wee wee whenever we let her out supervised.

Her sudden death devastated us momentarily. But we were surprised we could recoup fast - though each memory and photo of her brings tear to our eyes. We are thinking maybe we haven't pulled the plug, liked we did to our 'big fella' Beagle - lost his tail bone to bone cancer in just two months and Coffee, the big wolfie golden Husky-like dog, in her fight with bladder cancer. Throughout our lives, we have pulled the plugs of quite a number of strays we've rescued and had no chance of survival. Each time that happen, confusing emotion - did we did the right thing tumult - would plague for months. For Corgie's case, she passed on herself and the duration was only an overnight. She might have suffered the last few hours, the consolation is that death came quick, unlike Beagle and Coffee.

Also maybe we have reached a junction in life we are feeling tired of keeping pets. We have cared for over 20 cats (died and still living) and 8 or 9 dogs (some managed to rehome). With Corgie's deceased, Pepsi, our 14-year-old mongrel, is the last surviving 'daughter' in the house. We've seen and cried over and buried too many deaths. I think it is time we take a breather. Which also means sorry to the future dogs and cats, if they happen to cross our path, as we won't be helping them much. We've decided long ago that the best we would be doing is to rehome them or to hand over to NGOs.

I still cannot face my friend's newborn

2011-10-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

Through my facebook, I've learned my friend has finally given birth to her first baby a month ago. The baby girl is celebrating her full moon now. The newborn is perfect in every way a baby should be: fair, pinkish, chubby, bright eyes - and a full crown. Maybe takes on from mommy.

What is it to me? Simple. She's a friend i've known for over 10 years. She lives two rows from my house. If my first-ever-pregnancy hadn't been an ectopic, mine would be just a week behind her daughter's full moon. And i still cannot bring myself to walk over her house to congratulate her personally. That's the deal.

So i've chickened out and wished her through facebook instead; blending in among her many facebook friends. But i stay so near her house and yet i hide behind an electronic message.

For days i've contemplated: to go over or not to go. At one time, i'd got up and said, "Die, die la. Just go over and stay for 5-minutes" and derive an excuse of phantom appointment with other friends and then leave. Easy right? Just didn't happen. Couldn't get my feet into my shoes and stepped out the gate.

In my mind i was afraid of emotional turmoil the moment i set my sight on the little pink mittens waiving in mid air rocking in her little bouncer. Oh hell, of course i don't want to show my weakness outside the safety of my own home. I mean who'd care if this woman had lost her only successful concept to an ectopic; who'd care if this woman had been struggling with unexplained infertility for 3 years; who'd care if this woman has failed her therapy with the counselor. There are countless women outside my self-absorbed world who can conceived as easily as cracking open a peanut and manage children with career as easily as putting a car out of the porch to the nearest hypermarket.

My counselor has told me my decision to stay away from this new-mom-girlfriend is validated. She said it is okay for me if i am not ready to meet the newborn. Told me to ignore people's thinking i'm rude for not visiting when it's just 2 rows from my house.

But i am a high disciplined person. I champion people with good manners. I encourage younger people to be conscious of other people's welfare. I even intend to teach my god-son (my nephew), when he's a little older, what proper good-human ethics should be. Considering all that, i have not do the simplest manner by dragging my ass over to my friend's house for a simple 'Congratulation! You are now a proud mommy of a beautiful princess'.

I am so torn. I've told myself to stay away from pregnant people as long as i haven't strength my psychology against this issue. I have set my mental GPS to stir clear of pregnant people's path - even moms' path - in my radar, unless the pregnant woman or new mom has something beneficial to share with me like some medical stuff she'd tried that had contributed this successful pregnancy or that stuff she ate, or that doctor she'd seen or even that sex pattern she'd attempted. Or simply to share some real time hearing my grieve if she'd willing. Otherwise, i definitely live better without forcing myself to pretend 'ahh, how nice' or 'how exciting you're pregnant' or 'you're glowing' other shit stuffs like that that come out of my horned sales-mouth while my heart constricting the whole time.

Few days back, when i read about Guliana Rancic has been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer a few days before she was scheduled for her third IVF attempt, i felt a little relieve. Dammit! I am really sick, am i? Though i feel sad for her as i do feel what she's going through with a few failed IUIs and 2 IVFs - that's my journey too - but i can't help feeling i didn't want her to conceive before me. I am really sick. Yes, i am.

On the other hand, i also feel relieve and appreciating the fact that i do not have any cancerous issue after my two IVFs. It is a universe fact that the hormones jabs they pump into your body to boost egg numbers and quality do escalate malignant cells if they have been dormant all this while. (Quietly, i am counting my blessing. A recent breast scan declared my breasts are free from anything that the ultrasound could pick up. Phew! I must have done something right in my past life to earn this.)

Still, I think i need to go back to my therapist, and bury myself in my tracking on my estradiol, FSH and TSH levels. Tracking these numbers make me feel i am in control of my TTC condition, rather just stay and wait for baby to drop from the sky.

Little la-bi-xiao-xin (crayon kid)

2011-08-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

Baby nephew and his mom

Yesterday, Yahoo reported Beyonce showed off her baby bump.

Last week, Marion Canter announced she's five-month pregnant.

And one of my old time girlfriend will be birthing her first baby - a girl - in earth september.

How do i feel now? Sour, of course. Apparently, my chance of counseling with my psychology lecturer two weeks ago didn't do magic to my heart problem.

Good thing is, i have my little nephew to lift my mood. Baby nephew - i nicknamed him la bi xiao xin (crayon kid) - is now one-and-a-half years old and he has grown into a friendly little cuttie. Though at times, he can be quite a little clingy devil - being firstborn 3rd generation in my whole family and getting overloading shower of affection and pampering - his two-teeth smile soothes the ache in my heart each time he responses to his 'crazy aunt' play.

Little nephew was born on the same day i lost my 2nd set of IVF triplets. He became a significance to my infertility struggle - yes, seeing him always reminds me the pain the day i held tissues of miscarriage on a piece of toilet paper on my hand - but because he is a family, i get to love him as close as like my own while i take indulge in healing 'with time'. If he's a friend's, like in the current case of my soon-moher-be-girlfriend whose baby was conceived a week apart from my ectopic pregnancy, the significance would become averse. Like how i'm trying to dodge bumping into her during my evening run with my dogs, like how i react irrational when conversation with other friends linked to her, like how i am plotting how to just ignore calling to congratulate her after she dues in coming early september.

I know, i have become a pervert. Neurotic one at that, you might add - i don't mind.

But little nephew lives far down south. We only meet like two to three times a year. After this round, the next time i meet him he would be more aware of his surrounding and then maybe he would forget this 'crazy aunty' completely clean. Well, baby grows, and boy, they grows fast.

Hate to admit - but got to admit - i can be only cured of delirium the day i have my own baby dino either through birth or adoption.

I'd had Laparoscopic Salpingostomy

2011-03-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

Good thing that i had had insisted on it. And it was a good thing that i had listened to Dino dad for his decision to go for surgery.

Because, any later would have resulted me to not save my left tube.

My left tube is saved, matter-factly. Doc had written such in my insurance claim form.

Dr was able to save my tube because the sac was still smaller than 2cm and it was implanted near the far end of my left tube. (How i'd wished the sac had swam a bit more to reach my womb....aiiiiiiiiiii)

Now when the storm cloud is beginning to clear, i think i should, at the least, be thankful that i still have my left tube intact.

Upper urinary trait infection

2011-03-09T05:12:00.000-08:00

Monday bloodwork showed 3679mIU/ml. Good sign - that it dropped tremendously from 1,656 mIU/ml last 5 days reading.

But this drop is not good enough. Its been 20 days today since i last discharged from hospital and i still have some very resisting and surviving pregnancy cells remaining in my tube.

Why? Why? Why? Why is it that the cells were fragile when i wanted my earlier pregnancies to survive? Why is it that now that the cells are so tough when i want them to die off?

On top of that, i am suffering a complication - severe case of urinary trait infection. My lower abdomen pain me round the clock like hell.. AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!............ while i wait for the hospital lab to culture the bacteria. There is trembling pain when i walk. There are sharp burning sensation when i pee. And i can't tell where the blood discharge after i pee-ed was from my residual menses or blood in my urine. Yesterday i'd even advanced to experiencing pain in my upper back and side flanks (nearby by where my kidneys are). Today, i topped my advancement with a nausea and feeling chilly.

I guess this time my UTI problem is acute pyelonephritis (infection to the kidneys). I can even suggested to my own diagnosis to my dr. (I should have taken medicines for my tertiary education).

Causes? I am suspecting my prolonged use of sanitary pads for the last 18 days was the main cause. Gosh! I have never worn pads for more than 5 days until after this ectopic surgery.

Hhhhhhhurrrrrrrrrr........ sooooooooooo painful, yet no medication...... hhhuuuurrrrrrrr.........

Why me? Why me? Why me?

I even have a presentation at client's office tomorrow morning. HHHHHUUUURRRRRRRR....... why why why why.....................................

Baby: A joy or a debtor?

2011-02-24T22:29:00.001-08:00

Bloodwork on day 3 after surgery showed the hCG has dropped from 9.505 mIU/ml down to 1,665.

Another bloodwork on day 10 (after surgery) read 1,155.

Dr. was not happy with the reading. The hcG was dropping too slow. He wanted to see my hCG to drop below 50 because that reading will satisfy him to know for sure that all my residual pregnancy cells remaining in my affected fallopian are dead.

Because, the Dr. has tried his best to save my tube. Because, if there some left in the tube, the remaining cells could multiply on its own (so scary - like sci-fi movie) turn cancerous if not flushed out. If there were a rebound in the hCG reading, Dr. said he might need to operate me again (again??!!!!) to truly remove the affected part of the tube.

Meaning = to severe my tube!!!

Can my life gets any worse?

What's wrong with my wish to be a mother?

I only want ONE child. Is that too much to ask?

Every week there are newborns dumped in thrash or abandoned in some reclusive places left to rot reported in Malaysia papers. Last year reported over 500 newborns found dead in hell places. And just last week, reported in major dailies, a newborn found dead on a walkway of small town.

What have i done in my past life that these babies preferred to choose to be born not to my home but to the homes of these young-no-brainers and be left to die like pests??????

Rhonda Byrne's The Secret of the law of attraction = my ass!

I should sue her for refund of my purchase of her book and my time spent in diligent practicing her now-proven-not-working fad for two years. If I am not the best proof of her empty theory, then who is?

As if that was not enough suffering, my bloodwork showed below 8 vg/dl. I had three pints of blood transfusion, with one causing me allergy had me scratching my face like a monkey and red dots grew on my face, neck and scalp. Damn the antibiotic. They hurt like hell when injected intravenously.

To add salt to wound, my intestines were sort of putting on a no-work demonstration; i couldn't fart or shit. My stomach bloated with carbon dioxide like i was six-month pregnant !

To add salt + Brazilian pepper to my after-surgery pain, they placed my ward directly opposite the newborn nursery. Though the nursery curtain was drawn down at all time, but i could hear newborns' healthy crying round the clock. And when i took zombie-walk along the ward corridor, dressed in the sexy hospital robe, pulling the intravenous in one hand and carrying the blood pump on the other, hoping to stimulate bowel movement, visitors of neighboring newborns' families would see my ridiculously bloating stomach and enquired about my pregnancy. They asked out of genuine goodwill courtesy - after all, they thought this was the 'delivery floor'. I just died ten-percent each time i saw their face turned ashamed when i repeated the same sentence: I've just lost my baby.

Throughout my stay in the ward, i did not mingle with any new moms within the floor. I'd tried avoid taking walks during visiting hours. I don't share their joy, especially when i was - and still am - so raw into my loss. I'd felt knife went through my heart whenever i heard excited visitors talking to nurse wanting to visit who and who's newborn. My bile rushed up when i heard healthy newborns wailing in neighboring wards.

There was once, sometime in late morning, i overheard a stupid woman complaining to a don't-know-who, about her daughter-in-law who had just delivered a fourth baby girl. That stupid old woman was disappointed not getting a grandson. She also complained the hefty cesarean incurred. If i were not in the bathroom trying to maneuver between a drip, a blood pump and trying to clean blood dripping from my ass after pee, all the while delirious under drug influence, I would have rushed out to bite that woman's head off. "Old woman, first, you should not interfere in your son's affair. Secondly, you should be lucky to having grandchildren at all. Thirdly, of course, if you are feeling too many girls and still want to push your daughter-in-law to pig a baby boy next, do feel free to let me adopt your newborn grand daughter. I can ang pow you RM30,000 right away, stupid old woman."

At home, the scenario did not help. Out of sudden, my immediate next-door neighbor - don't know from where or on what occasion - suddenly had a bunch of their kampung relatives visiting, and their throng of kids screaming and kampung-ied my house front, plus disturbing my dogs in my compound! I wanted so much to shout at these kampung kids right in front of their parents. I wanted so much to dump the load of emotion in them. I wanted, I wanted to, but i didn't. To do that would let the world knows about my yet-another failure.

Also out of nowhere, that extreme, foul-mouth Pakistani muslim air stewardess neighbor living a few door from mine, who usually avoids coming near my front yard after the open-quarel we had some years ago about her wrongly involving my dogs with the local animal enforcement, suddenly found my dogs interesting, and has been pramming her new 3-months-old baby to my front yard in the mornings cooing at my dogs and cats. What the fuck! What the fuck!

Go ahead, think me evil. Think me selfish. Think me 變態. Yes. I am 變態 and a very bitter one.

But look around you. Poor families usually bear children like pigs and the miracle part is their children usually get to grow up without problem. I have travelled far, i have seen enough rural people leaving their babies crawling on mud while parents minded their livelihood. Despite little muddy fingers go into their mouth, many of these children grew up and become parents of their own.

But do they really appreciate the significance of the existence of a child? I do not think so. They bear children not out of good intention. They bore children as a result of uncontrolled birth control. On extreme cases, for those who are staunchly religious - in whatever faith - think that children are god's gift, and to prevent god's creation is betrayal to their god, hence a child is born. And eventually the brood grew from three to seven. But the household income could honestly only afford three mouth qualitatively.

When children cannot be given the best of education, and the best of universal wisdom, and the best level of attention and love from parents, what's the use of his or hers existence in this world? Look around me. I see only social ills. I see mat rempits. I see snatch thieves. I see below-par workers in the government sector. I see government hospitals full house. I see young adults with mentally only confined to kampung level despite having completed secondary schools. I see society loosers falling back to the comfort zone of all-things religion, hiding in the veil of god, god, god, every day calling the name of gods in vain. I see society loosers joining fanatic groups doing what-they-kid-themselves-thinking doing god's work and be granted to heaven. I see gangsterism thrive. I see Egypt and Libyan political turmoil.

Don't all these problems rooted from a weak foundation in a child's years?

But inexplicably, the well-to-do society continues to have infertility issues, and the hardly-able-to-feed-themselves group continues to contribute to the country's expanding population.

ai.........................................

It is ECTOPIC

2011-02-24T19:59:00.000-08:00

It's official.

2nd opinion by a consultant gynaecologist and obstetrician in Sunway Hospital re-confirmed i had an ectopic pregnancy on 18 Feb 2011. Ultrasound showed - this time clearer than the last scan - my lower left fallopian tube swollen and there was blood forming in the affected area. It was not in my pelvis because i felt no pain when Dr. performed pelvic examination.

Dr. said: Very bad news; the baby is growing robustly BUT in the wrong place. While your fetal is struggling to survive, your tube is fast rupturing. You must be operated immediately before full-blown rupture hits.

Me and Dino dad: That bad meh? Can't wait a few more days or two? Maybe our baby might decide to roll away from my tube and swim to my womb leh? This pregnancy is our first pregnancy that survived past 7 weeks - and is still growing strong.

Dr: The chance is one in 40,000, if that happens. If not, then you are subjecting yourself to a high-risk situation where ectopic at worst case, is life-threatening. Currently, there is no technology that can save a pregnancy that has implanted outside of a womb.

Dr. wouldn't release me home and repeatedly warned of the dangerous complications if rupture happened. I wanted to wait but Dino dad was firmed to choose the lesser evil of two evils: to save me first. He signed the consent form and Dr. issued an emergency surgery that afternoon itself.

Normally, the fertilized egg is carried to the uterus to be implanted and grow. In my case, the egg was beginning to implant in my left fallopian tube, an area of the uterus that cannot sustain life, where pregnancy can't go on because the growing embryo and placental tissue can destroy the structures outside the uterus. If left to later stage, i could either loose a tube (beyond repair, and reduce 50% chance to conceive) or die from severe hemorrhage when the tube rupture. Only on rare cases that the mother to miscarry naturally without rupture, hemorrhage or death. But i know; i would never be that lucky one.

I learned that ectopic pregnancies are fairly common, like 1 in 1oo pregnancies. Talking about odds, how unlucky can i be?

In the OT, even the nice Dr. Anesthetist shared my pain when he saw the reason i was all prep lying and waiting in doom. Probably he saw my pain through my red eyes and nose; I had been repeatedly saying goodbye to my baby the minute i was pushed out of my ward heading to the OT. I told the my baby to forgive me. I'd have to end its life by force. I did not cried out but i was suffocating inside, trying to be strong - don't know for what? While waiting for my turn to be put out, i imagined my baby playing in Buddha's embrace and i'd pleaded to Buddha to bring this baby to pure land. This baby is innocent; i am the one going to abort this little life no matter how badly i wanted to keep it.

After waiting liked forever in the ward and in the OT, at 8pm same day i was finally pushed out, semi-conscious, plus suffering a hypertemia-like episode, and a bad sore throat (caused by anesthesiologist O2 tube thrust into my trachea).

At that moment, the realization of being back to 'not-pregnant' was drastically real.

The laporoscopic surgery left me with three incision wounds in my lower abdomen - the 3rd one was directly inside my belly button - and a tube attached out from my womb area, draining blood out of my uterus for the next two days. Plus the ever-present intravenous drip on my left hand.

Bloodwork confirmed i was starting to minor hermorrhage; my hemoglobin counts dropped to less 7.3 vg/dl whereby a healthy woman should be between 11.5 - 15.5. Immediately i was put on blood transfusion.

Next week have to do another bloodwork to see if my body has rid off all the unwanted pregnancy cells as it should be.

Pain Attack!

2011-02-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

This morning, the pain started like severe bloating; minor but sharp. It started getting serious by the time i reached office and it made me felt like wanted to take a dump. After much gentle massages to my ballooning belly, i'd finally released quite a good amount of, literally, hard stool.

But the pain did not go away - like it had been the first time this situation happened two days (Feb 15) ago, at home when it suddenly attacked and left me struggling in and out of faint, heavy sweating, bullet-train palpitation all the while curled up like a prawn trembling in sharp-killing pain. The pain slowly subsided after i passed some hard stool and took two painkillers. I did not bleed immediate after this attack, but i did bled some 8 hours later. Our hearts dropped to the floor when i saw fresh red on toilet papers. That night we went to bed in tears. Somehow - didn't know why - the bleeding stopped the next morning and last the next 24 hours.

When the pain attack again this morning, not only it didn't go away after i took a dump, the pain sort of localized to my left abdomen. And the pain intensified. No choice - no GP dared to prescribe laxative in my case - we went to my gynae. The pain was over the top when i reached the hospital and was admitted immediately.

Again, i started bleeding because of this pain attack. And again, our hearts dropped to the floor, thinking this time it's going to be a real miscarriage.

3 doctors saw me, few rounds of ultrasound searches, some ponstan, some laxative tables, a drip, a super-fast positive urine test (i wondered under who's no-brainer ordered that when my last hcg was already 4,336) and a newly derived hCG result at over 9000.

No one can tell me am i week 6 or week 7 because no sac found in my uterus. Although my hCG is rising but the numbers were not doubling as it should be in a heathy fetal development.

The funniest thing is: i stopped bleeding!!!!! Just like it was the first attack after.

At 7pm just now, the doc declared that he was over 90% sure i am having an ectopic pregnancy. And i must be operated this night itself.

We looked at the doc with blank eyes. Is he crazy? Me to go under the table without a conclusive finding? Wait a minute. He couldn't even find the sac anywhere else. How can he operate me and go on a search mission?

We wanted to wait and see, the doc wasn't happy with our decision. He said my condition is gravely dangerous and he wouldn't discharge me, unless he referred me to another specialist opinion - his friend, in this case - this evening itself.

We took the reference letter and settled the whopping RM590 bills and went back to the office. No kidding; if i am to be hospitalized the next few days, i must delegate works properly before i go MIB. If not, i wouldn't RIP. So we get some office work done and went home eventually at 9.45pm.

As i am writing this, i am thinking why no doctors want to listen to the essence of my complaints? That i feel i am merely having a case of the grandest of constipation and gas-bloating???? Why is everybody leaning unerringly to ectopic??? Out of 7 top symptoms of ectopic, not one that matches my condition of these two attacks.

I felt lightheartedness only during the excruciating pain in an attack.

I bled but it stopped - even without taking medications, just like today.

I did not experience one-sided shoulder or pain below diaphragm.

I am more than 100% sure my pain was due to almost non-bowel movement. From what i have learned, bowel movements is probably retarded by over use of uterus supportive meds (progesterone jab + Progynova+progesterone inserts every day).

For heaven's sake, i don't fart healthily! So it natural to have gas stuck all over my intestines and making my stomach ballooning to look like 6 months pregnant. With religious folic acid taking and little intake of water, of course i constipate like hell.

Right now, i am feeling totally normal except for the gas discontent in my stomach. With no meds taken this whole day, i am able to fart more often this evening. I guess my bowel is able to start moving again.

Should i listen to my doc and admit myself tomorrow morning for an explorative surgery? Or should i just stop all meds and take up wait-and-see strategy? What could be worse? A sudden attack from a rupture tube that could put me in life-threatening situation? Yes, i know that. But, what if the doctors were wrong? What if i am just a case of severe constipation and gas-bloating and risk a could-be potentially healthy pregnancy?

I think i will seek second opinion tomorrow, do more scanning to find that tiny sac and to observe two - if possible - more rounds of hCG numbers.

Oh!!! got to go. I think the laxative i took this morning is starting to push stools into my rectum. Time to take a huge dump. And hopefully after that i would be pain-free.

6wks 3 days - No sac yet

2011-02-10T23:57:00.000-08:00

I am pretty sure i am 6 weeks 3 days according to my last LMP; i keep a TTC calendar every month!

But today's transvaginal scan saw nothing, did not pick up any sac but a strange white 'blob' of unknown. My heart sank with the finding.

The nice doc continued to soothe me quoting that i 'may be' still too early. And that the white blob could be a sac formation in progress. She did warned, however, that if the sac still don't show by next scan (next Monday), then doc will be searching for an ectopic.

My hCG on Feb 9 was 2466, which i do not see its optimistic because the maximum agregate of a healthy fetal development ranged up to 7,000 at week 6. Mine is below the middle.

I have read some forum, many TTC moms who had the same situation like mine were somehow half ended in ectopic and needed a laparoscopy for diagnosis and then ended in D&C, while the other half ended in surprise 'late grower', and ended with miracle livebirths.

Not helping, not helping, not helping!!!!!!!!!! No pregnant, hurt; got pregnant now, hurt triple. Why is it so much just to have one baby??????? Next scan is 3 days later, next bloodwork is tomorrow but result can only be known on Monday as we are approaching a weekend. And my breast tenderness seems to have reduced to- if put on a scale 1-10 with 10 being the most intense - 2. That is the tenderness can only be felt - mildly - if pinched. I even suspect the remaining tenderness is solely the work of the progesterone jab+Progynova meds+ vaginal inserts. My nipples, though still gorge-looking, have already lost its sensitivity. And worst of all, spotting of brown-to dark brown has resumed yesterday and it has not stopped. No symptoms of feeling pregnant; no sickness. Bed rests the past days did not seem to help.

Gosh! I had 10x more intensity with my boobs, bloating and frequent urination during my days in Mynamar than now.

Another blow came when a girlfriend - who lives 2 rows behind my house dropped the bomb that she is now 7 weeks and just came home with a 34cm fetal scan with heartbeat!!!!!

Listen to that!!! I want to feel happy for her but i felt more rage than to be afford generosity at this moment with me struggling an unknown direction to my second 'naturally conceived' pregnancy. I am damn worry this going to be another failure - the stats aren't optimistic - but i dang hope at least a sac be shown in my uterus even if it were a blighted ovum or a non-viable sac. Important thing is NOT BE AN ECTOPIC.

How cruel can life be?

Angiesmon, your post is the only light i am hanging on to.

Agiesmom says:

Aug 16, 2007 11:38PM

At 6 weeks, 2 days I had a transvaginal ultrasound and they saw nothing--no yolk sac, no fetal pole, no heartbeat. At 8 weeks, I had another transvaginal ultrasound and they still saw nothing--just a black oval. My doctor told me that it's over (blighted ovum) and suggested a D&C or Cytotec to help "move things along". I refused both, saying I wanted to wait and let my body do what it needs to do on its own. I never started cramping or bleeding and my doctor was concerned, saying that infection can set in when a miscarriage doesn't complete in a timely manner. So at 9 weeks, 5 days I had another ultrasound and there she was! Heartbeat and all! She is perfect and beautiful and will be 6 months old on August 21st.

I know this isn't typical and I don't want to give anyone false hope, but I am so glad that I waited.

2011 Jan 8 - Spotting stopped!

2011-02-07T19:42:00.000-08:00

IT STOPPED!! IT STOPPED!!

The Progynova worked. The progesterone inserts worked.

No cramp noted since yesterday dawn. Phew.

Overall status: A-ok.

Next scheduled scanning : Jan 10.

Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, enjoy some aerial view over bagan, taken from hot air balloon ride.

2011, Jan 7 - Living hell

2011-02-06T22:52:00.000-08:00

The spotting was supposed to stop; after the jab and 2 dosages of Progynova, isn't it? Counting back to the first day of my last period - Jan 4 - i should be on day 35th, that's exactly end of 5th week.

But i still bleeds, bit by bit, all dark brown, not enough for a pad but quite taxing on a panty liner. I have been resting the whole day, sitting in front of TV from 2pm to 1am. What more to do?????

I have mild period-like cramp felt at dawn this morning, and my breast tenderness was almost gone. I knew the signs too well - an impending miscarriage. I knew it. I had it times before. But still i needed to get up to pee. Fresh red blood colored my urine. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, it confirmed my presumptions.

I felt the dream slipping through my arms, and rage renewed.

All right, life is very cruel and that's my shitty destiny - to be teased, poked fun with happiness one day and then only to be doused with fire the next. Didn't care, put on heels (against Doc's order), went to client's office to collect a due cheque, went lunch, waited for hubby sinseh treatment and then back.

A check on the pad, an hour ago did not see flushing. Same old, same old with the dark brown spotting.

I am going into a freaking mode already. Gosh! its so hard!!!!

2011, Jan 6 - PREGNANT FINALLY!!!!!!!

2011-02-06T22:14:00.000-08:00

FINALLY! FINALLY! FINALLY! PREGNANT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YAY! YAY! YAY!

After half expecting another month of fail preggo, we boarded the scheduled plane and flew off to Myanmar for a 4-days Chinese New Year breakaway - it was time i let the whole TTC issue to rest and start reliving my life in a brand new year. Hubby and i have talked about leaving the preggo wish to destiny and confirmed resorting to adoption once the dragon year (2012) set in. Rabbit clashes with hubby. If we were to adopt, of course we would want to adopt a compatible child.

So, there we were, thrashing through the streets of Yangon city in hell-taxi rides when in one of the rides, the taxi door flung opened suddenly and banged the rear of a park white Camry that was parked by the roadside, and the taxi door bounded back in; got stranded in Yangon domestic airport for 2 hours due to fog so dense, visibility was mere 3 feet; got on a 45-minutes hot air balloon ride over Bagan sky - the magnificent archaeological park of thousands pagodas; after having endured two mornings and evenings of temperature drop to 14-Celsius - didn't expect Myanmar to be this cold and our luggage were stuffed with only T-shirts; after a climb of more than 500 steps up the legendary temple on the tip of Mount Popa; after hours running around photographing Yangon 2,500 years-old Shwedagon temple under burning sun and a climbing-up-and-down spring cleaning of my walk-in walkdrobe a day after returning from Myanmar, plus flipping the double queen sized beds, my period still wouldn't start flushing as

it should be. The dark brown spottings were getting on my nerve and i was already starting anticipating a relapse of hypothyrodism. So bought the cheapest pregnancy test kit at Guardian after Sushi supper and was intended to get myself tested once and for all.

My sleeping popped opened and all fog in my sticky eyes dissipated as my pupils traced the urine being absorbed, rising steady and smoothly passed all indicator and the on-the-spot emergence of 2 pink lines on the strip.

Wow! wow! wow! wow! I checked and rechecked the instruction sheet to make sure i was reading the strip signal correctly. There they were: 2 wonderful, strong, sure, pink lines. There were the most beautiful thing in this whole wide world. I screamed and ran down stairs to a petrified hubby who was half way bathing the fur-kids.

We got it!!!! Naturall!!!! No whatsoever medications!!! And it happens in the last water month.

Went to our regular gynae, did a scan - but fibroids were blocking the view of a possible sac - so the good doctor gave me progesterone jab on the butt and prescibed Progynova for the next 5 days. Doc knew of my previous twice failed IVF and she summoned me to absolute bed rest from this day on.

But can i ?

PICKING UP PIECES

2010-08-11T01:16:00.000-07:00

I'm back.

Though still very much a bitter person,

but i'm turbo charged with determination.

The fight's still on.

Quest continues.

Another saga unfold.

I tell myself that i still have 42 months before i hit 40.

Now faithless, i'm resolving to rely on my bazi for guidance.

World-renowned bazi master saw my bazi and augured that herbal medicines is the cure - wood element - to resolve the child-bearing clash indicated in my bazi.

So it is, Chinese medicine.

Unlike western treatment like IVF - which are tactical solutions - TCM is a long distant marathon.

I have commenced TCM treatment with a TCM gynae from China and i am hoping fervently that she would be The One to cure me with the treasure of the 5,000 years-old traditional Chinese formula for woman's wellbeing formula.

Also my bazi indicated that i have entered a new ten-year cycle of Output. Which means these are going to be the years that i will, literally, produce, be it my creativity @ work, music, novel-writing and most desired of all - a baby.

TCM (wood) + Ouput (water) = baby (finger-cross)

IN GRIEF

2010-08-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

My 2nd IVF attempt miscarried on 16 April 2010. All three tiny lives had lived just one week longer than the first triplet's. This second attempt lasted exactly four weeks and four days from embryo transfer date. Technically, i was really pregnant for only a month - from fertilization with triplets thriving at eight-cells when they were put back into my womb.

On the very same day of my loss, i'd, sadly, celebrated the birth of my younger brother's first child. Aside from hubby, i had told no one about my miscarriage. I had faked a joyous face throughout this day as it was a historical day for my family because this baby boy is also my parent's first grandchild, a.k.a. the third generation. Baby Hong-Hong is a epitome of my yearning, my desire, my longing and my depression.

As much as i am happy to welcome a new life into the family, i was also submerging in tremendous grief with my loss. My weight dropped drastically, tipping the scale to 8kg. I couldn't bring myself to blog and work life was monologue. I let myself grieved without reserve; i'd stayed reclusive, pensive, wistful, hurt.

Unfortunately, i still haven't emerge, even till today. I am as bitter as before. I snapped easily. I can taste sour in my tongue whenever i see women my age or younger walking by with a proud baby bump. I detour whenever such women came onto my path.

I never thought i can actually - and literally - 'taste' failure. And now i have. It makes me want to loathe. It makes me want to find fault at something...someone. It makes me want to scream my head off.

Despite not getting any of those achieved, at least it has successfully made me turn my back on religion or all things spiritual. I am able to say it out loud, to anyone, that i think religion or GOD or any faith are just a psychology illusion people conjure to cushion self in moments of weakness.

"Religion is an illusion and it derives its strength from the fact that it falls in with our instinctual desires. At bottom, God is nothing more than an exalted father."

Sigmund Freud.

I couldn't agree more. I can truly feel and understand it's extent at this junction of my life when i have had finally got down on my knees at numerous times, prayed and begged for help to secure the second IVF. Poignant prayers despite heartfelt pledges. No miracle happened. The atrocious gushes of red came, flushing out my previous triplets, my dream, my yearning, along with my honest belief of faith.

Today, i am able to lift my fingers to blog. Probably out of hatred, out of revenge at everything that stands in my way to mother a child. Maybe i should congratulate myself for coming out of grief and promoted to anger. Maybe i am telling myself i should not be giving up so soon. Maybe i need the anger to fuel my determination to fight on. Maybe i need the fire to fuel my next book: Do we need GOD?

A Girl’s story of Ovum Donation in Malaysia

2010-04-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have accidently stumbled upon an interesting yet hope generating website http://spareyoureggs.com. The author is a brave Malaysia woman who had donated her eggs for a fee at an unnamed medical center in the country. I'd read her website with uninterrupted interest as she had written about the process and procedures so well and never the slightest slur hinted in her report.

Reading her website had cheered my another-day-of-2ww-blue. Though she had done the donation with a nominal fee in return, but having had been through the egg-growing process myself twice, i must applaud her courage and her unwavering decision to go through the painstaking process that lasted in no less than four weeks. Though its for a fee, which might be spent off within a week, but her contribute could last a life time if the eggs made it to the birth stage. The magnitude of the egg donors are justified wider and farther than dollar and cents. Donated eggs could bring life and happiness... in an otherwise grim family.

But there was one woman named Sarah commented on her website with such narrow-minded perception that brought me to think, such people still exist in this twenty-first century??? Read on.

sarah Says:
March 4th, 2009 at 5:42pm

Hi dear,
You are very brave. But i must ask, when u do plan to have children of your own, have u thought about the consequences that u have other children out there, who you might never even get to know of, with your genes and dna running through them? what if your own children happens to fall in love with your donated-egg child, and they never find out that they are related? and then an incest is in the making, which is a crime, but no one will ever know cos you dont know?
isnt that horrible?

if ur never planning to have kids, i think that would be much better, but you also never know if ur cousins or siblings or you yourself fall in love and meet with your donated-egg child. crimes could be born UNKNOWN.

Bizarre, isn't she? If more people think like Sarah, i couldn't imagine what could possibly be their views towards other aspects of their life. I think self-preservation would their core agenda to life - everything that concern their interest must come first. On a lighter note, imagine being her daughter-in-law....guahahaha

I seldom pray lately, but i would wish to make this exception for the kind author and her courage to maintain her website. I pray to all gods that the divines would see her sincere objective and bless her for her courage to do the nonorthodox in the name of charity to those unfortunate childless and infertile community.

cycle 29 (2nd IVF Day 10) - 2WW blues

2010-04-03T00:07:00.000-07:00

I'd nearly had a breakdown this morning - my breasts were devoid of pains to the touch. That flicked me out of my stupor liked ice-cold water poured onto me. I said up on my bed and started pressing my breast all over lightly trying to detect some pain. Though i've got some tenderness but the symptoms were very weak. My nipples had went from non-touchable to press-able. I zombied through the regular morning routine and i ate breakfast without tasting the wanton mee.

I simple couldn't bring myself to do or make my brain to think of anything else. I didn't even tell Dino dad. After the morning shower, i sat in front of the TV at 9.45am before switching on New Moon DVD, i concentrated on chanting "I have a strong womb, my babies are strong and i will see them in nine months time" over and over for a long moment. Though the chanting did not settled my fear, but i could feel the tenderness on my breasts increased slightly. Yeah, don't think i'm crazy - i know and took mental note on every little significant or insignificant symptoms that goes on in my body.

I do entirely aware that all symptoms of possible implantation i am feeling right now are caused by the drugs i am subjecting my body to; i know full well that hCG injections raised alkaline taste at my throat all day to the extend i'd felt two-percent-nauseous, the intense breast tenderness feeling is also the work of hCG and progesterone suppository, the fatigue, five-percent increase in urination and engorged nipples. I welcome all these. These symptoms help me to stay focus and think positively. In fact, and not shy to declare, i cling my sanity to it.

There's nothing i want more this year than holding an infant in my arms. I'd even prepared to drop all my careers if i were really pushed to that - as told to me by bazi consultants that it was indicated in my bazi to be a one hundred-percent mom should i conceived successfully. Whatever, i don't mind. I am ready for all eventuality that might shift the horizon of my work life.

Now, as i write, the breast tenderness had got stronger but slightly lesser than yesterdays. But at least the metallic taste on my throat returned. Many IVF mom-to-be websites cited that the two-week-wait should not be an eventful period, that there're usually not much significant symptoms to catch even if the lucky mom is carrying twins. The best confirmation lies on day 14 when doc would summon a urinal test and most IVF docs claimed that any pregnancy urinal tests done will not be reliable until 16 days after egg collection.

Well, i am four days away. And these days of the 2ww are most nerve-racking time of the whole treatment cycle. It is the only period when two major impacts can be felt at once - the elation for knowing my babies could have successfully implanted when there's still significant symptoms to be felt, whereas sandwiched on the other side of the moment is the feeling of uncertainly, of possible deflation of spirit, when i am feeling so helpless like a fat, useless potato couch with thousands of questions fleeting in my head that no one could answer - even God, even specialists. I want to reach for the dial, but who could i call? The counsellor? (Please! people are getting pregnancy like eating peanuts every day. They have more suicidal cases on hand) The IVF support group? (let me know i there's one near you) The doctors? (These species are trained for their hand skills which the universities had forgotten they have a mouth too) The nurses? (Huh? iss it? Yes ah? I don't know la. I only work here.) Friends? (Two types. Type one : Uh-uh, yes yes, excuse me for one second, (yelling) Boy, if you don't stop that i will smack you. Ok, where were we? Isn't my baby girl looking like his daddy...? Type two: Uh-uh, yes yes, my god who's kids are those? Somebody stop them from screaming like monkeys. My ears hurt. Ok, where were we? Sigh.......................... again ................. and again ......................

In the meantime, anyone want to be my surrogate mother? Or do you have an extra healthy baby you couldn't afford to feed or give grade A education? I don't mind having more even if i have my own. My house is big and there's only two people, two dogs and a few cats living here. Got extra empty rooms.

cycle 29 (2nd IVF) - I have 3 again

2010-03-26T06:31:00.000-07:00

I have received three of my well developing 8-cells embryos back into my womb on March 25. Though March 26 was the best recommended day - by my Bazi consultant as the day had both of my favorable elements: wood and water - i didn't opted for it because doc had advised me not to let my living embryos exposed to the outside world for more than three days. Clinically proven that surviving embryos thrive best in the nature-made environment of a woman's womb.

My consultant helped me to settled on March 25 as second best - having wood but sitting on Earth (unfavorable). Well, i had to resolved that March 25 was the better option than to March 24 as it was a month-breaker day though both of the day elements suited me too. Better heed the consultant - didn't think Month-breaker was lesser than my IVF investment.

True enough, the embryo-transfer went very well. I was bizarrely craving for chicken chop when i was discharged from the hospital at noon. It should be a good sign.

The fact that i craved food was yet a significant change of luck in this second IVF attempt because i simply suffered NO OHSS! That alone was something to be celebrated. Why, because i did not wallow in great stomach discontent - that had blown up my stomach to a 6-month pregnant belly - and breathing difficulty. I got to eat all my meals like usual. I am still wearing my jean and fitting Ts. And most crucial of all, i won't be spending extra RM960 for any albumin to flush OHSS and i WILL BE getting my progesterone jabs every fourth day - yeah!

Well, there was also a little set back - i didn't produce enough quality eggs to be frozen for next future use. I produced fifteen eggs on the first IVF. This round i'd only managed to produce six eggs. I guess that was what i had to be balanced with - less eggs = no OHSS...sigh.

Freezing the extra eggs can help to reduce the time and money of the pre-IVF journey if i were to want more babies in the future. Its a technology to be marveled. Alas, i couldn't benefit from it.

On day two, two of my embryos died at four-cells. When the embryologist broke the news, my knees got weak - i mean that'd left a balance of only four embryos to chance. Many negative notions flashed through my brain, what if they didn't do well and i had to start the injections all over again?

Somehow, my luck got a little up tide. When i checked in for transfer procedure, the embryologist announced that the fourth one died too but there were three very strong eight-cells fella still thriving. And they were growing as per schedule.

But this time, the embryologist said their monitor was not functioning well so they couldn't let me see the images of my embryos. How coincident? Why did i get the feeling that they didn't want this informed patient poking her nose too much into their procedure? Could the doc regretted to let me keep the image of my embryos during the first IVF? Sniff, sniff... i am tormenting myself now with negative thoughts about the doc's motive. Hopefully they didn't lie to me that my embryos were not showing well and they wouldn't want me to cancel last minute... gua.

Sigh.... i'd better stop musing with the negatives and start focusing the positive. I need to start observing physical signs - doc said my embryos should be starting to implant this Saturday or Sunday.

So now, off i go to lie on my couch again. Want to see the real image of a couch potato? That's me!

cycle 29 (2nd IVF) - Hormones gone haywire

2010-03-07T00:40:00.000-08:00

I am seventh day late and i still don't see even a red spot.

Why life has to torment me this way; i saw red at the times when i would give anything in the world to NOT see it, and now i don't see even a red dot when i am unbelievably panting for it. Can life get anymore bizarre than mine?

Ideally, i should have waited for at least an interval month rest before embarking on second IVF. This rest would help my body to retune itself to its natural cycle. Because i was too eager to meet my tiger-baby deadline, because i was and still am feeling healthy and robustious, i made the decision last month to not waste more time idly when my body - based on my theory - is still being under the control of medications. Might as well to continue diffusing my brain further while my body is still able to take on IVF procedures.

But i am supposed to menstruate seven days ago. With its absence for the seventh day, i am less calm as i had been last week. My chin is severely battered with acne eruptions - something i don't get unless there's a hormonal disturbance to my system. Some websites even sited that this is a sign of increase androgen (male hormones) in my system. Wow, i am more mainly now? But i actually felt more beautiful than myself in the whole of last year. My hair less frizzy, it's got more weight. Hmm, if its true, it certainly can help to explain the slightly raised passion-on-bed in February. - more than any other month for the past ten months.

The delay is probably due to the daily Suprefact jabs that i have been taking at home since Feb 23. Out of curiosity, i did a quick search on the internet and discovered it is also referred as the widely known Lupron that i have been reading about all along before.

Lupron suppresses the communications between my little pituitary gland, on the back of my lower brain, with my ovaries. When there's no communications going on, my ovaries do not receive order to manufacture eggs that would eventually lead to spontaneous ovulation like a normal cycle would. When Lupron takes over the wheel, it sort of temporarily immobile the autopilot function of m body while waiting for a newly appointed captain to take office so that he, my doctor, can manually pilot my body according to his schedule and strategies. Hah! did i got that right? I hope so.

Hmm, hypothetically, my pituitary gland should be well suppressed by now judging from the absence of menses, as some websites did explained that patient would sometimes get a period but not always. See? It said not always. So i should be one the norm, i guess. I should relax a little.

Doc advised if i don't get menses in the next two days, he would give me medication to flush it. And that is something new! I didn't know there's something available to induce menses. Wow, science marvel. But doc would also need to run a blood test and ultrasound then to verify the status of my pituitary suppression before he could advise on starting FSH.

At this junction, seems like my timing has gone a little off track. This could sidetrack my aim to achieve pregnancy by March 15 and hey.., my fervent hope to get these little darlings delivered on Nov 15 if they could stay in full nine months.

On a light note, this sidetrack could mean that i might be endowed with a surpassing treat - for all the torments i endured and unbending perseverance the last twenty nine months -my babies to be born close to Christmas!! (my heart sings already....)

Cycle 29 - 2nd IVF

2010-02-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to put down my Twilight Saga books - I am re-reading them a third time. And i think i am going to go on to the fourth round devoutly when i go into confinement after the embryo transfer in middle of March 2010.

Its embarrassingly enough to admit that i am having a deep crush on Edward Cullen! - i still couldn't sink the fact in that i am still capable of having infatuation at this age of mine now - and the world he lived in. It is kinda like me feeling twenties again all of a sudden. It's his face - Robert Pattinson - that i couldn't get enough of. Urgg.... so geram. I have been, literally, floating through my days-of-denial this past month living in his world dreamily. Bella and Edward's family have somehow made my recent three weeks of post miscarriage seemed lighter to bear, though there were the occasional depression and emotional coastal-roller rides. At some point i kinda of felt the need to take a silent gratitude to my own fate that it was a blessing to have found Bella and Edward at the darkest time of need.

Also, perhaps the 太陰星 and 太陽星 have finally visited my life chart in 2010. I like to believe that 太陰星 has somehow escalated my enthusiasm in creative writing - its the one passion that i have neglected for some long time - and propel my hidden and sleeping talent subconscious mind to kick start its production factory. Just a week back, on the flying trip to Hatyai, my head was spinning a synopsis of a love story - of which it suddenly crept up - and was completed by the time we touched down in KL. Amazing! I swear i couldn't even peel my eyelids to work on anything mentally in the whole 2009. I am absolutely feeling hyper since the turn on Feb 4, 2010 and my mind has been racing non-stop tapping on fresh leads on story plots and any new ideas that can sprout the publishing of a book, hopefully before the year's out. Oh, did i

mentioned i am writing some songs too? And trying my hand on penning lyrics? And all the while trying to thwart the maddening compulsion to get my hands on the original Twilight New Moon dvd - to be released in March 2010 - and the thirst for any news flash or releases on Twilight Eclipse. How crazy could one get when one is in love? When was the last time i was this crazy over someone? That crush on Keanu Reeves and Rob Lowe - when i was in my teen - didn't even come close.

Love you more, Edward. Because of you and your everything i'd desired in a man-of-my-dream, i'd managed to put behind the grudge, the bleakness and the anger i'd lashed out towards this stupid life cycle. I am all renewed - mentally and physically - again to face yet another arduous road trip of needle-pricking days and depleting huge sum off our savings for a second IVF.

Love you even more, Edward, because somehow your dream-like quality of a personality has mellowed my eagle personality - a characteristic categorization science i'd learned in my psychology counseling sessions - and awaken my dove personality - a trait i didn't know i possessed derived from the Dr Leonard Yong's personality test. No wonder i could submerge my mind into Edward's world so easily ever since the first time i laid my hand on Twilight books in December 2009. And to so easily fire up my creative intuition surrounding the mythical world of romance again - something i have buried don't-know-where in my recent years to make way for serious thrashing in a life i have called career.

Honest - check again - yeah, honestly, i do feel truly good spirited and somewhat happy after the turn on Feb 4. I am feeling ... confident too that i am going to succeed in this second IVF. Perhaps my double 太陽星 has already began to work on me. Perhaps 太陰星 is very potent for me especially in this 庚虎 - my nobleman star - year sitting on my wealth element.

Looks like my next two weeks will be filled with anxiety again. Only this time, the anxious hours would be more productively countered with book and songs writing.

Jasper, Edward and Ivanna ... mommy will be seeing you again soon.

I AM SO DAMN PISSED!!!!!

2010-02-09T06:15:00.000-08:00

Why wouldn't baby choose to be born in my family?

We have worked our asses off the last thirteen years to make ourselves financially independent. We have put desire and luxury last on our list while taking up few jobs that occupied our human time ten to twelve hours a day. We weathered through two recessions. Now we have a big house with two extra empty rooms. We have two properties to our names. Any any baby be born in this home would get to be don in Baby Guess and be chauffeured around in a real-time 4WD. Any baby be born to my home will get the finest education in life tutored by a pair of wisdom centric parents whom not only teaching the finest traits of humanity but to know how to give back to the society. This baby will get to travel to see the world before getting his or her driving license. This baby will not need to learn hardship of life, instead, he or she will fully utilize the growing years learning ways to better human life. Any baby be born to us would have names so unique that they would be the envy of their school friends. Any baby would get to listen to Chopin, Sarah Brightman and Chant of Metta while they are still inside my womb. Any baby be born in my home would get to sleep in quiet air-conditioned room furnished with his own little library stuffed with wonderful and exciting books of the world. If we perished in accident, this baby would be an overnight millionaire heir or heiress.

Why choose to go crawling through pathetic holes of others who couldn't even feed themselves three meals a day properly? Why choose to be born in family where the man of the house even need to temporary stop installing their basic life policy? But every day babies are born to families with deplorable conditions; dirty homes, playing dangerously by the roadside or hazard environment, exposed to psychotics baby snatcher, seeking government hospital treatment when ill, malnourish from poor parenting, and some horrible conditions i couldn't bring myself to even pity them.

People under such deplorable condition can bear children as easy as frying an egg sunny-side-up. What's the logic in this? What's the acceptable reasoning in this? For those who believe their gods are the so called 'creator', let me ask you one question: why does your god prefer to put babies to suffer by placing them in deplorable families? Do you like to watch their life suffer, liked their life a board game to you? Oh, so that they can learn the value of life through their growing years? Oh, so that they can learn to appreciate life more? Yeah, tell that to families of victims' of snatch theft. Don't forget to explain to members of the Mat Rempit or the mobs or the drug addicts, oh, and children abusers too.

Oh, i deserved my bad karma, you say? That i have had encouraged neutering of domestic pets and strays during my active years with PAWS and SPCA? That i have sent too many dogs and cats to the local vets for spaying, so now i am justifiably receiving my retribution? That i have messed with nature's order or pro-creation? Do i need to justify myself to morons out there who think of us that way? Yeah, i think maybe its utmost necessary to explain to these un-medically educated morons that as a matter of fact, all the dogs and cats that i have sent for spaying, have been living a more-than-wonderful-disease-free life since then. They are now as happy as equivalent to human seniors in their 70s and 80s. They don't suffer hormonal surges. They don't need to fight over carnal pleasures. They don't need to suffer carnally spread diseases. They are less at risk with reproduction cancers. They enjoy level temperament and that in turns give their owner better peace of mind. Neighbors and society are assured of no future nuisance with infestation of over-breeding stray kittens and puppies. As long as these spayed dogs and cats are constantly displaying happy gestures evidently through their vigorous flagging tail, lapping owners faces and jumping in excited yeps even in their old age, wouldn't these be sufficiently contributing to good merits? Or do our society need more strays roaming the streets, ravaging our dustbins for food and keeping us up at night with murderous dogfights during mating seasons? So i mess around with nature's order or am i contributing to society? Tell me straight to my face, if you dare come forward to justify yourself.

Every now and then, i feel no pity when i see a baby playing dangerously by a drain while his mother is busying serving customers mee rebus. Month-old baby riding in mom's arm on a motorcycle with dad in the rain? Oh, your child does not like school? Oh, that child was abducted by stranger? Excuse me, your husband's meager RM2000 salary couldn't afford revision books for your eldest child of five? I see, you didn't know folic acid is crucial to prevent spinal bifida in babies?

Who cares. You have chosen to be born in such family. Deserve it! Or blame it on your god. Oh, your perfect god has a reason for your suffering and he wouldn't tell you why? You were sold on such nonsense? Then please continue to suffer; i wouldn't want to hinder your subscription to such psychotic concept authored by the one almighty-yet-no-one-saw-him. I would be damned to hell for blasphmey? Where is hell, actually? Isn't it obvious? We are already living in hell everyday. We are all damned from day one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(panting.....) i am so pissed!

i need to grieve .........................

2010-02-09T04:58:00.000-08:00

When breasts tenderness faded completely at certain hours of day 14, i'd recognized the sign of an impending miscarriage. The urine test taken at the medical center showed negative. When doc asked about my breast sensation, i grimaced. The outlook was grim. The next twenty four hours was pure torture despite putting on the confident facet, numbing my brain with self-hypnotizing phrases taught in The Secrets.

The Sunday morning (day 16) saw blood during urination. The strong walls surrounding my self-bricked wall beginning to shatter. Tears and fear choked my throat so bad i didn't want to talk for a good half of the morning until we reached our queue standing in front of the living 天后娘娘 begging for her divine intervention. "Please", we begged, "do whatever you can. Help me. Please just help stop this impending miscarriage". That was the first time in fourteen days, i broke down in front of fifteen other devotees at the temple. My tears continued to flood my eyes while 天后娘娘 delivering her assurance that my babies were alright. Perhaps 天后娘娘's words were like a soothing cushion to my exhausted aching heart. Perhaps, 天后娘娘's words were like the last straw that i could still cling on safely. It was embarrassing for i had never cried in public. But i felt immediate relieve when others were showing sincere understanding. I could even read their eyes feeling pity for me and Dino dad while they cradled their toddlers in arms.

I was spent of emotion. The feeling of resigning was slowly creeping up. I burrowed through the remaining of the day till midnight in Twilight Breaking Dawn. Twilight series was and still are my personal brand of 'high'. Escaping into Twilight's world was and still is my only escape from the cruel reality of my karmic life.

My favorite Bella survived a miracle pregnancy and given birth to an angelic baby Renesmee with my all-time favorite Edward Cullen vampire. What did i get? I've got a miscarriage on Monday (day 17) afternoon when the toilet paper held a all-too-clear clump of fresh red tissue. I showed the discharge to Dino dad and our world crumbled down mercilessly. The rest of the day went by in a blur. Doc confirmed the miscarriage at about 9 pm - the ultrasound scan showed my endometrium has shrank from 16mm to 9mm. The fibroids remain large in sizes but they were no way near my womb - the only piece of good news.

I bled for eight days - the longest period of my whole life, second after the IUI experience last April 2009. I continued to lost myself in Twilight books - living in Bella and Edward's world. Foods were tasteless. The post-ivf-miscarriage seemed to mess up my appetite - i no longer feel hunger. I'd lost 4kg in ten days.

Dino dad gave me my quiet space. Silence seems to be the pleasure for both of us. We just lost ourselves in quiet embraces at time with not a word spoken. He hurt bad too. He has just turned 40 and still no baby in his arms. It pain him even more to see me all bloated up and writhing in pain with excessive hormone. It burned him every awakening minute he tried not to think about the already-researched knowledge of the potential in me developing cancer in my later age due to all this injected high dosage of hormonal IVF medications.

Life is so cruel to us.......

Day 17 (Feb 1) - Devastated

2010-02-08T05:43:00.000-08:00

Around 2.30pm, i discharged a lump of what looked like a mash of red flesh. I instantly understood, though not recognizing the shapes, it was my babies.

All three of my babies died.

I need to grieve...

Day 11 (January 26) - First mild breast tenderness

2010-01-26T07:03:00.000-08:00

Ultrasound showed fluid has significantly discharged from my abdominal cavity. Breathing has resume normal and toilet habit is smooth operation. But my waistline remained large at 36 in.

Doc still didn't want to start me back on progesterone jab until fluid are cleared from within me. I was quite unconvinced. I have been torturing myself whole day contemplating whether should i thicken up my skin to insist doc to give me the jab tomorrow. My anxiety is stamped from my insecurity having not able to feel any earliest signs that can indicate my babies are successfully implanted. The urine test showed negative. Doc proceeded to withdraw blood for HcG. Report to be back tomorrow and i am already started climbing the wall.

How am i going to sail through the hours the next three days???? According to schedule, simple urine test would be expected to give early indication of my babies' success in implantation - first challenge. By logic, won't i'd be showing now? I mean, i am having a triplets - doesn't this emplify things up????

On this day - Day 11 - i am only experiencing mild twitching, since noon, on the lower left abdomen, the place i believe is somewhat like the left side of my ovary. And i am only feeling a mild breast tenderness when i give my breasts light punches and squeezes. Urggg......i am dying to have more bloating now. I don't mind the breathing difficulty again. I want more pain on my breasts. I am going nuts now, lending towards turning into a sadist. Glutton for punishment seems like an attraction now.

Urgg............... i think i have got to bury myself deeper into Twilights.

Day 8 (January 23) - My bizarre waistline

2010-01-23T05:36:00.000-08:00

Today is day 8 and my babies are still looking fine. Only me feeling horrible.

Ever since back home from the embryo transfer, my tummy has been growing and today it reached 38cm. My tummy is sooooo huge and dense it made me looked liked i'm five months along.

I was admitted for albumin drip on Wednesday night because excessive fluid retention in several parts of my abdominal cavity caused me breathing difficulty. My breathing pattern was incredibly laborious. I couldn't sit for all and couldn't sleep well. The albumin helped to push excessive fluid back into the system to be channeled out naturally through urination and defecation. This shockingly expensive RM980 one-night hospitalization did elevated the stressful breathing the next two days but only to be bloating hard again on Friday night.

I was practically drinking and eating so much so much less till i felt dehydrating at some point. I wanted to drink water or soup but each few sips would bloat up my tummy till it hurt bad. I even woke up at 5am jerking to vomit - felt like morning sickness - but nothing came out. I walked around with both hands cradling my bizarrely protruding tummy. I treaded lightly with sole-on-first - liked ballet dancing around the house. And i felt like a handicap - not able to lift a hand to house chores because bending down to pick up something from the floor seems like a algebra maths work.

Today doc ran another blood check on my vitals and the result was normal. Ok, that's good but i still felt zombied around with a painful huge belly. I even shied away from public and neighbors fearing they would spot my tummy and prop the annoying question like "how many months along are you?" - a simple question but with a bizarre answer "one week".

Apart from the bizarre waistline, the messy and nasty progesterone suppository (inserted thrice daily), this afternoon till now, i actually felt more alert and agile. I feel good enough to sit up now to blog, though my round six-month-lookalike tummy bumps against the desk from time to time.

Doc warned that my condition may worsen in the coming days due to the increase of the natural progesterone manufacture by the babies placentas. Of which is a very good sign that all my babies are growing healthily in me.

Increasing natural placenta + synthetic progesterone = monstrous tummy bloating!

Ok, i've been warned. And now i need to get motivated to endure the storm coming. For now, i better go drink up Dino dad's homemade nutritious herbal chicken soup. I need all the energy to keep my mental health straight to face the pain. I can't complain and can't back out. This is what i have always wanted.

Cycle 28 @ Week 1 day 3 : Embryos Tranfer

2010-01-16T00:36:00.000-08:00

When Dino dad and i finally decided to put down all works-in-hand, it was almost 1pm. Though there were still voluminous jobs incomplete, the next task demanded our undivided attention and we needed to be hurry so that we wouldn't get trapped in the Friday prayer jam. With synchronized minds together, we reached the hospital at 1.30pm - half an hour early.

Doc did a preliminary routine checks on me and the ultrasound showed fluid clear. Good to go.

After drinking two cups of water and was instructed to hold urine until procedure, the nurse guided me to the IVF department. While i was crossing to the changing room, i caught sight of a monitor screen depicting a very typical almost-black-and-white image of three cells. Excitement spiked and i froze on my steps. The petite embryologist saw me captivated by the screen and probably decided that she could help to make my this-historic day more significant. Within the quiet lab, she spoken "These are your good embryos. The healthiest ones." Yay, i sang in my heart and my face beamed like i'd just won a hundred thousand lottery. She continued, "The one on top left is the biggest and most active - today it reaches seven cells. The two at the bottom here reached four cells and still dividing." For one instant moment my mind already pictured a bigger child...haha...silly me.

She continued to repeat what doc mentioned just now at the clinic, "It was a good sign you managed to produced as many as fifteen eggs. Most women over age 36 would be lucky if we could harvest as many as four in each hyperstimulation. But, many of your eggs were not healthy enough to survive the fertilization process. We managed to observed four good quality embryos and we have picked the best three for you today." Immediately floods of raw information started flashing through my minds; could this be the reason why i haven't been able to conceive naturally, because my eggs were simply bad eggs - bad eggs that would eventually die off through natural gene processing and flushed out through the monthly periods. I even started pointing fingers to the hypothyrodism relapse that could very well contributed directed to bad manufacturing of eggs.

Before i wanted to suggest freezing the fourth guy (my sole surviving embryo) - so i could chance upon retrieving him if this round fails - the embryologist proceeded to parrot doc's earlier words, "we wouldn't recommend freezing because it does not have as strong quality as the top three." I felt a pang of guilt to having waste this fourth guy and not giving him a chance. I wanted to dwell longer on this issue but the nurses were hurrying me to change for the procedure - doc is arriving soon.

After changing into the white bare-backside robe, i walked into the cold operating theatre and was guided to the bed. Very quickly, the nurses worked to tilt, spread my legs - so wide i could die from embarrassment - and propped strapped to the leg holders. Now i was having my vaginal on display - urgghhhhhhh......... Its not that i haven't done it before but i was on local anesthetized during the oocytes-pickup procedure - at least, i was totally knocked out and have no recollection of how they could have tasked on my lower body. But today, i am all wide awake and...damn anxious. Worst of all, the UFO-liked disc surgical lights was spotlighting into my open legs while other lights were turned off.

Doc came in and the clock showed 3.15pm. Doc signaled for starting procedure. Doc was guided by ultrasound images displayed on a huge something like a fifty-foot flat screen LCD next to my bed. My heart was thumping violently all the while anticipating the hideous tool that would jagged open my vaginal entry. But the procedure was quick. It felt like only seconds when the doc finally pulled out the jag and directed me to witness my history-in-making - the ultrasound showed doc's sured action in releasing one...two...and three tiny little white dots into an area named endometrium. I was so elated. The profound experience of witnessing three living embryos being put into that black and white pocket - which i was told its my womb - was simply ......wow! I wished Dino dad was in there too. The doc, sensing my silence, he raised his head over my leg cover and lean closer to see my face to check on my expression. He for one was beaming.

Then lights came back on. Progesterone suppository was inserted into my vaginal and i was wheeled back to the ward for two hours bed rest. Doc said images cannot be saved or emailed out of the lab. Under Dino dad's assertive persistency, doc reluctant allowed photo-taking with my Nokia E66. Surprising the images came out perfect.

At the ward, within the curtain, i finally gave in - i cried with Dino dad. Relating to him the wonderful ultrasound images and feeling the miracle of science firsthand. We hugged each other quietly, living in the moment, that we are now officially proud parents of three. It was a very very very long wait - close to two and a half years. The moment was euphoric. No words could describe my heartfelt contents at that moment.

Sleep didn't invade me. Probably overjoyed. We spent the next two hours talking softly brainstorming names. By 5.30pm, i was given the green light to go home and whamp....baby luck did manifested - we unbelievably beat the usual Friday home-rush jam and reached home through a newly discovered shortcut, of which the journey would otherwise consume one and a half hour.

I spend the rest of the whole Saturday acting like a worm - laying either on bed or the sofa curling up with Twilight Saga in my hand. Left all house chores to Dino dad - he took them all happily.

Then attended Joey Yap's talk on Sunday learning more about all-things-tiger luck.

Cycle 28 @ Week 1 day 4 : My babies as one with me

2010-01-16T00:22:00.000-08:00

Seow Jasper, Seow Edward and if there's a girl among them, she'd be named Seow Ivanna.

They're now at home with us. Protected warmly within my womb.

I think i'd better stay off the blog for the first five days, at least, after the implantation period. Though doc said i can resume life normally except tuning out activities that require excessive walking or climbing, i still want to stick to my silly if not ridiculous plan, just to lie on my back for the rest of the fours days.

I have every intention to make worth the hardwork we've put for the past twenty seven dreadful months not to mention harnessing more success rates to not make our MYR20,000 goes to waste. To many, this sum is absurdly bizarre to even think it'd cost to create babies - that it could do much more liked to support the living expenses of a family of four in Kuala Lumpur for ten months.

Cycle 28 @ day 15 (Jan 14) - Gastric attack

2010-01-14T06:46:00.000-08:00

I woke up with the small aches all over my body plus an exceptionally bloated stomach that felt painful when i lightly jab it with my fingers. Figured that i might be overly hungry and gas built-up.

I walked like a zombie on flat shoes. Liked any regular morning, Dino dad and i always stopped by the Malay store nearby our office to have morning tea. I had no appetite but forced down two slices of toast and a cup of cham. But still my stomach ached whole day making me couldn't concentrate much at work.

I zombied through the rest of the day, skipping lunch, to finish up urgent jobs in hand. By 3pm, i was beginning to put my medical instinct cap on. I thought maybe i was having a gastric attack. Being an O-type, i could have had too little meaty in my diet for the past two week and yesterday fasting had sort of full-blown it. Dino dad bought two pieces of KFC for me. Soon after that, i did felt a little better. Without thinking much, i hurried burning jobs into a DVD to take home with me as i will not be entering this office again at least for the next five to seven days. I just couldn't afford to do any climbing of three flights of stairs at every morning, every lunch and every evening. I must stay off activity so the least impact sent off from my both of my soles the better chance of survival for my three babies.

By 7pm, i reached home still feeling the same stomach pain. I suddenly became a doc and thought of 'antacid'. I summarized that owing to my low appetite ever since i started the jabs some three weeks ago, i actually took a little food that i lost 2 kg in three weeks. I was happy about it. But could this be the slowly building up of acidic environment in my stomach and only to me made full blown by the fourteen-hour fasting for the eggs-pick-up procedure? I put on a smug face to myself. To be sure i called up my doc but he was no help. He didn't answer directly to my question as first. He only acknowledged my gastric query after i furnished him with so in-depth details. Sigh....so much for being a specialist. Blah!

So Dino dad drove off to get me antacid pills and a pack of chocolate milk. While i was waiting for the pills to take effect, Dino dad was bent on thinking bird nest's alkaline can cure my overly acidic stomach.

Ok, now, its been ten minutes i finished off the three-finger-size bird-nest soup and still waiting for the comfort to come by. In the meantime, i should retire for the day now so to prepare my body with full rest ready to receive my babies into my womb tomorrow at 2pm. Though now we are officially parents, but to seal that feeling more concretely, i can't wait for the three boys to be as one with me. Its a day i have waited for twenty eight months. Sweet dreams to myself

cycle 28 @ day 14 (Jan 13) - Oocyte-Pick-Up

2010-01-14T05:23:00.000-08:00

hCG injected on me at exactly 12 midnight on Jan 11 to trigger final maturation and ovulation of my eggs.

After 34 hours, we found ourselves dragged out of bed at 6.30am to make it through to the hospital before the early morning traffic started. We reached the hospital at 7.15am - forty five minutes earlier then appointed. So i accompanied Dino dad breakfast with simple fried beehoon and eggs while i just sit and read my favorite book - The Twilight - through my half opened morning eyes. I was fasting for eight hours.

By 830am, Dino dad was led to that private room with dim lights to produce his sperms in a tube while i was led to the ward to get dressed in the open-backside-robe. It was quite chilly when i stepped foot into the little operating theatre where a warm smiling middle-aged woman in green surgery robe greeted me. Her smile sort of calmed me down a little for i haven't been in a operating theatre a long time, and no idea what to expect next.

This lady cooed me softly into position on the surgery bed and fumbled expertly with the top side of my left palm. I instinctively knew that she needed to insert an IV. Do i need that, i thought quietly, careful not to bring my inquisitive personality into this room. Trying to be smarty wouldn't help me relaxed, i told myself. Then she said "Can call the boss in already."

I turned to look at my left side and observed my embryologist was preparing something on the other side of the mirrored room and the next thing i'd awared of was me waking up in a bed on the ward floor. Huh? What'd happened? So fast? I didn't even remember loosing consciousness.

When i woke, a nurse was busying herself by my side. In my half drifty consciousness, i immediately remembered to remind the doc i want boys for my babies. I didn't get to say it in the operating theatre. The nurse assured me she will relay the message to my doc and then i lost consciousness again.

The air-conditioning was so cold it made me shivered down to my bone. I felt my right arm being squeezed tightly and i opened my foggy eyes to see a BP machine being attached to me. It released pressure to check on my BP at half an hour interval. Then i started to realize my lower abdominal was cramping. It brought back memory in a flash of how i'd felt the time after my first abortion some thirteen years ago. Ohhh....uncomfortable - the cramping, the overly cold air-conditioning, and strapped with a pad!

In foggy brain, i informed the nurse of my condition and asked for a cup of hot water. She returned with a warm water instead! With my low tolerance to pain, my temper was rising. I politely insisted for hot water. Yay! she made it back correct the second time but, later i found out she did not lower the air-conditioning. I sipped hot water so fast it kinda burnt my tongue a little. Fortunately i was too numb to feel the pain. I held on to the mug to warm my hands and drifted back to sleep.

Sleep for the next hours was fitful. Tossing around - pain on my left hand with the IV still intact with no medicine attached and the BP strapped to my right arm while my body continues to shiver. How can this happen? Someone must get me answers. I flagged down a nurse and again told her that i am still very cold. "Is this a normal post op?", i asked. She replied "No." I puzzled. Then i asked for another hot drink and to have my IV be taken off with heavy frowning set on my forehead and my long hairs dropping everywhere. Now to think of myself at that moment i could have looked like a vampire in rage...hoho.

The nurse returned my a hot milo instead. Hmm, better. Again, i sipped too quickly and it burned other parts of my tongue. Sigh...still cold. But feeling a little warmer. Thinking i was good to go home, i dialed for Dino dad to pick me up. When i sat up on the bed, boy, the room was spinning. I had to pee and i couldn't see clear. The nurse offered to bring me a pee-pan. Eww! pee on bed, no way. I'd rather walked and knocked my face on the wall then to lie back and pee in front of the nurse. As obstinate as i was told since young, i slowly got up off the bed, disrobed the surgery clothing, pulled on my T-shirt and shit....the stupid pad has a death-knot. While waiting for the nurse to bring a scissor, i fumbled with the knot and stood exposed my naked lower body in front of the other nurse standing nearby to assist. How embarrassing now having to think back.

Stubbornly i pulled on my jeans. The nurse brought a wheelchair and wheeled me to the bathroom. I stumbled to the door stupidly while my head continued to spin. The i was wheeled back to my bed and Dino dad arrived. He was shocked to learn of my complication and he was already up onto the second floor by my side in just a few seconds. I told him my conditions and he immediately understood. He'd relayed the message to the nurses and this time, the air-conditioner really did switched off. Huh! i knew it. They didn't take me seriously the first time. Thanks for my half-functioning brain, otherwise they would have gotten a nice rap from me. Don't blame me, the doc sure did not pre-amp of this possible post-op symptoms. They didn't even acknowledge my symptoms as if mine was the first in their list of cases. Apparently, the doc had missed that procedure. He didn't even advised me to abstain from sex! - with me so horny from all the FSH jabs! We could have had sex the night before and reduced the chances of good volume. Bizarre!

Next, out of no where, my favorite petite embryologist appeared by my side. She instructed to take some reading to check if i had a temperature. It was tough catch - because i just had two cups of hot drink. So my embryologist assured me that she would try to pick 'boy' sperms for us but no guarantee that there wouldn't be a 'girl' sperm that strong enough to pass off to reach my eggs. I told her its fine if i should get a girl among the three babies. She congratulated me for producing a strong fifteen band of oocytes. And Dino dad's sperms were healthy to be utilized up to 90%. Again, i grimace - why couldn't we just conceive naturally?

When the cold subsided to a tolerable level, i was able to communicate with my embryologist better. She said the lower abdominal cramping was normal and some would experience it up to three days, with some lasting to two weeks. Bizarre! She shoved a pack of progesterone tablets and instructed to insert twos every night and twos every morning till i am to be due back for embryo transfer on Friday Jan 15, 2pm. The progesterone will work to form a conducive environment for my babies prior to have them transferred back into my womb two days later.

I was wheeled down to the parking lot and Dino dad drove me home straight only stopping by a petrol station to get me two 100-plus. I felt liked i was extremely dehydrated. The dizziness did not stop. The cold did returned. With brain half-conscious, i dashed for an amazingly fast 2-minute hot shower, gulped down a strip of gardenia rosemary flavor bread - just to fill my fortheen-hour empty stomach - washed the bread down with 100-plus then coiled up beneath my comforter to drift off into a restful sleep. Nothing beats the comfort of home-sweet-home.

It was about 4.30pm when i woke up after a two hour rest. Aduii......my whole body feeling just not right - muscle aching all over and my lower abdominal continued to cramp. Feeling lethargic but not sleepy, i coiled up in my TV sofa to read on Twilight. Dino dad returned home about 6pm and my condition hasn't got better. Having to subject him to stress seeing me in pain and nothing he could do about, he was so tired, he dozed off after shower right after dinner at 8.30pm. Poor him.

The rest of the evening was spent in a vaguely mood. I continued to suffer in silence, the self-inflicted pain to so wanna be a mom; the constant mild cramping of my lower abdomen, the nasty progesterone oozing stickiness on my panty-liner, the on-off feverish symptoms of chill and sweat, muscle aching and the unexplained stomach congestion that made breathing laborious.

In my quiet between pages, i couldn't help wandering my mind to the lab in the hospital imagining my babies were growing in the small incubating lab plates or whatever it is called. Have they turned four-cells yet? Smiling, i drifted off to fitful sleep again with the chilling and sweating symptoms.

cycle 28 @ day 12 - HcG day!

2010-01-11T05:26:00.000-08:00

Just came back from the hospital 40 minutes ago with fantastic news - i am growing eggs liked a fat hen. The vaginal scan showed my right ovaries is carrying almost all perfect eight 18mm eggs with two already reached 20mm and 21mm each. The left ovaries has less but five almost perfect sizes with 2 large ones at 21mm and 22mm. Boy! if that does not declare me as a fertile woman, then what is?

Seemed liked the eggs are growing faster than expected - two days ago the scan showed them at less than 15mm. Next stage is hatching induction for thirty hours. I am to report back to the hospital on Jan 13, 9am, for egg retrieval and Dino dad would be needed to produce fresh sperms into tub in a snazzy private room decorated with posters of blonde nudes and some assorted X-rated videos....hehehe.

Looks like everything going smooth in favor to us. Let's do a checklist:

1. That hated illegal bridge construction directly right in front of my house has finally, thanks to all gods of this world, completed on 26 December 2009. I have always blamed it for causing me failed pregnancy all these three years.

2. I have chose a great day to renovate my front porch in hope to renew the lousy chi that has plagued my house since the construction started four years ago. The renovation work has somehow surged an increase of new jobs for our company - a great start 2010 indeed!!!

3. Pepsi has fully recovered from her skin disease and she is now as happy as a puppy despite her eleven years of age.

4. I have found Twilight series and they have afloat me in dream-liked state since Christmas. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan have some how keep my waking hours occupied and made the daily morning and night jabs tolerable. And i am still crazy over them. Darn! can't wait for the release of New Moon DVD.

5. All physical signs are at accurate timing - hypothyroid under controlled, breast tenderness increased, consistent mucous discharge and getting very horny all before ovulation! Previous months timing were all wrong.

6. Our master bedroom will have the illness start be replaced with a white wealth star on Feb 4, 2010.

7. And i am growing eggs in water month (my output) and to be continued into mao (tiger) month - a wood month which is also my most important useful god.

8. Exam just over on Jan 9. Group project just handed in. Personal report passed up.

9. The new tenant of my condo has started into their second months rental with RM50 increase monthly, yahoo! And they are helping me to service my refinanced loan with excess for me to finance my tuition fee. Fantastic!

10. Best of all, our bank account has just received MYR128,000 cash today. Yeepee!!!! our hard earned effort and perseverance of eleven years paid off. Tomorrow night, we are going sushi buffet to celebrate - its my last sushi till i eat again in three years - and to do some serious shopping for our wardrobe and face-care.

(Long exhale.....hah..........) Finally. We will be parents in thirty hours. What's the time now? 10pm? Got to go back to the hospital in by midnight for the final HcG jab shortly.

Twilight Saga

2010-01-05T08:57:00.000-08:00

I am at shock with myself. Saw the first Twilight movie on StarMovie on somewhere middle of Dec 2009 and now i am acting like a teenager going absolutely ga-ga over this novel-turn-movie series.

Bought all 4 books Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and finished off New Moon 600-odds pages in 3 days. Spent the whole end of Dec 2009 hiding at my favorite reading corner at the house pouring into these pages like an unexplainable romantic teenager relive.

Now i am on a ferocious hunt for the movie New Moon. I can't even concentrate work not thinking about the handsome Edward Cullen. My mind even replay some romantic scenes read from the books while i drive.

As crazy as i sound but i am not shy. Surfing the nets for downloading collections of The Twilight casts like i was at 15. I have got to check on myself where did this sudden influx of adrenalin for teenage romance came from when i am done and through with this fever later.

Unbelievable at myself - madness.

cycle 28 @ day 5 - Dino dad's birthday

2010-01-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

As any other morning Dino dad'd prepare the syringe on the bed fully dressed in office wear while i'd still be naked ransacking the wardrobe right after shower. He usually sits on the bed while i stand for him to administer the injection onto my belly area at his eye level.

This morning, Dino dad got naughty. His mouth grabbed my right nipple suddenly after administering the drug. Well, its not that its something for me to pretend shy, its just that he came too suddenly that jolted the regular morning zombie mood which i have been adopting ever since i started school at age seven. And that nipple-sucking act aroused the heat raging from below my pelvic area - especially when i am going through intensive egg-brooding therapy. But pity, the urgency of Monday morning did not allow the luxury to rip our clothes off and hit right on for a morning romp like we were 25.

Now thinking back, i should have just insisted on that. It was his 40th birthday.

All but not late. Compensated with long and steamy episodes right after dinner

cycle 28 @ day 3 - Started nightly FSH injections

2010-01-05T08:14:00.000-08:00

Finally. The period came on Dec 31 late evening - 5 days late - and i thought its not gonna come due me going into a menopause stage. Phew!

Ok, it seems i am getting jab not only every morning, i am getting poked nightly at the medical center too. Ouw!!!! the night jabs hurts. Syringe is huge!!

I supposedly to see doc on day 2 but it fell on Jan 1, 2010. So went to see doc on Jan 2 (day-3) at 10am and took my blood for hormone assay. The female doc was terrible at her job - poking a huge syringe into my arm searching for vein - unbelievable!! Suffered me.....

Then i was back to the center at 7.30pm same day for my first FSH inject by a nurse and it was hell! My buttock hurt bad. Bloody nurse.

Arrrgggg..... its only the first FSH. And i have 14 nights to go!

Unexplained Infertility

2009-12-20T01:31:00.000-08:00

Ok. Here's the news. www.fertilityfactor.com said 10-20% of couples experience infertility problems will have the syndrome of 'unexplained infertility'. Its already considered small as a percentage as compared to the domineering 80% of women who CAN conceive naturally. But bear in mind the problems like endometriosis, failure of ovulation, tubal damage, cysts, fibroids, azoospermia, hormonal imbalance, PCOS have taken up nearly half of the 20%. The remaining half encompasses the dreaded 'unexplained infertility'.... like my case.

After numerous test and few thousand MYR and one failed IUI, the reports declared that:

my ovaries - everything in them are normal
my uterus - initial scan detected 5-6 fibroids but the sizes warranted dr to say 'leave them alone. Too small to be a concern.' Latest vaginal sonograms showed only 2 fibroids. Other than the fibroids, no sign of endometriosis.
Dino dad's sperm - above average. More than enough to fertilize just one egg.
Hormones essay - normal except for hypothyroid relapsed but very quickly re-balanced through intake of thyroxine.
my fallopian tubes - though felt like semi-blocked during the hysterosalpingoram but won't one egg chance getting through in 27 months?

Its karma having to fall into this bracket of people. Even malnourished African and Indian women or the aborigines are giving birth like pigs and their kids grow up healthy to marry the other half to continue the breeding cycle.

Ai.......

Cycle 28 @ day 24 - GnRH injection

2009-12-19T23:37:00.000-08:00

I had my 4th morning jab of GnRH same time between 9-10am this morning. Dino dad is getting very accustomed to the administration:

retrieving the drug from the fridge
unsealed the syringe
press out the air from the syrine
poke syringe into the rubberized cap for drug tab
draw 200ml of drug
sanitize my tummy with sterilized cotton buds
and jab and sanitize again

As far as i've researched, GnRH (the gonadotropin releasing hormone is a hormone-based supplement responsibles for the release of 'more' FSH (follicle stimuating hormone) and LH (luteinizing hormone) by stimulating my pituitary gland which is located beneath my back brain). All women who can birth children the natural way apparently have very healthy natural production of GnRH.

Now only i understood that my pituitary gland is so fundamental that it releases various hormones that manage my:

growth
blood pressure
breast milk production
sex organ functions in men and women
thyroid gland function (oh oh oh...it could link to my hypothyroidism relapse)
converting food to energy (hmm, that's why i always felt bloated)
water balance in my body (i'm a regular victim of water-retention...oh my)

I could be lacking in the natural GnRH and that could explain my relapse of hypothyroid. Oh my, i am becoming doctor. Oh well, no harm playing dr. My dr is not a PR-man. Long gone i'd hoped for a doc like George Clooney in E or Dr House. Doesn't matter now. My hair is wet. Got to stick to my belief that GnRH has proven the results in multiple pregnancies and that's what i am attracting.

However, i have been given the long protocol presciption. It means the COH (controlled ovarian hyperstimulation) for younger women...heh heh heh...i am in the younger women group, For now up till menstruation day 2, i am on GnRH agonist daily morning DIY injection. It works just the opposite of the natural GnRH - to stop the LH hormone because early secretion of LH by my pituitary gland could disturb the growth quality of my eggs. In another word, it means to 'stop ovulation liked be in a menopause'. How marvelous is science! They can adverse natural cycle. and found ways to help the process of growing better quality eggs. Even though the COH has been around for more than 10 years, i can safely bet less than 1% of common layman knew of its existence.

Now i am gonna braced myself for some old lady side effect such as hot flashes, if they would come at all. Never mind. Bring it on! I am ready mentally to receive side effects, in return for a pair of health twins tigers. Yeah! that's my law of attraction in practice now.

cycle 28 @ day 21 (Dec 17, 09) - IVF begins

2009-12-17T09:27:00.000-08:00

Reached the medical center at about 10am. It was quite a breezy cruise. Traffic was light. Felt peaceful and light-hearted throughout the journey. Probably its the underlying feeling of assurance that we are now concretely taking step one to make ourselves some babies. Probably its the knowing that we will be put under the care of some IVF specialists who will be working hard to help us realize our burning desire to be parents. No more waiting. Time for solid action.

The attendance and nurses were extra friendly this morning. Was it me or them? Anyway, the courtesy was shortly lived. I was unhappy to know that my dr was to be engaged in his lengthy regular Thursday meeting. So i'd asserted myself clearly for i am quite a demanding patient. A sonographer was placed in to conduct a thorough recce of my uterus and ovaries through vaginal scan. It was a good thing my dr was engaged. This young sonographer had demonstrated her earnest practice on me through careful probing and reading of my condition. She was very thorough. I'd loved it.

To my surprised, she announced non-cyst existence in both my uterus and ovaries. The fibroids had reduced to two from three last scanned on Dec 7. Probably great thanks to the bitter chinese herbs.

When the scanning was satisfactory, we were then referred to the embryologist, a petite young chinese girl with height, i think, less than 4ft 9. She was a gem. As we have been known to carry the iconic title of "the interrogative couple" known to the staffs, we blasted off loads of questions to the embryologist. But, she wasn't daunted even a bit. She had us under her belt.

With fluid presentation liked as she'd done more than 50 cases a year, she demonstrated the way that i would to inject myself everyday at home. Dino dad caught up with the procedure without breaking a sweat and proceeded to administer my first GnRH jab himself at my spare-tyre under the embryologist's trained eyes.

Today is the first day of the COH (controlled ovarian hyperstimulation) procedure. I was given a huge thermal bag containing a 12" x 12" block of ice + 10 insulin-size syringes + 1 tiny bottle of GnRH (gonadotropin releasing hormone) + 1 tube full of disinfectant cotton buds. As the GnRh needed to be chilled at all time, the thermal bag would serve me well if traveling was planned. Hmm... how thoughtful.

The GnRH's functions to suppress my LH (lutenizing hormone) because immature elevated LH levels will cause adverse effects on the quality of my eggs and in turn can affect my pregnancy rate. I definitely wouldn't want that so bad that i can call my mind to bear the laborious daily self-injection regime for the next nine or ten days. No problem. The needle prick just felt like the bite of a mosquito. I have endured worse.

Bite down. Relax. And get jabbed.

Joey Yap Talks About Haunted House

2009-12-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

Joey Yap's FaceBook : Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 12:16am

Joey says : Thanks for the feedback on my previous post. There are many so called haunted houses around. And there are many Feng Shui theories that could possibly explain why a house is "haunted". Ghosts, from the Classical Feng Shui standpoint, could be a type of Qi in the home. This Qi is perceived/felt/conceived differently by ...different people. Hence, some people may 'see' it while some people don't.
A house may not need to be completely yin to be 'haunted' if that's what you like to call it. As we are talking about a form of energy or Qi - ANY house with imbalanced, negative Qi flow could cause this phenomenon. Especially when this negative Qi impacts and reacts specifically to certain BaZis.

Theoretically then if the Feng Shui is changed, the hauntings should also disappear. Well - we normally don't have any complaints of hauntings from people who live in good Feng Shui houses. In good Feng Shui houses, at most some of the residents would talk about are visits from Angels, deities or happy spirits. Well again - this is could be how they perceive the positive Qi in their home.

Now I'm not saying that ghosts and spirits don't exist. I've heard enough stories that tell me that they do. And I believe they do. I've heard and seen houses where people have suffered a violent death and their souls continue to haunt the house. But let's ask ourselves here - why would there be a violent death in the first place? Surely the place MUST have really bad Feng Shui before such an incident like this could have happened.

So how do we know that a house could be haunted (through understanding its Feng Shui)? You need two things:
1. You need to be very familiar with the classical texts.
2. You need common sense

For instance, from 玄空秘旨 :

巽宮水路纏乾，為懸樑之犯。
兌位明堂破震，主吐血之災。

Very loosely translated as:

4-6 (Xun Water entangling Qian) Committing Suicide by Hanging
7-3 (Dui Palace with Zhen broken Bright Hall) Disaster leading to Vomiting of Blood
(the actual meaning of thees verses is much more deeper but that, perhaps, we'll leave for another post)
So in general, when we see a 4-6 combination with extreme negative landforms - AND this is an old, old house - we can deduce that someone could have hanged him/herself in that room. And since it is an old house with extremely yin and negative forms - (we could deduce that) it could be haunted with a ghost of the man/woman who died there.

Well, it helps if you know a little face reading as well. A person who is troubled emotionally and spiritually would have 'black qi spots' surrounding his chin, jawbone and mouth area. And his pupils would look dull and lifeless.

How to be rich?

2009-12-02T08:15:00.000-08:00

Colin Powell once said :

1. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.

2. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.

3. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.

4. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision, or choke your dream.

5.Never receive counsel from unproductive people.

6. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.

7. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.

8. Don't follow anyonewho's not going anywhere...

9. With some people you spend an evening...with others you invest it.

10. Be carefulwhere you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.

11. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl...But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.

12. Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them.

6 Reasons Why You Failed In Your Business

2009-12-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

Joey Yap's FaceBook : Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 12:16am

Man born on 30th October 1975 23.37pm – In summary his email was basically asking about why he failed in his business. My answers below:

1. You lack focus in your work.

You do not have priority in your management of your business. This is a typical problem caused by the double Bing Fire Resource stars flanking the Day Master. One Resource Star will not cause this problem. But 2 flanking your Day Master, this could distort your ability to keep focused.

2. You involved partners who do not share your vision. Nor do they understand your business model.

We can see this from the effect of the Rob Wealth star inside the month branch, which is participating in a ‘combination’ as well as a ‘harm’ with its neighbors. A Rob Wealth star in business – can represent your business partners (or shareholders). You have a Rabbit and Rooster clash separated by the Dog (RW star in the Month branch). Yet these two “clashing” branches are participating in a “combo” and “harm” relationship with your Rob Wealth Star in the Month Branch. Simply put - this indicates your business partners do not share your vision.

3. Lemme guess – you’ve invested too much in overheads such as office space, inventory, equipment etc …without having a proper plan. Oh wait – don’t tell me you don’t even have a proper cash flow plan!

Your BaZi chart shows a ‘destruction’ between Zi (Wealth Star) and You (Eating God). And … the Wealth Star (Zi) is penetrated to the current Luck Pillar’s Stem – where at the same time it seeks to control the 2 Direct Resource stars (which is its wealth star) in your BaZi Chart. This usually indicates reckless, impulsive spending. Your Wealth Star also is in harm relationship with the current LP.

4. You are unrealistic. Actually, worst, – you are unaware or insensitive to market needs. You are probably doing the things you WANT to do, instead of what your market WANTS from you.

This is indicated by your Year Pillar (which represents your market in Business) which is in a “heaven and earth clash” with your day pillar. But notice that your Day Branch is clashing out, while the Heavenly Stem of the Year is clashing inwards. This is an indication where you are doing what you want, rather than what the market wants.

5. You believe that ‘networking’ and ‘connection’ is what will bring you business success. Whereas you should have focused on VALUE creation.

This is indicated by the fact that you have 2 Bing Fire Resource Stars flanking your chart - and both of these Bing fire are untimely and ‘dark’ in this hour of birth. With this formation – you are prone to just “looking good” but going “nowhere.” Hence you spend a lot of time merely doing networking and connecting – because it’s easy. (Networking and Connecting are basic tenets of a Companion Structure with protruding Resource Stars). Resource star likes to do ‘easy’ things, and things that ‘look good’.

Value, which is represented by the “Wealth” star in your chart, is unfortunately located at the tail end (hour) of your chart and it is in a destruction relationship with your Rooster (Eating God). Eating God represents your method, your way or your style of conducting business. While we like “Eating God to produce Wealth” (which gives you your desire to start and run your own business) … unfortunately this Eating God is in a “Destruction” relationship with the Wealth Star AND while it is harmed by the Dog (Rob Wealth Star) next to it. Together, this indicates that you put VALUE creation as last priority.

6. You do everything by yourself and trust no one. You lack the ability to leverage on your resources.

This is due to the fact that this chart is unable to use the 7 Killings stars effectively while the Resource stars are acting as negative stars. This is translated to problems with delegating work to others. Plus, notice that you are the ONLY Ji Earth in your chart with no other Friend star to help you out.

Solution? – Simple – undo or fix all the 6 things above and you WILL stand a better chance in succeeding in business.

Although your chart indicates obstacles, it does NOT mean you cannot do anything about it. To fix or not to fix is a CHOICE. Now that you know WHERE your problem lies and WHAT caused you to fail, then the obvious solution is for you to TAKE ACTION to change / rectify them. It’s all up to your will power and determination to alter your destiny despite the odds.
If you could not do this, then perhaps – you’d fair better working for others for now at least until 47. This is an alternative route.

Sorry I’ve only got time for 6 points for tonight. It’s been a long day and I’m sleepy now, gotta go to bed. Tomorrow I have another full day at work. Perhaps other members of this list can chip in their thoughts and suggestions for you too.

All the best,
JY ☺

Joey Yap : How Fast Can We See Results?

2009-12-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

Joey Yap's FaceBook : Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 12:16am

This is a common question many people ask when you give them a Feng Shui solution. My answer would be - “Well, it depends on how fast is YOUR fast.”

The answer, according to the classical texts is – within a couple of hours! This is what is recorded in the old books about Yang Yun Song's (the Great Grandmaster of Feng Shui) ability.

Can we replicate the same kind of results today? Yes and No.

Yes – if you’ve met the criteria of Heaven-Earth-Man for your Feng Shui set-up.

No – if you haven’t met the criteria.

‘No’ here doesn't mean you don’t get results. It just means you don't get the ‘instant’ results you expect or you don’t get the exact desired result. But if you apply the Feng Shui correctly, you will get some results. (And if you apply incorrectly, a bad result is still a result:-) )

So what does Heaven-Earth-Man mean here? It basically means this: understanding the Feng Shui of the property (the ‘Earth’ component of the equation), taking into consideration the Person (the ‘Man’ component) and choosing the right Time (the ‘Heaven’ component) to activate your set-up. Easy.

But then, you ask, if it’s so easy, why can’t we get instant results all the time?
Because, just like anything easy in life… it’s always easier said than done.

Let me give you an idea of what it is you actually need to do in order to get those instant results:

1. The Landform

You need to assess the “type” of landform in the surrounding area correctly, using the correct method. The ‘correct method’ here means – firstly – you must know how to recognize what type of Water Formation, Mountain Formation, and Land Formation that exists in the area, and subsequently, use the appropriate formula/ Feng Shui system to qualify/assess it.

For instance – is this a White Tiger Opening Mouth Formation, or is this a Reversal Dragon Facing It’s Ancestors Formation? Is it a Green Dragon Crossing the Bright Hall Formation or is this a Lotus Formation? You need to know how to recognize this. Or at minimum, know how to recognize the basic 9 Stars Mountain and Water forms in the vicinity of your property– meaning you can see the location of the Greedy Wolf Star, the Huge Door Star, etc. You also need to recognize where the natural Qi mouth is located. You also need to consider the orientation of the land and the Qi flow direction.

If you can’t identify this, your Feng Shui will sometimes work, or sometimes not work at all. Doesn’t matter what SCHOOL of Feng Shui you’re using – San He, San Yuan, Xuan Kong, or the zillion years of experience you may have. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been practicing Feng Shui from the womb. This is a BASIC requirement. You MUST understand your environment in order to tap into its natural Qi. Without knowing the natural forms, you are guessing, at best, what Qi exist in your property. If you don't know what's there, how are you going to tap the Qi?

The environment governs the magnitude of your end results. The better your natural forms, the better your results.

Naturally, it becomes trickier when you are applying this in the city. It’s not ‘harder’ to do in the city. It’s just a little confusing to the beginner. The landforms are still recognizable despite the many buildings and roads. One needs to train oneself to be able to see this. For the beginners, this is what they tend to ‘miss.’

2. House / Property

You need to know how to connect the Landform to the property via the most appropriate formula or method. You need to know which is the best method to use for that particular house or property within that particular Landform (that you've identified). Do you use Xuan Kong Da Gua, San He, Flying Stars or do you simply use Eight Mansions? Which tool works best for your set-up?

There is no right or wrong method. There is also no ONE SYSTEM that rules them all. Any practitioner who claims he has THE method that rules them all is a complete idiot. Completely ignorant. If you come across one, slap him (or her). There are so many systems of Classical Feng Shui. Each with their own strength and weaknesses. Some formulas work faster, while some are steadier but slower. Some are long term based, while some produce instant results based on your available setup.

Keep in mind that there is only the method that works best for THAT immediate set-up based on the landform you have. A wise practitioner will choose his or her method of assessment wisely. You do need to be able to make an accurate judgment call, based on the facts and information gained from your observations. So while there’s no one magic formula to solve all problems, fumbling around in the dark will also not be very effective either. Combining judgment and knowledge… this is the key to the vault.

3. The Human Factor

It’s obvious that different formulas/methods have different approaches to calculating the Person’s Gua or element. Which will you use? That’s something else you need to take into consideration.

4.Time

Now that you've studied the environment (natural land formation), the house/property and the person - it's time to select the TIME where you connect all these factors and activate the Qi. This is the Heaven factor in the equation. Each day and hour - we have different daily and hourly stars. Each affecting the home, people and land formation differently.

5. End Result

What is it that you want to achieve? What are the specific results you want? If you don’t know what you want, how will you know your Feng Shui is working? How do you measure the results? (This is the most subjective part of Feng Shui. Because ‘wealth luck’ for instance, is so general and it means different things to different people).

Can all of the above be done? Sure. I’ve done it many, many, many times. Many of my students have also done it many, many, many times. But I cannot say we can do this EACH AND EVERY single time.

I do it for myself as often as possible to help me achieve my goals. Even then I humbly say – I cannot “create” positive results ALL the time. I can get it MOST of the time... but sometimes I get some side effects too. (I will tell you more on this in my next post. Haha …many funny stories.)

This is because there are so many variables to consider. Some results may not be instant because not all the desired components are ALWAYS present. And our goals change from time to time.

For instance, in the Feng Shui set-up – the required natural Mountain or Water Form is missing or simply unavailable. This means the end result that you desire may not be achievable simply because there is no environmental ingredient you can tap into. So here, you need to change your desired end result you wanna achieve. Or maybe, it’s just a matter of not being able to get ‘exactly’ what you want to get. But Feng Shui still works. It just doesn’t work the WAY you intend it to work. (Let’s face it: even YOU don’t work the way you always want yourself to work!)

So let’s say that you have the right Feng Shui set-up. But the timing is not right at that point. The desired date is a month from now. Then – you simply don’t get instant results. You get a one-month-from-now result.

And at other times, it could be that your client just screws it up. I get this sometimes. When you tell them to effect the change (activate the FS set-up) at 12.25 PM, they will do it at 1.25 PM instead or they simply, somehow, miss the time. Or even activate a different sector. Then they blame you for not making it clear despite the fact that you have written it CLEARLY in your email or fax.

Yeah. Shit happens. What can I say? Maybe it’s karma. Maybe it’s heaven’s will. Or maybe, they are just dumb. Who knows.

So … CAN we guarantee results? Sure thing.

But can you guarantee that you do exactly as we say? Can you guarantee that the desired environmental forms are definitely present?

If so, then no prob. Feng Shui always works – 100%.

What if you don't have the required environmental forms? Then what? Then the Feng Shui's effectiveness would drop. Not that it doesn't work at all. Any components that are missing in the equation above decreases the effectiveness of your Feng Shui or the speed in which you will obtain your results.

2010 Bad Feng Shui Sectors

2009-12-02T07:23:00.000-08:00

Mastery Academy published today:

Star 5 Yellow will fly into Southwest sector and that means no renovation (or activate) for SW sector of house or office throughout 2010. If the Southwest room needs some fixing, drilling, or hammering, got to do it before Feb the 4th.
SW is my main door and my master bedroom.....aiiiiiii

Properties that SIT on the 5 Yellow (meaning, facing Northeast) next year have the extra disadvantage of not being able to perform renovations to the ENTIRE property. This is because the 'Sitting' governs the entire body of the property, hence when a property 'sits' on one particular Star/Qi, the entire property will be affected.

Luckily, my house sits on NE

Additionally, the Illness Star 2 Black in the Northeast sector is especially potent in 2010. Instead of the usual cough-cold-fever, ill-health can escalate to growth, paralysis, and even cancer. Hence, try to avoid activating the Northeast sector, or move INTO a Northeast room after Feb 4th 2010.

Here's a TIP: If you are ALREADY in the Northeast room now, try to position your bed in the East small Tai Ji - the annual 6 White is a Metal Star that can weaken the effects of the 2 Black.
Not enough? Okay, here's a trade secret: Using auspicious METAL dates can severely diminish the powers of the #5 and #2 Earth Stars!

Of course, there are exceptions to the general rules. Houses facing Southwest 1 or Northeast 2 have a good chance at wealth prospects, especially when the property market is concerned.Hey, my house sits on SW1. What does ''property market' mean? Sell the house for good price?

The 3 Killings in the North should not be activated by renovation. Keep still and you should be fine. Otherwise you might risk encountering accidents, robbery, or health complications - add in the annual Star 4, there might even be Peach Blossom scandals and illnesses.

The Grand Duke at Northeast 3

Year Breaker at Southwest 3 should not be 'disturbed'.

Cycle 27 @ day 6 - Began TCM treatment

2009-12-02T06:12:00.000-08:00

Consulted a Chinese professor, from China, at Tung Shin Hospital today. Disclosed all my TSH blood tests (collected over two years) results to doc. Also talked about my intention for IVF and shared Dino dad's sperm test result with doc too.

Only 2 minutes into the consultation - so short a period that i could even feel the chair's cold leather on my butts - doc has reached his initial diagnosis - "I am the problem! (y' know, not able conceive thingy). Whoa! fast leh.

That's the amazing factor of seeing TCM. These China-docs have never failed to amaze me.

Well, thanks to the year's massive yang-earth burying poor xin-metal me, my temperament has been in retarded mode throughout the year. Perhaps, i am in desperation for whatever treatment measures that doc can give me to tune my body mechanism back to top performance? Whatever. I am definitely positioned in the receptive mode, willing to take in all that i can get to assist my goal.

He has prescribed 'tiao li' - redressing of woman's vital hormones and chi. My mouth opened to a big O when the prescription desk fella handed me a huge bag of herbs prescribed for 7-day course, and i believed it weighed more than a kilo. Surprisingly, it only cost RM70 + RM25 consultation fee.

Dino dad spent a good two hours brewing the herb tea. The brewing instruction takes up two third of an A4. Actually, the brewing process is not that tedious but it required attentive monitoring of duration as not to overcook it, otherwise, effort unjustified. Hassle? I can say it over and over again. That's the thingy with TCM. The brewing process factors young adults from picking interest in seeking TCM treatment. Well, Tung Shin realized this and they do provide brewing service on behalf and it only additional RM14. But i couldn't afford spending another 2 hours waiting in this hospital, excuse moa, its a working day!

I have always hated the raw taste of herbs. Bitterness is the last thing i would choose to swallow if there's a choice. Fortunately, i have excellent concentration power. Like a good girl who would get her first car for her 18th birthday, i finished up 2 soup-bowl of dark liquid. No complain. No choking. No convulsion like before. I attribute this first successful consumption of damn bitterness to the sign of good omen. Yeah! another solid step closer to my ultimate target.

Thyroxine @ 100mg a day + strong daily TCM, i feel....no, wait,....i actually quite sure i can resume my best of health within a month, just in time to face head on with the dreadful daily injections as outlined in the IVF process.

Yes, i can do it. I am going to have a fantastic 2010 Chinese New Year sharing with family and friends my would-be ultrasound images of my twin babies.

Cycle 27 @ day 5 - Hypothyroid relapsed

2009-12-01T06:01:00.000-08:00

The TSH blood test report came in today. Bad news - hypothyroid relapsed @ 5.82 (exceeded the max of 5.50)

No wonder breathing seemed tight and laboring yesterday whole day. Rationally, this report explained the unfruitful ttc past few cycles. Irrationally, i am tempted to cry "why!!! 天后娘娘, you are supposed to help me bent towards miracle?"

hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiii..................

Cycle 27 @ day 4 - Be Strong!

2009-11-30T05:26:00.000-08:00

Ok fine. Period flushed on Nov 27. Yeah disappointed but not thhaaat much anymore. Kinda numb to this replay.

Next, IVF it is. Got to take action in own hands since no help from divinity. I believe our past karma is too strong even for divine intervention. Perhaps Buddha's teaching hold true - that no one can change one's fate other than oneself. Obviously our past lives sins indicated the involvement of money. To torture myself more, i am beginning to paint the picture of a scene in one of our past lives whereby we, as a damn selfish couple of a wealthy family, had chose not to extend financial assistance to help a sickly lower caste child to get medicinal treatment which resulted the child eventually died of the illness.

Good imagination leh. If not, how else to explain that why we have to strive triple hard and tripled spending in almost every goals in life when others might just easily achieve the same thing at just one go? Blame it on past karma. Sigh......

Spend RM12,000, spend la, what to do? Its must be karma. Need to settle the past $$ debt. Otherwise, we are out of our wits trying to fathom what the hell is wrong with our body??? Report clearly showed sperm count is averagely good. Though 2 millions is the benchmark deemed medically excellent, but hey, even drug addicts or drunkards can father a child as easy as chewing on nuts. What more, i only need ONE to make a baby. Is it too much to ask??

Indonesian domestic maid with imbalance nutrient feeds during their growing years can bear children like pigs. Many even labored 10 hours in constructions work or as cleaning maids and able to carried pregnancy smoothly to full nine months!! Me? I am just having a few fibroids which sizes dr said are too small to be of concern. A friend of mine is already in her second trimester with a recurrence of cycst growing as large as her baby, incredible is it? Yeah, compared to her, my fibroids seemed like no issue at all, and still i can't get pregnant!!!

Another girlfriend bore 3 wonderful sons despite an ovarian cysts burst incident. My sister-in-law recovered from lupus potential condition is now a beaming 13 week old new mom. Another guyfriend who is a controlled diabetic managed to father two beautiful girls and now a newborn son. There's a girlfriend who had tried to cause miscarry through jumping off from high chair, punching own tummy and drinking abortive herbs is now a happy mom of a thirteen-going-fourteen year-old son. And me? For 26 cycles, i have been dutifully stayed away from my favorite watermelons, religiously downing folic acid each night, balancing diets, watching weights, taking bak foong yun, practicing law of attraction and doing all things that could possibly be done to enhance change of pregnancy. The reward is another failed cycle.

haiiiiiii.....karma, karma. Who knows, sweet fate could be installed for those (like us) who gave all that we have? Who knows, when all things bottom up, we look up to see clear rainbow overhead? Who knows, we would get the twins we'd always wanted?

Fortunately, we are well-endowed with strong characters and damn patience. We pick up ourselves very quickly after each failure. And we are taking every last opportunities that are available. IVF is the next. Its damn expensive but we are prepared to pay to offset karma if it has to be. So be it.

Cycle 26 @ day 29 - I have passed the 1st!

2009-11-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

ooooooooohhh.....the suspense is killing me

8.45am - Though this morning bright sun was a freshener to all those 2 weeks glooming rainy days, i was greeted with a patch of dark brown discharge on the tissue. Shown it to dino dad and we were both same time sighing. So sui meh?

Today is day-29 - the 'd' day. Same day last month and 2 months before saw the menses flushing already. However, the last 2 days had passed by monotonously. That was great. No sign of spotting but quite a bit of white discharge.

9.30-10.15am - Spent extra 15 minutes lingering at the mamak store with cham, savoring the pre-public holiday morning knowing most clients would leave us alone for their long weekend break of hari Qurban.

10.30 - 12.00pm - Intentionally made myself very busy with work just to take block my mind from wandering back to counting the clock. I could be flushing anytime. It has been the pattern to flush at this hours in the morning for the last 3 months. 天后娘娘 and many others have repeatedly told me not to think about 'getting it or not'. But it would take a super dog not to eat a well-done honey roasted steak that's sitting right in front of him. I tried not to think, i swear. The minute i got a breather from work, my consciousness directed my senses to feel down there, is it wet or dry, wet or dry. If its wet, i have to check it the color with a white tissue. That's how i have been spending my days around the 'd' timing. Tired leh.....

1pm - The half morning had went by with no sign of flushing yet. Yeh! yeh! Its was the 1st checkpoint successfully passed for the first time in more than twelve months. We went for lotus soup happily and the lunch was quite satisfying. By then we were started telling each other - this is it!

3-5pm - Busy, busy, busy thrashing out work before we close for the long weekend. And also made the effort to trace back outstanding commissions, which is the job of my accountant. To avoid making myself brushing my vagina skin with too frequent wiping, i think its ok to ease my accountant's job one in a while.

6-7pm - Rushed home to walk pepsi and corgie and heat up dinner. Got to get out of the house by 8pm to reach temple before 8.30pm. So far so good, no flushing yet, just light patch of gluey beige brown discharge on and off just the whole day. On the way to the temple, dino dad and i suggested some funny names for the boys - hahaha, we just assume the make-believe to be twins because i have indeed wowed and prayed for a pair of healthy twin boys. That's all i wanted if that would be all that i can have in this life. I would settle for even one if that's all i'd be given. My mind is made up so firm and readily accepting that i'd be more than happy to receive a baby girl if that's what i can have in this life.

9.00-11.30pm - 天后娘娘 conducted a blessing ceremony and i prayed fervently for the good sign to continue and make November 2009 be my first month of pregnant.....please.

1.01am - Just showered and now blogging. I still feel dry down there. I should be happy. I should just be relaxed. I should just let the fate take me. I should be resting my body now, to stretch out my lower abdomen so that the fetus won't get kemek by those extra spare tyres that have taken a permanent place around my tummy. I shall give this fetus more room to grow.

Ok, stop blogging now and to bed. Hopefully this fourteen day-old babies would show themselves to me in my dream tonight.

Oh yeah, i nearly forget to make entry....my sister-in-law text to break the good news - they are having a boy!!!! and her dr said the baby is healthy. My parents are proud first-time grandparent now.

Cycle 26 @ day 24 - The signs are looking

2009-11-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

There are some good signs which are happening at the right time, right days of the month. Breasts tenderness started after ovulation and lasts till today, stronger in the late afternoon but strongest from midnight onwards. I am feeling easily sleepy and Dino dad's business seems to be picking up back again. And Mother Tian Hou has felt my pulses and said "可以啦，可以啦". She said she had counted numerous times with the same result of "雙喜林門" and couldn't be wrong.

Its better be, Mother Tian Hou. I have reached the desperate stage already as I will turn thirty-seven in two months time, and Dino dad 40. And i need a tiger baby. And then you, Mother Tian Hou will rest for one full month before resume consultation. Arrrrggggg

Anyway, we have made up our mind to go for IVF next month if this month, fingers crossed, fail again. We have decided in one voice enough is enough. Perhaps our fate require us to spend off RM20,000 to redeem our past bad karma in order to achieve pregnancy. Maybe in one of my past lives, i had choosen not to rescue a critically illed wee barn because i couldn't part with my own savings, or maybe i was a cruel nai-nai who only kept sons, or maybe....enough tortouring myself.

In Buddhism teaching, the masters always preaches "no children means no one coming to collect debts from me." So i should be happy. Well, if after 40 still no baby, i will subscribe to this concept religiously.

For now, i have turned into a very shelfish mother-wanna-be. I have even choosen not to get close to anyone who is going low in their luck cycle, fearing it might affect my luck cycle. A Chinese Indonesian friend of mine came to KL three days ago intended to assist her sister to seek eye specialist attention on her 40 day-old grandson suspected with cancer lumps in both eyes. Actually, my felt melt in sorrow when the news reached me. It's liked not wanting to accept that life can be very cruel some time. I lied to her saying i'd be outstation on business till middle of next week so i could avoid not seemingly lan-si.

I feel so bad inside but i told myself i've got to take care of my own interest first. Do excuse me, i have waited 25 months and still not successful. And it is not the time to be emotionally generous especially to a family whose apparently sailing through a down cycle. I need all the good luck that i can get. I need to be surrounded with good and happy chi. I need to submerge in all-things-godly. That's the current plan and..... remaining 4 days left

The way to the heart through the face

2009-11-13T06:16:00.000-08:00

Mastery Academy says:
One of the most common reasons why people turn to Face Reading is for relationship issues, or problems. When it comes to romance and matters of the heart, Face Reading can indeed be a tool as a means of evaluating the type of person one is getting involved with, and how committed they are to the relationship at hand.

Certain features can indeed determine better relationship luck:

Eyebrows
Long eyebrows denote a sentimental and empathetic personality who values ties with other people, while short eyebrows denote a hasty and temperamental personality.
For females, it's desirable that they have New Moon or Willow Leaf eyebrows. The former indicates that they'll be supportive and understanding towards their husband, while the latter denotes good affinity with the opposite sex, and the ability to care for the home.
Nose
A long, straight, and tall nose on a female indicates her ability to enhance her husband's luck and bring out his potential.
Since the nose represents the Wealth and Spouse Star for females, a good-quality nose on a woman indicates good husband luck.
A nose that is very high and tall, in proportion to the rest of the face, indicates a very strong ego - and the inability to bend or back down to a partner's will!
Temples
The temples at the sides of the forehead, near the corners of the eyes. This denotes the Spouse Palace for both men and women.
Clear and fleshy temples denote a good relationship with the spouse, while scars, dents, veins, moles or discolouration suggest problems and arguments.
Cheekbones
It's not desirable for a female to have high, prominent cheekbones - especially when coupled with a high, strong and bony nose. It means a controlling and domineering personality, one that will 'control' the husband too much.
Eyes
Long, slender eyes with clearly defined pupils and whites bode well for romantic relationships. This denotes a person with a clear heart and mind, unencumbered with worries or excess emotional baggage.
Eyes that are too small denote problems with communication and empathy. These people will not express what's really on their mind, which can lead to long-term issues.
Too-large eyes indicate an emotional, sensitive nature. They will need a lot of attention, especially those with big, round eyes that appear watery. It can be emotionally exhausting and draining for the partner.

These are just some of the simple ways to read a face for relationship outlook. In more advanced forms of Face Reading, there is Combination Position or Multi Position Face Reading, which combines the various disparate features to arrive at a more detailed and exhaustive evaluation.

As such, the balance has changed. As evolution can't be help, the wise approach is to go with the flow and modify our own expectations when it comes to relationships. Along with the change in the "power" balance between men and women, we have to accept the inevitable change of not just financial responsibility, but also in terms of who gets what done However, many women who are strong individuals and who need to accomplish their own goals other than the traditional ones of being a wife, mother and homemaker, commonly want the best of both worlds. They want to pursue a successful career and yet hope to be completely coddled and taken care of by their man. However, we know from a BaZi (and practical) standpoint this does NOT work!

In the meantime, all the best in your attempts at Face Reading... and remember to enjoy the process!

Jessie Lee
MA Instructor

Cycle 26 @ day 13 - My brother is expecting!!

2009-11-10T06:32:00.000-08:00

Even my brother's wife, a recovered Lupus-potential patient, is successful in pregnancy. A year younger than me, my brother and his wife are now proud first-time-parent-to-be with a 13 week-old baby.

About the same time last year, they had their first carrying but the fetus heart stopped beating at week 8. Hence, it was aborted through D&C. With that incident, the dr. had prompted several series of tests on Kian, sister-in-law. The results diagnosed Kian was a lupus-potent, an autoimmune condition that the antibody coating the red blood cells is attacking its own body whenever there emergence of foreign body. Even though non-conclusive, we were all suspecting that the autoimmune condition could have killed the baby.

Kian started more series of testings, cost hundreds of Ringgit each test, to monitor the development of the condition while undergoing intensive traditional chinese treatment at Tung Shin hospital. RM400 per bi-weekly prescription. It all seems worthwhile now confirmed by the weekly heartbeat scans at the clinic. The estimated due date would be middle of May 2010. This baby will be the first 3rd generation of our family and the first grandchild to my father aged 73.

Today, I have scolded my brother upside down for being a smarty-pant deciding to delay taking the amniocentesis test. Though its really an expensive test that probably costs between RM800-RM1200, but Kian's stabilized condition summons the urgency.

I am happy for them though i pained inside in pity of my own failures. I just couldn't understand why i am being tortured with these continuous failings. Just last week, my fertility dr had just reconfirmed all my vitals are fine; my tubes not that blocked as i thought, my fibroids are not inside my womb, my hormones are in balance and Dino dad's sperm-count and vitals are above average. And still i can't conceive naturally!!!!!

The modern relationship in the context of Bazi

2009-11-08T01:50:00.000-08:00

One interesting aspect of applying BaZi, a science that was formulated in ancient China, is in modifying its application to the 21st century world that we dwell in. BaZi as we know, is pretty much all about balance. How this balance applies and how this balance has changed are the key concepts underlying this week's article.
Ask any BaZi consultant and you'll find that relationship issues (the romantic kind) are among the most common discussed during a BaZi reading. I often find in my practice and in speaking to fellow consultants that impractical (and oftentimes ignorant) expectations and views are behind the relationship woes of the many clients. We all know the roles of women have evolved tremendously in the past 50 years or so. Women nowadays have risen to be successful corporate, political leaders, business people and can hold enormous influence and power. How do we relate such change and progress to the concept of balance in the BaZi chart?
The factor that denotes capability and ability to express and use talents and skills is the Output element. As such the stronger, more vibrant and better quality the Output element, the better the person is able to express oneself, perform and in general, get things done. All these are, of course, crucial factors for success as defined by modern society. Alas, too strong an Output also puts stress on the Influence element-which for women denotes the husband or romantic other half.
As such, a common occurrence for successful women is that they tend to be too opinionated, aggressive and expressive - all qualities that, we have to realistically admit, diminish the traditional role of men as the decision-maker and dominant party in a relationship. But of course, the "traditional" role of men also encompassed being completely responsible of the well-being of their partners and children in terms of protection, security and basic needs, while being in charge of projects and day-to-day endeavours.
As such, the balance has changed. As evolution can't be help, the wise approach is to go with the flow and modify our own expectations when it comes to relationships. Along with the change in the "power" balance between men and women, we have to accept the inevitable change of not just financial responsibility, but also in terms of who gets what done However, many women who are strong individuals and who need to accomplish their own goals other than the traditional ones of being a wife, mother and homemaker, commonly want the best of both worlds. They want to pursue a successful career and yet hope to be completely coddled and taken care of by their man. However, we know from a BaZi (and practical) standpoint this does NOT work!
If you have traits that make you a successful corporate, business or powerful woman, chances are you'll end up overshadowing your man, find it difficult to find someone who matches your caliber or have difficulty maintaining your relationship. In such a case, you'll find you need to lower your expectations and accept that you may need to be the breadwinner or contribute to the financial aspect of the relationship (at least to some extent).
Similarly, guys who are the archetype of the new-age, sensitive male-for example, one who is able to relate to feelings and sentiment, be nurturing and caring-also find that they're unable to completely "wear the pants" in a relationship. Such males tend to have fleeting relationships and have trouble maintaining long-term relationships. And since they literally have trouble controlling their Wealth element (which stands for literal wealth, management style and ahem, also their "better" half), then financially they tend to be unstable or have difficulty accumulating wealth.
So ladies, be prepared to have to bear some financial responsibility in general if you're into the new-age kind of guy (or alternatively, if you're the ambitious sort when it comes to career). And similarly, guys who fit this mould need to accept that they can't be in charge of all decisions nor be in complete control. Such understanding, compromise and practice from both genders are needed to keep the "modern" relationship alive and well!

Toh Kong Eu
MA Instructor

Cycle 26 @ day 11 - Time flies

2009-11-08T00:47:00.000-08:00

No time to nurse disappointment because it's already time to start concentrating on new cycle of mission. After 25 cycles of failed attempts i guess the brain is releasing more and more numbing hormones to temper out frustration and disappointment. I am less agitated over each passing menses and i am able to rebuild the spirit to prepare for the next cycle. Or perhaps, my fate of getting a baby successfully is very nearby.

Found this wonderful article at babyzone.com. One Mom. Two Babies. Two Due Dates.

Julia Grovenburg is expecting a baby girl on December 24, 2009. But in a rare medical twist, Grovenburg is also pregnant with a baby boy, due January 10, 2010. How is this possible? Some experts think the two pregnancies are an extraordinarily rare example of the condition known as superfetation, or conceiving while pregnant. Dr. Karen Boyle, of the Greater Baltimore Medical Center, told ABC News," When the woman had her ultrasound initially, they saw that

baby had a certain gestational age; then they noticed a second heartbeat in a child that was much, much younger developmentally." Superfetation is suspected because fetal size and development tend not to vary early on in pregnancy, though twins and other multiples may differ widely in size at birth. Ultrasounds show the two babies are developing normally—and at a consistent pace of 2.5 weeks apart. Conception sparks powerful hormonal changes that prevent the fertilization and implantation of a second embryo, even in the rare instances when a woman ovulates twice during one monthly cycle. Testing after the babies are born should confirm whether they were conceived at different times. Worried this will happen to you?

Me? Me, worry? If this happens to me, its like winning the jackpot!

Cycle 25 @ day 29......

2009-11-04T01:25:00.000-08:00

.......another failed cycle..........

Cycle 25 # Day 26

2009-10-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

i know i'm not supposed to.... but try tell a dog not to bark.....

Cycle 25 @ day 23......

2009-10-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

Time seemed drifting by faster and more meaning for September and October as i've enrolled myself in an Advance Diploma in Psychology Counselling and attending classes on every Saturday. The past third week was exceptional busy in preparing examination papers as well as reserach reading. Whow...its been a long long time since i left schooling. Getting back on felt weird at the beginning. But the Singaporean leacture Henry Tan was admirable. Aside from being a full time licensed senior counselor at Singapore HIV center, he teached colleages and an active Christian preacher. The commendable aspect of him was that he carried counseling not the religious way, but the universa way. I totally missed him as a preacher if he did not extend his namecard at the end of the module 1. Applaudable.

Tomorrow class resumes after a week Deepavali break. I managed to catch up back on some blogging. My fertility treatment remains regime despite busier time table. And Dino dad remains hardworking in making himself a father. Its good to keep myself busy. I am less stressed up counting days and pleasantly moderating my moods.

What that...i've got hits of big visions of my destiny choices the next 3 years. I've better get working on this visions than to count.

To clash or not to clash

2009-10-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

By Mastery Academy

This week, let's take a look at the concept of the "clash" of the Earthly Branches in BaZi. Recall that each natal BaZi chart contains four Earthly Branches -- namely the four animal signs in the Year, Month, Day and Hour Pillars (in addition, there are the Earthly Branches of the Luck and Annual Pillars). A clash to the Earthly Branches means that one (or more) of the Earthly Branches encounters a direct, opposing branch. This can occur within the natal BaZi chart itself or between the branches in a natal chart with the Luck or Annual Pillars.

Now, the main thing is that a clash of course is not to be feared and does not necessary mean a bad thing! In general, however, clashes do indicate changes, usually abrupt and obvious ones. As clashes indicate head-on changes, their effects are obvious and typically obviously felt - so it is a good idea to usually prepare ourselves when we predict a clash occurring either in the Luck or Annual Pillars.

Whether a clash is deemed good or not is usually dependent on how "favourable" the victorious element of a clash is. For example, in the clash of a Rat (Water element) and a Horse (whose main Qi is Fire), the victorious branch is typically the Rat (as Water puts out Fire). This is one determinant. We also have to examine whether the more favourable element is removed or introduced. Continuing with the Rat/Horse example, let's assume that there is a Rat branch in a natal BaZi chart and a BaZi evaluation tells us that the element of Ding fire is needed. In the Luck Pillar of the Horse, generally the introduction of Fire via the Horse, even though it is "rejected" by the Rat (hence, manifesting as the Rat/Horse clash), is good for the person in question. There will be unsettling changes in store of course ... but the discomfort will be beneficial for the person's life.

For today's article, let's also examine the effects of the clash to different parts of the BaZi chart. As the Year Branch indicates the external-most part of the chart, a clash here indicates a change in the external environment of the person in question. These external changes can manifest in circumstances as relocation, migration or travel for the person undergoing the clash. A Clash in the Year Branch can also mean accidents or mishaps which hurt the external body. As the Year Pillar also denotes the relationship with one's grandparents and childhood friends, a clash here may also mean separation from (or in some cases, the death of) such parties.

The Month Branch is the foremost indication of one's key character since it denotes the immediate family environment when one is growing up. As such, any clash here means not only a crucial change in the person's key attitudes but possibly a change in the parental home or parental relationship. In addition, as the Month Pillar is also an indicator of one's immediate work environment and relationship with the superior, a clash here denotes such a corresponding change - he or she may be transferred to a different department or alternatively, his or her superior may be replaced!

A clash to the Day Branch is usually much-feared as it typically denotes marital or spousal problems. However, a clash to the Day Branch could simply mean a change in residence or renovations to the home. Alternatively, it could also mean hurting the lower part of the body or perhaps even surgery.

Parents especially, should be wary of a clash to the Hour Branch as this denotes issues (for example, separation) with one's children. As one's subordinates are also akin to one's children, a clash to the Hour Branch can also denote a turnover in subordinates or even the type of work that a person does. Besides these, a clash to the Hour Branch can cause a feeling of unease and unsettling thoughts for the person experiencing the clash.

Toh Kong Eu
MA Instructor

Day Pillar = All in a day's work

2009-10-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

By Mastery Academy
Like all other jobs out there, Feng Shui consulting has its ups and downs - braving the tropical weather in formal attire, inflicting soil and mud upon leather shoes, and having to quickly recover and look cool while heading back to the office. One of the most important lessons I've learned is this: always start your day with a healthy hearty breakfast.

No. Just joking. What I mean to say is, don't embark on crucial activities (all my site-visits are crucial to me, later you will understand why) on a Day that clashes with your Day Pillar.
Now, of course sometimes we do not get to choose the best time to go out - always bear in mind what's happening to your house's dynamic Feng Shui. Dynamic what? I'm going to assume that since this newsletter is reaching you, you must be an ardent observer of Feng Shui - and therefore, by default you must have a 'Bright Hall' outside AND inside your main door.
(If you really have no idea what a 'Bright Hall' is, you have no choice but to get this book.)
Back to dynamic Feng Shui - I was referring to the annual and monthly Flying Stars at your main door. Why? This is a good indicator of your wealth prospects for the month:
Month Star produce Annual Star: Expect some financial gains. Clients will be very friendly and cooperative.

Month Star the same element with Annual Star: Maintained status quo. Extremely lovely clients.

Month Star counters Annual Star: Some wealth gains. But cranky clients.

Month Star depletes Annual Star: Client requires 'a lot of persuasion.'
Month Star countered by Annual Star: Client will Feng Shui his/her own house.

The 'Host and Guest' relationship between two Stars (or Star and Palace) is often discussed in Xuan Kong Feng Shui. We often generalize that Star combinations like 8-9 and 1-4 are good stuff, but fail to see that sometimes, the good stuff happens without truly 'benefiting' us! For example, if your Annual Star is #9, and the monthly Star that flew in is a #8, you have a case of Fire 'producing out' to the Earth. What this could mean is that, while yes, you will experience a 'happy event' (#9 is the Happiness Star), and money is involved (#8 is a Wealth Star), but because of this 'produce outwards' relationship - it looks like you'll be spending money at someone else's wedding or charity ball instead!

During a Feng Shui corporate training session last week, one female participant asked, "What does it mean if I have too much Fire in my BaZi chart?"

My answer was, "Drink more water then."

They all laughed at me.

Hmm... Fire represents passion. Too much Fire means over-passionate. When you are constantly over-passionate you tend to work your body a lot, move a lot, and talk a lot. So you get dehydrated easily. After 10 years of constant dehydration your kidneys (Water element) might start to fail. Not to mention your skin condition (Earth element) might be beyond SK-II repair.

Another smart aleck retorted, "Doesn't Fire grow Earth, thus improving your skin?"
My reply was, "Would you take a cooked chicken and stick it in your oven again?" Too much of anything is never good. After all, Feng Shui is fundamentally the study of Yin-Yang balance.
For example, before moving out to seize the day (Yang), always fill yourself with a hearty breakfast (Yin).

Sherwin Ng
MA Instructor

Thriving through the rest of the ox year

2009-10-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

By Mastery Academy

Time sure flies, even in this plodding Earth Ox year! We're already almost in the last quarter of this Chinese Solar Year and initial plans are already afoot to welcome the upcoming Metal Tiger year from the perspective of astrology and changing Feng Shui energies. The Earth Ox year has certainly been a challenging and confusing year for many. Alas, the reality is that we still need to face the remainder of the next four months; so let's revisit some key reminders (mostly based on simple 5 element deductions) on how we can make the best of the next 4 months or so.

The Earth Ox year is best visualized by a pile of cold, stacking earth. Hardly a picture of growth, rosy health or clarity in thought! The excess of the earth element is difficult for most of us in terms of BaZi; even those whose favourable element is earth have likely found this a challenging year. The year has brought with it the danger of disease, natural disasters and slow growth in the world economy. While most of us can't really expect to achieve successful fruition of our endeavours this year, nonetheless we should think long term. This is a good year to start new endeavours andinitiate new ideas and goals. The earth allows us to "germinate" and "seed" new projects and take a new direction in life.

However, as plants take time to grow, we should also guard against having too high expectations of quick success and achievement. In fact, if you haven't already discovered by now, longer term visions, goals and plans work much better this year than endeavours that thrive on rapid turnover and quick results-this is a good way to work with the earth element. Also, any endeavour that involves the wood element such as teaching, designing, agriculture- most of anything that involves growth and creativity-- will thrive. A dose of creativity in any endeavour will ease any blockage or obstacle that we encounter.

As fire energy is outwardly weak this year, using the qualities of fire will also help. The fire element will warm-up the cold earth, making it slightly easier to manage. So, we should stay passionate and joyful. Look for and do things that make you happy. Stay happy! As the Ox (being a graveyard animal sign) also makes us more contemplative and inward, this provides a great opportunity to explore spirituality, or perhaps even religion (since these belong to the fire element). Invest in self-cultivation and study. Look for ways to improve your life and its current circumstances, to the extent of maybe even taking a new direction if such a time has arrived!

The excess earth not only makes us contemplative but also blurs communication while causing excessive stress and worry. This is especially so with charts that already have an excess of metal and water. In addition, those with excess earth will also feel pressured and misunderstood; even to the extent of being paranoid and suspicious. As one key benefit of understanding astrology is taking stock of what is happening internally, those afflicted with such excess earth should always look at the brighter side of things and acknowledge that most of one's fear, suspicion and negative thinking this year can be mostly or perhaps even entirely baseless. As the Earth Ox is hardly conducive for clear communication, it is better to be open, clear and forthright when communicating since the chance for miscommunication is already so high.

Lastly, we need to be continuously mindful of health as the Ox has brought increased health risks and higher mortality rates. We should observe good personal hygiene, take precaution of health risks (such as H1N1), eat healthy, and also get adequate exercise and sleep. To stay psychologically healthy, we also need to be physically healthy!

Toh Kong Eu
MA Instructor

30-9-09 - Bye Bye Legal Ah Long

2009-10-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

Its official! We have settled our first home loan with Standard Chartered Bank and today is history.

Finally. We are elated. We are floating in euphoria, literally.

To celebrate our release, hubby and i patted each other's back and yamseng-ed teh tarik at Nainas mamak nearby our house.

We cheered to our record time in finishing the loan in just 12 years instead of 30 years. We cheered to all of our hard work and perseverance paid off. We cheered to our decisions on no-LouisVutton-for-now. We cheered to our choice on traveling everything low-fare and low-budget. We cheered to our decision to postpone wedding to 6 years later. We cheered to our decision to defer ownership of our desired Period-8 home 7 years later. We cheered to our reluctance but still serviced someone else's house with a non-refundable sum of RM76,800. We cheered to our prudentially guided lifestyle. And lastly, we unanimously cheered to ourselves for truly owning a piece of mid-end condominium in the heart of Kuala Lumpur to our names rightfully and legally.......haaaaaaaaaah.......what a blast......

And now, we are getting ready to be bombarded with our first pot of gold in real hard cash by end of November. Life is certainly rewarding to those, that meant us, who'd slaved with two to three jobs at a time for more than 10 years. Yeh!

Cycle # 25 - Day 1 - Another fail attempt

2009-10-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

....period came.....

Cycle 24# day 24 - Anxious

2009-09-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

................. ..................... .......................

Again, its the period of the cycle where i have to suspend in anxiety; always conscious of the dates on the calendar; always touching my own breasts to feel the remaining mild tenderness and to kid myself saying "it could be the work of progesterone; staying alert to all little tiny-weenee signs that might suggests an early pregnancy.

Cycle 24 # Day 14 - Ovulation Day

2009-09-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

Hailing from Medan....

Took 2 days off and followed Dino dad on a business trip to Medan. Why? Because he has to go on this trip and we have to keep to our baby-making schedule.

Can't miss even a single chance. All the signs showing i am 'damn fertile' this cycle; putting on weight; double-chin peeking even at the slightest laugh; great water-retention and growing breast pains started few days back - a another first "Breast pain symptoms prior ovulation".

We checked in Swiss Belhotel at 8am (Indon time) and after giving his face a quite wash, Dino dad left for his marathon appointments while i slow slow unpack and check emails. To my sweet surprise, i saw both my nipples were engorsed like they would after conception!! I have never never in my past 23 cycles witnessed my nipples to be this large prior to ovulation. At most, this symptom was obvious during the last 3-4 days prior menstruation. Both breasts now feel heavy.

I certainly hope its an indicative sign that my fertility hit high notes and that i am ovulating and my egg or eggs (haha...wishing for twins) to roll pass my fallopian tubes like any other women!!!!! I hope my intensive treatment would push its maximum power.

Even my master noded in agreement that i WILL GET PREGNANT THIS CYCLE!! Gah yaoooo...

2009-09-08T06:57:00.000-07:00

The War Against Imaginary Enemies

Sharing The Nations by ZAINAH A ANWAR. Sunday September 6, 2009

IT’S that time of the year again when you are supposed to reflect on what it means to be Malay sian.

I am torn between wanting to see the glass as half full or half empty.

Ever the optimist who believes change is possible, I am always pulling up friends in despair, assuring them the way politics is played, business is conducted, religion is politicised in this country cannot last forever. It is just not sustainable.

That in the end, good sense will always prevail, because there is too much that is good about Malaysia for us to tear it asunder for short-term political gain.

But right now, I am just not so sure any more. Not that the good will not prevail, in the end, but that while we work hard for that to happen, the political and social fabric that have kept us together for so long might just be shredded beyond repair.

No thanks to politicians who are supposed to lead us to greater heights of development, unity, prosperity.

Let’s just look at the shameful incident of the cow-head demonstration just three days before we celebrated our 52nd birthday as an independent nation.

Obviously, the Prime Minister’s 1Malaysia campaign means nothing to those demonstrators who claim to represent the residents of Section 23, Shah Alam.

I would like to think there are more rational, wiser Mus lims living there whose faith is not easily undermined by the presence of a temple in the neighbourhood.

Now that this incident has blown up into a national issue, those responsible are trying to deny their culpability.

But in today’s age of YouTube and instant communication, the whole world can view who said and did what on that day.

As far as the video showed, there was no effort to get the so-called uninvited extremist individuals in the midst to stop their deliberately provocative action.

In fact, the demonstrators marched behind the freshly slaughtered cow-head. Not only that, the leaders of the demonstration stomped on the cow-head and spewed inflammatory words and made threats in the name of race and religion.

And then, in true Malaysian style, we are all supposed to feel assured that there came the usual outcry, outrage and indignation.

Our national political leaders said the right words to calm the situation, promised investigation and action. Only for yet another outburst to take place.

Haven’t we gone through this before? From the kris-wielding, racial and religious supremacist language at the 2006 Umno general assembly, to Takaful Malaysia’s Fauzi Mustafa’s directive to his staff not to wish their Hindu clients a Happy Deepavali, to the allegation that a group of Muslim students would be baptised at the Silibin church in Ipoh, to the Umno Bukit Bendera division chief Datuk Ahmad Ismail and his “pendatang” labelling, to the inflammatory headlines in some newspapers and the predictable demonstrations after Friday prayers on real and imagined threats to Islam and Malay rights.

Is it any wonder that the cow-head demonstrators should resort to the same racialist language and threats of bloodshed should their demands in the name of race and religion be ignored?

Venting frustration: An angry resident being restrained by enforcement officers after he charged forward at the dialogue session with Khalid Samad (left), Khalid (centre) and Rodziah in Shah Alam.

If we do not find a way to be politically and culturally civil in our contested public engagement fast, then this deliberate strategy to construct every dispute into a threat to race and religion will eventually implode on us.

March 8, 2008, was one safety valve where the emergent diverse social forces within our society used the ballot box to express their discontent. But it seems too many of our political leaders and their earnest supporters at the grassroots remain untutored to the changing mood of the rakyat.

Enough is enough. Stop this politics of fear. Stop whipping up public sentiment to win political support.

Stop manufacturing this siege mentality to put the Malays on perpetual crisis mode, only to serve short- term political ends.

We are tired of hearing that the Malays are under threat, Islam is under threat, as if the Malays are so feeble and frail that the slightest challenge to our comfort zone would annihilate our faith and our race.

In the end, we spend so much time fighting imaginary enemies and threats instead of focusing our energy and time on the real issues that impede the progress that we should have achieved after 52 years of independence and almost 40 years of affirmative action policies that have privileged the Malays.

Time waits for no man is a much used cliché, but really as we fight over dead bodies, location of temples, loudspeakers at mosques, punitive state control over what we wear, drink, and listen to and where we hang out with our friends, other countries and other communities are getting on with being more com petitive, more productive, more civil and more inclusive in their engagements. And having more fun at that.

The Prime Minister’s call for Malaysians to restore the bridges that brought us together and tear the walls that separate us is most timely.

But it must be demonstrated by deeds – immediately. For too long, our national leaders have been wringing their hands over the deteriorating race relations in the country.

Every time a crisis erupts, all kinds of solutions and suggestions are made to build bridges among the Malays, Chinese and Indians. But what has happened to all these policies?

How about the policy that university housing should ensure that roommates are of different races?

That there should not be any more single-race teams and societies in schools and universities.

And then, the compulsory ethnic relations course in universities and the five-year national unity and integration action plan. And, oh yes, the vision school.

Is it still on pilot mode after all these years? And yes, that plan to make the national school system the school of first choice for all Malay sians. Great ideas. We the rakyat would like to know their progress.

Have they really been implemented? Are they being monitored and evaluated to see if their objectives are being reached? How effective are they? Who are their champions?

I would like to know, for we urgently need to build a public culture of citizenship that cuts across ethnic divides.

We must encourage inter-ethnic civic and social associations, for it is this social capital in our society that will put a brake on any possibility of ethnic contestation turning into ethnic violence.

The fact that the residents association of a racially diverse Section 23 Shah Alam seems to be made up of only one race, one religion and one point of view on a contested issue demonstrates the challenge that faces us.

A more integrated and inclusive residents association could have stopped any effort by politicians to exploit grassroots disgruntlement and escalate it into a communal conflict to undermine political rivals.

Where are the truly visionary and committed leaders in government who make, promote, implement and monitor policies to build bridges at all levels of Malaysian society?

The Government cannot forever go on making one announcement after another to mend our fraying race relations, and yet allow those determined to build walls to separate us to get their way.

If the Government is serious, then anyone who exploits race and religion and inflame public sentiment for narrow sectarian interests must be delegitimised, not rewarded.

It is ironic that in this country, those who are actually doing the inter-ethnic bridge building are demonised as traitors to the race, anti-God, and anti-Islam.

My only hope really lies with the many actors in civil society who are consciously, tirelessly, and vibrantly working together across racial and religious divides in music, film, dance, theatre, the arts, women’s rights and human rights activism, community services, neigbourhood associations, inter-faith dialogue – all determined to keep Malaysia safe, inclusive, respectful and celebratory of our rich heritage of diversity that has always been our blessing. Shame on those who find this a threat.

2009-09-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

Let’s stamp out racism

BRAVE NEW WORLD By AZMI SHAROM, Thursday September 3, 2009

Not only must we condemn the cow-head protest in Shah Alam last week but we must look into ourselves and make sure we don’t think and speak like racists.

THE cow-head protest in Shah Alam last week left me feeling utterly disgusted. The men who organised and participated in that foul act are nothing but rank racists, and by cloaking their activities in a veil of piousness they show themselves to be even more despicable.

Yes, I was furious, but sadly I was not surprised. How can I be and how can anyone else be? We have allowed racists to have their way for so many years now.

Their appalling words and actions get progressively bolder and it just builds and builds until we have these men feeling they have the right to insult another religion in the most vile and brutal manner.

In the light of how Malay and Islamic supremacist thinking and expression have caught hold in the last few years, this sickening behaviour is simply a natural progression.

It happened because we allowed it to happen. Those bigoted thugs did what they did because we did not stamp down on the racists among us hard.

We allowed racist politicians to spout their garbage about “immigrant races”; we allowed them to tell our brothers and sisters to “go back to where you belong”; we allowed them to wave weapons of war; and we allowed them to ask for the weapons to be bathed in blood.

It’s too late for any politician to condemn something now when all the other acts of bigotry that have been brewing in the past few years were not even protested against because they suited their political needs.

It is too late to be making pleas of unity on National Day when not enough has been done before.

Let’s look at something recent. Two books that attacked the Mentri Besar of Selangor and Opposition Leader Anwar Ibrahim are blatantly racist.

They claim that Selangor is for Malays only. They claim that the Pakatan Rakyat state government threatens Malays because they hire non-Malay staff.

In other words, the government must only hire Malays so that only Malays get benefits from the government. This is racism pure and simple. But because it suits the ruling party, as these books attack Pakatan, nothing is said.

Racism is racism, be it some vile words published in some cheap self-published drivel, or a bleeding cow head stomped and spat upon. Racism is racism and it must be fought.

When it is not fought, when it is not faced down every single time, then those without the courage to fight it are merely accomplices who, through their cowardice or selfishness, support it.

And how should we fight it? The law that should be used is the Penal Code. The Sedition Act is a blunderbuss of a law and could be used against genuine dissent as well. Let us not look to that archaic leaving of the British.

Use the provisions in the Penal Code that make incitement an offence. Charge these people under the Penal Code and lock them away.

But that is for the authorities to do, if they so choose to. We, the people, must look into ourselves and make sure we don’t think and speak like racists. We must be even more careful that we do not infect our children.

We should speak out against racism and we should tell our political leaders that if they do not fight racism then they are supporting racism and we will not support them.

We must make sure that what happened in Shah Alam faces utter and complete public contempt. Only in that way can we ensure it is not repeated.

Dr Azmi Sharom is a law teacher. The views expressed here are entirely his own.

Cycle 24 # Day 29 - Failed again

2009-09-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

... mensus started flushing from 10am......

Cycle 24 # Day 24 - First Intensive Treatment

2009-08-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

27 August 2009, lunar day 8 of July.

As prescribed, i faithfully took my first course of intensive treatment just now while my heart was praying fervently "please, please, please let this month be the month...please...."

Everyone around me ceaselessly reminding to take it easy. My silent responses were and has always been consistently be: How? I want to, but can you, if you were in my shoe? Excuse me, am i the one trying to get pregnant or you? Says who?

Two days back, one of my client had even called to break the good news that she had held back since last month, as if we were in phantom competition to conceive. Her urine test showed positive and she is ecstatic, naturally. Who wouldn't? I would - for sure to bet MYR100k on my rapturous expression on the day my urine test shows a '+'. You'd sure win. But i am grievously ashamed of a fleeting glee in my heart when she said she is still experiencing spotting. After i hung up the phone, i quickly repent and asked for Buddha to willed me power to cleanse my bad mind before i go nutty

Sigh.... has TTC made me a cruel person? I'm afraid the answer is beginning to be obvious. Gosh! how can i? I must be happy for others, yet, i can't find the strength to be truly happy for them.

Let's just hope this treatment can speed up its potency

How Bazi profiling works for us

2009-08-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

BaZi, one of two main forms of Chinese Astrology, is a very empowering tool indeed. One crucial point to note is BaZi's usage in our modern times. Unlike in ancient China, where resources were limited (for example, travelling to the next town or village was something that often took days or weeks), in our modern living, we have much more control of our decisions and actions. As a matter of fact, we often have much, much more control that we think we do!

Understanding one's BaZi is a powerful way of understanding our destiny and life on this planet we call Earth. The static, natal chart tells us our role (or roles) in life, our personality characteristics as well as the situations and circumstances around us, whereby the Luck Pillars (in reaction with the Annual Pillar) tells the changes and movements as we move through time. BaZi is a useful tool indeed, not just for prediction of events and outcomes, but also in understanding what makes us tick, our approach to life, our outlook and our innate skills and talents. BaZi (when interpreted by a neutral, competent practitioner) gives us an extremely objective view of things; one that is not tainted by self-delusion, fear or doubt which can typically skew the best of personality assessment tests.

One of the ways we can approach BaZi as a method of self-improvement is to examine the structure and profile of the person whose chart is being read. This enables us to zoom quickly into the dominant personality trait of the person, in addition to understanding the Day Master (which tells us his or her overall purpose). The profile is determined from reading the month of birth (that is, the season) which is the strongest influence in any chart vis-à-vis the Day Master. This profiling enables us understand the main character or "style" of the person in his or her thinking, outlook and approach in life as well as interaction with others (and really, with the world at large!) and is a substantial, extended understanding of the innate nature of anyone.

The 5 types of most basic profiles (namely Companion, Output, Wealth, Influence and Resource) will determine our dominant personality and really, our "destined" way of relating to the world at large. Once we understand a profile, we can extend this understanding and relate this overall "style", or affinity, to the key areas of our (earthly) life for example, in wealth generation, career choice, social and personal relationships - information that we can use then to improve ourselves, our circumstances and our attitudes to life.

For example, when it comes to wealth, our methods of acquiring, accumulating and managing wealth will differ from profile to profile -- BaZi profiling can tell us HOW best to approach these. Some people are better at managing others' money, some are "structured" to generate wealth by providing a service to others and yet there are others who essentially create wealth from their ideas, thoughts and inventions! Not only that, an in-depth understanding of our profile will help us make the BEST career choice (which often may not fall into the majority or norm as it were) that would ensure success, happiness and more importantly, personal fulfillment. Last but not least, as we are able to assess our personal "style" via BaZi, we can thus empower ourselves in order to relate better to others around us. Similarly, we can use profiling to understand OTHERS around us, therefore creating better and more harmonious relationships!

So you see, contrary to the old fuddy-duddy perception of Chinese Astrology, an updated and modern approach to BaZi is TREMENDOUSLY empowering and extremely useful in our 21st century lives!

Toh Kong Eu
MA Instructor

Cycle 24 # Day 16 - Counting again

2009-08-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

This month seems much much smoother than previous months. Dino dad did not take a single dose of painkiller for the past 12 days prior to ovulation. Neither did i. No arguments that usually led to sour nights in front of the TV. No more late night clients/suppliers-entertainment till pass midnight that led to abort of mission.

I am at peace with work. I am at peace with life though not perfectly rich as i've always aspired to. And two back, we had hired the local council to axe off our huge nino tree that had grown almost higher than my second floor roof.

Wonderfully, we had successful sex as early as on day 8 and 11, then the usual day 15. We are looking forward to 2 more romps on day 17 and day 19 to be safe. At the same time, i will be starting on intensive treatment tomorrow for 2 weeks.

Hopefully, and wishfully, i can conceive this month.

Basic guide to buy or build a house

2009-08-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Joey Yap says....

If you are a Feng Shui practitioner, you are going to get this one question asked of you all the time, in the most inconvenient of places and quite frequently, by people whom you have never met till that very moment of their question: "Can you tell me if the house I am planning to buy has good Feng Shui or not?"

I am sure you will agree with me that being a psychic would usually help in these circumstances since you, the Feng Shui practitioner, will usually not be presented with any information at all with regards to the property.

Prevention is better than cure - so it is always better to undertake a Feng Shui consultation of your property prior to buying a house. So, what I will try and do today is give you one or two guidelines that will help when you are out hunting for your dream home.

One other thing before we proceed, certain houses need no cure (I will elaborate more on this later) and with other houses, there is simply no cost effective way to make them Feng Shui compliant; it would simply cost too much. A great deal (i.e. of running into either of such houses) depends on your luck. Fortunately, finding a totally disastrous house is quite a rare possibility, so don't get ahead of yourself with worry just as yet.

Feng Shui - The Real Thing

Location
Your immediate environment exerts the largest influence in the overall Feng Shui of your home - where you are LOCATED is one of the key factors to consider when buying a new home. When engaging a Feng Shui consultant, assuming you have some leeway in this, ask him or her where in your town or city is a good spot to build or purchase a home.

Different areas of a city or town have Qi (energies) that are sourced from different mountains (we call these dragon veins in Feng Shui). The real study of Feng Shui revolves around how to locate the 'correct' spot where the Qi will support your endeavors. Keep in mind that one man's meat is still another's man poison - a spot may not be as suitable for you as it would be for your neighbour.

Obviously, the structure and formation of mountains and Qi flow in the environment (meaning Classical Luan Tou Feng Shui) is out of reach of the average Feng Shui enthusiast at this point in time. However when you engage your consultant, you need to check with him your area's Landform Feng Shui and which choice plots you are able to tap to these Qi.

Many people are under the mistaken assumption that landform Feng Shui is primarily about looking out for "poison" arrows and "Sha Qi" features from your neighbors. To some extent, these are the basics to look out for but keep in mind that we are taking into consideration the MACRO Feng Shui of your property - the WHOLE area. It only makes sense to pick an area that is good from the beginning to work with.

Land And House Selection Criteria
Let's take an example of an area, you arrive to find that the area is extremely windy - BAD Feng Shui. Why? Because wind disperses the Qi. In Kuo-Pu's Burial Book, known as the main source book of all Feng Shui studies today, it is clearly stated that the Wind disperse the Qi. So, if your area has very strong winds, you can be sure that the Qi in your area is not very positive, so give this area a miss.

Merciless Tiger and Dragon Embrace
"Merciless what?!", I can already hear the worried cries for help now. The Tiger and Dragon refer to the left and right surrounding hills or even houses. If they do not 'embrace' your land area and instead is outward moving, this land is one that will not be very suitable. The Qi in this area cannot be contained and you are better off looking elsewhere.

Piercing Water
Water in the practice of Feng Shui can help enhance Qi and can just as well do the exact opposite and cause harmful Sha Qi. If the water path (usually in the from of drains or gutters) directly in front of your main door rushes in a straight line, it is known as "Wu Qing Shui" -Merciless Water. This type of water not only drains the Qi of your house, but ultimately emits Sha Qi. If you see such a structure, it would be futile to try and fix this property.

Bright Hall
The bright hall refers to the generous space in front of your property. Check that you do indeed have a bright hall and that it is not TOO tight or TOO spacious. If it is too tight, no Qi can accumulate, if it is too broad, then Qi disperses without having a chances to collect. When faced with such structures, move on and keep looking.

Hills at the Back and Water in Front
Contrary to popular belief, it is not always necessary to have mountains at the back and a water feature or a lake at the front. This really depends on the overall structure of your landform. Sometimes it can actually be better to face a good mountain to receive Qi directly from the dragon veins.

Turning To Hypnosis To Get Pregnant

2009-08-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

By Dennis Douda (WCCO) © MMVII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Hypnosis is used for all kinds of things, including quitting smoking, losing weight and even limiting labor pain in the delivery room, but now some women swear the mind-over-matter technique is helping them get pregnant.

Amber Olson is a busy working mother with another baby on the way. Before her second son, Liam, was born, she had three and a half years of infertility and doctors could not find a physical reason.

Olson tried fertility treatments with no success.

"It was really heartbreaking," she said.

Olson then turned to fertility hypnosis, a new complementary therapy that is gaining popularity.

With a soothing voice and positive words, Olson said her hypnotherapist guided her to a relaxing, stress-free world.

"I felt excellent," Olson said.

After only two sessions, Olson was pregnant.

Lynsi Eastburn is a certified hypnotherapist and author of "It's Conceivable". She said stress prevents many couples from being able to conceive.

"A lot of times, they become so obsessed with it, they can't stop thinking about it, talking about it," Eastburn said. "Their emotions are out of control."

Certified hypnotherapists promise to relieve that stress naturally and release any subconscious "blocks" using things like guided visualizations.

"There's also some techniques like a fear release and regression work and then sometimes we have blocks which occur because the subconscious mind responds to something that's happened in our lives," Eastburn said.

Olson's experience was so profound, she decided to become a hypnotherapist.

"I had to help other women who were going through the same things that I was," Olson said. "Achieve the goals and desires that they wanted out of their lives."

As for scientific proof about hypnofertility, a small Israeli study found increased success when hypnosis is used. Fertility expert Dr. Mousa Shamonki, with the UCLA Medical Center, said the study's design was not ideal.

"The reality of it is that, that we need better studies to assess whether hypnosis actually is beneficial," Shamonki said.

After seeing a fertility doctor, if a patient is interested in giving hypnosis a try, Shamonki said he would not object.

"If done properly, it's unlikely to be harmful," Shamonki said. "There may be a beneficial effect, but at least to this point, there's no conclusive evidence."

Eastburn and Olson said they see proof in their office every day.

"It's an amazing field to be in because we get the call, or somebody comes in to tell us that they're pregnant," Eastburn said.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine said it has no formal position on hypnosis and fertility. The group said more research needs to be done to see if therapy actually works.

Finding Niche In Career n Wealth

2009-08-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

Mastery Academy says...

We're entering the 2nd half of the year, and August 7th marks the entrance into Autumn season (August is the Ren Shen month). Speculations are rife that the conditions of the economy will worsen in the second half of the year compared to the first half. However, for many people, it is also the start of the 'great sales' in designer and luxury stores and the shopping malls!

When the prices start to slump, or take a major downward dip, many of you financially-astute types will be scrambling about to make some significant investments. Different Day Masters and BaZi structures (based on your BaZi chart) will be inclined towards different types of investments or businesses.

Can everyone do well in property investments? Not really, as not all investments are made equal. So what are the criteria for someone being able to do well in property investments? Well, it depends on whether or not your BaZi chart that favours the Earth element. It also depends on your BaZi structure.

Some of you will do well in the share market, while others will make a killing entering the franchise industry! In that same vein, some among us flourish while working for others, while some others are much better off working on our own.

All this boils down to your BaZi chart, and your BaZi structure. There are 5 types of BaZi career and wealth profiles that we all fall into. Here's a sample of each:

Wealth Profile: 'The Leader.' Results-oriented, driven, problem-solving, controlling.

Output Profile: 'The Star of the Show.' Witty, confident, articulate, innovative.

Companion Profile: 'The Networker.' Sociable, people-connectors, friendly, persuasive.

Influence Profile: 'The Nice Guy.' Stable, amiable, precise, peace-makers.

Resource Profile: 'The Thinker.' Methodical, analytical, risk-averse, structured.

Ghandhism

2009-08-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K.Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence, in his June 9
lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story:
~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban , South Africa , in the middle of the sugarplantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father asked me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced.

When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, "I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together."

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.

He anxiously asked me, "Why were you late?" I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western
movie that I said, "The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait," not realizing that he had already called the garage.

When he caught me in the lie, he said: "There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the
confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18
miles and think about it." So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly
unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him,
watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never
going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday.

That is the power of non-violence.

Cycle 23 : day #30 - Spotting red!

2009-08-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

Haiiiii...... another pending failure.

I am sure it will start flowing tonight. Its been proving many times before with this sign. I guess i will again, entitle myself to some pampering routine in the next few days. Its something i would give myself a temporary hideaway from cruel reality. For this failing cycle, i think i would probably want to hop on the next flight to Chengdu and hug a real panda bear for a photo. Yes, this is it. Chengdu it is.

Again, i have to prep myself mentally strong and healthy to brace another cycle. The method did indicated that the soonest possible pregnancy could be in lunar August and the latest pregnancy is ruled in lunar November. Checking the calendar now it says we are only coming to mid lunar June. So, i am not that upset. Still got time. Just that we've got to try harder in the coming cycle #24 because it's the next closer cycle to the early indication.

It got to work. I have no U-turn. The deposit placed for booking an IVF procedure has been refunded to me yesterday and the next open-promo for IVF will only be available in March 2010. I wouldn't want then as it might be toooooo late to catch a tiger baby.

Tiger is good for me and ok for Dino dad, but rabbit is a 100% no-no for a rooster Dino dad. So, this method got to work. But alas, Dino dad has been really really sick with over-heating internal body consecutive 2 months. Been downing lots of antibiotic. Also worry the toxicity level may be excreted out fully on time for the next ovulation. Tomorrow got to start him on Thomson Livrin 300.

Haiiiiii...........

Cycle 23 # Day 23 - Breast tenderness intense

2009-07-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

This morning, Dino dad left for Indonesia at 5.30am. If this deal go through, it will be the happiest time of his life. Of course, that would also mean a baby's on the way.

Situation still holding well. Breast tenderness getting intense which is a sign of regularity. Though its still very early, many baby-websites suggested that the first HcG reading can be taken on day 27.

I am back again on this very almost-deja-vu liked environment - of counting the signs and waiting in intense anticipation. Only this time, i've the chance to run my palms on a one-month old baby boy last evening. My neighbour invited us to join their open-house celebration of their second child. Despite haboring mountainous envy inside, i managed to put on an animated front. Anyway, i thought to myself, i hope this new baby and new-mom could drop some baby-dust on us.

MACC and Teoh controversy

2009-07-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

Teddy Stoddard

2009-07-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

She stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard .

Mrs.Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs.Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big 'F' at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs.Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners...He is a joy to be around..'

His second grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.'

His third grade teacher wrote, 'His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken.'

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.'

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains=2 0to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, 'Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.'

After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her 'teacher's pets'.

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, 'Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.'

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, 'Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you.'

(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Doctor at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Warm someone's heart today. . . pass this along. I love this story so very much, I cry every time I read it. Just try to make a difference in someone's life today? tomorrow? just 'do it'.

Random acts of kindness, I think they call it!

Cycle 23 # Day 14 - A day to remember

2009-07-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

Today, July 17, 2009 is a gui water sitting on pig (also a water). Water element may not be favorable in this water-earth year which already is a misty year with lots of musty natural disaster. But water is my output, which also referred to as my ability to produce children. On top of that, the Gui has taken precedence to be the nobleman star in July.

With lots of determination and self-control, i have pushed aside the great heartbreak that started since that fateful night on July 9. Somehow, as if there was a divine working magic in dousing out my sorrow temporarily to make way for a wonderful afternoon 2.45pm romp at home - to make a baby, of course. Suddenly it seemed all fallen pieces fell right back to its supposedly position by an unseen force so that the reality of having little dinos be deposited inside my canal to swim in direction for the egg on this very day with clear -stretchy mucous is evident.

We could have missed this important day. I could have continued my outburst and spoilt this day. But i didn't. Thank to all gods, the sex went well, though not perfect. That's all i would cared for now.

I didn't even have space left in my heart to symphatize the death of Teoh Beng Hock's extremely tragic but suspicious death. I am now very consumed with the thoughts of consumating all possible fertile days left of this month from today onwards. Its got to be a success. Gods know i have tried too many cycles. And we have put 'the method' to use. Please make it work.

Cycle 23 # Day 6 - July 9

2009-07-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

Starting to count again. And starting to watch what i eat. Its a good thing i had my thirst for sashimi quenched today. To get it over with. And to start anew.

Nope. I am not going to IVF now. Dropped that idea. Going natural. Got to remind myself to get refunded with my advance paid as a deposit for securing the package rate.

We have moved to sleep in the Northwest room too. Its our private TV room now left with only 15cm space left for walkabout after placing our 6 ft bed here. Very inappropriate for a bedroom but very comfortable and convenient with the TV facing us. Its like super first-class seat each time we retire for the evening or when we've bought our favorite DVD, lambasting our audio senses with the home theatre system on each corner while we snuggled comfortably beneath comfortable and a ribena on the side table.

I am anxious to see the noble star # 1 takes its effect on us; with a guai yan (nobleman) and a new pair of baby boys.... shame, shame on me...well, that's what i am wishing for.

Renewed Hope

2009-07-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

"Can succeed in conceiving."

As convincing as a decree laid upon me. As invigorating as a resurrection. To hear these words spoken directly to me brought tears to my eyes. It felt like died and returned. Perished hopes rebuilt. Wow renewed. Most wonderful words i've heard in months.

"The soonest is by lunar August or the latest is by lunar November".

As waves of emotions risen to pound on my senses as if to raise the dead in me to welcome the good news. No. I don't mean i'm pregnant now. But at least, for now, its the kind of words i needed to hear badly though my scientific mind is in its constant loops of reminding that proof is to be deemed ultimate. Somehow, i think i deserved to give myself a little hideaway into the believe-land so that i can thrash out the overhaul and rekindle the fire to try again. Reconditioning my mental energy to psych myself up to start counting cycles again.

Never mind letting go off my favorite sashimi. Keeps my hands off watermelon for a longer while and to continue the bitterness healthcare. We are going to welcome our first Tiger baby or babies next year. Yes! we can. And we will.

And most importantly, if this method really works, championing it would be a part of my life's missions, dedicated to all parents wannabe.

A story of true love

2009-06-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

A great story circulated on the internet and i think its well written.

Story begins...
I was born in a secluded village on a mountain. Day by day, my parents plowed the yellow dry soil with their backs towards the sky.

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me. I wanted to buy a handkerchief, which all girls around me seemed to have. So, one day I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer. Father had discovered about the stolen money right away.

He made me and my younger brother kneel against the wall as he held a bamboo stick in his hand. "Who stole the money?" he asked. I was stunned, too afraid to talk. Neither of us admitted to the fault, so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"

He lifted up the bamboo stick. Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said," Dad, I was the one who did it!" The long stick smacked my brother's back repeatedly. Father was so angry that he kept on whipping my brother until he lost his breath. After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother, "You have learned to steal from your own house now.
What other embarrassing things will you be possibly doing in the future? You should be beaten to death, you shameless thief!"

That night, my mother and I hugged my brother. His body was full of wounds from the beating but he never shed a single tear. In the middle of the night, all of sudden, I cried out loudly. My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, " Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened."

I still hate myself for not having enough courage to admit what I did.
Years gone by, but the incident still seemed like it just happened yesterday. I will never forget my brother's __expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old and I was 11 years old. When my brother was in his last year of secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central. At the same time, I was accepted into a university in the province. That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet.

I could hear him ask my mother, "Both of our children, they have good results? very good results?" Mother wiped off her tears and sighed," What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?" At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said,"Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."

Father swung his hand and slapped my brother on his face. "Why do you have a spirit so damn weak? Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets, I will send you two to school until you have both finished your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money. I stuck out my hand as gently as I can to my brother's swollen face, and told him, "A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to overcome this poverty we are experiencing."

I, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study at the university. Nobody knew that on the next day, before dawn, my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans. He sneaked to my side of the bed and left a note on my pillow; "Sis, getting into a university is not easy. I will go find a job and I will send money to you."

I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old. With the money father borrowed from the whole village, and the money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at a construction site,finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, while I was studying in my room, my roommate came in and told me,"There's a villager waiting for you outside!" Why would there be a villager looking for me? I walked out, and I saw my brother from afar. His whole body was covered with dirt, dust, cement and sand. I asked him, "Why did you not tell my roommate that you are my brother?"

He replied with a smile," Look at my appearance. What will they think if they would know that I am your brother? Won't they laugh at you?" I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes. I swept away dirt and dust from my brother's body. And told him with a lump in my throat, " I don't care what people would say! You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip. He put it on my hair and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it. So, I think you should also have one." I could not hold back myself anymore. I pulled my brother into my arms and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old. I noticed that the broken window was repaired the first time I brought my boyfriend home.

The house was scrubbed cleaned. After my boyfriend left, I danced like a little girl in front of my mother, "Mom, you didn't have to spend so much time cleaning the house!" But she told me with a smile,"

It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He hurt his hand while he was replacing the window."

I went into my brother's bedroom. Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.

I applied some ointment on his wound and put a bandage on it, "Does it hurt? " I asked him. "No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when at the construction site, stones keep falling on my feet . Even that could not stop me from working." In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolled down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old. After I got married, I lived in the city. Many times my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village,they wouldn't know what to do. My brother agreed with them. He said, "Sis, you just take care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory. We asked my brother to accept the offer of being the manager in the maintenance department. But my brother rejected the offer. He insisted on working as a repairman instead for a start.

One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable, when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital. My husband and I visited him at the hospital. Looking at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled,

"Why did you reject the offer of being a manager? Managers won't do something dangerous like that. Now look at you, You ar suffering a serious injury. Why didn't you just listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended his decision, "Think of brother-in-law. He just became the director, and I being uneducated, and would become a manager, what kind of rumors would fly around?" My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said, "But you lack in education only because of me!" "Why do you talk about the past?" he said and then he held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old. My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village. During the wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him, "Who is the one person you respect and love the most?"

Without even taking a time to think, he answered," My sister." He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.

"When I was in primary school, the school was in a different village.

Everyday, my sister and I would walk for 2 hours to school and back home.

One day, I lost the other pair of my gloves. My sister gave me one of hers.

She wore only one glove and she had to walk far. When we got home, her hands were trembling because of the cold weather that she could not even hold her chopsticks.

From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and will always be good to her." Applause filled up the room. All guests turned their attention to me. I found it hard to speak, "In my whole life, the one I would like to thank most is my brother," And in this happy occasion,in front of the crowd, tears were rolling down my face again.

*Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life.* You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot.

Have a nice day everyone! May this story inspire you in any way!

HCG Levels in pregnancy

2009-06-28T02:27:00.000-07:00

hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) is a hormone produced by the placenta during pregnancy. Home pregnancy tests (HPTs) and Blood serum tests are designed to detect it. hCG is detectable in the blood of pregnant women by 8-10 days after ovulation and the majority by 12 days past ovulation. This is when the embryo burrows itself into the lining of the uterus. This is also know as implantation. HCG rises progressively from conception. Levels double on the average, every 31-48 hours as the embryo grows until values reach 6500 mIU/ml (6,500 IU/L) at approximately the eighth week after the last menstrual period (LMP). After that the rate of rise becomes individualized, peaking between the 60th and 70th day (9 to 10 weeks) LMP (Last Menstrual Period). HCG decreases slightly between the 12th and 16th week post LMP, and then remains constant until birth.

HCG levels in normal pregnancy

Days Past Ovulation
7 Days - 5-50 (avg. 14)
14 Days - 5-50 (avg. 21)
21 Days - 5-50 (avg. 42)
28 Days - 10-425
35 Days - 19-7,340
42 Days - 1,080-56,500
7-8 weeks - 7,650-229,000
9-12 weeks - 25,700-288,000
13-16 weeks - 13,300-254,000
17-24 weeks - 4,060-165,400
25-40 weeks - 3,640-117,000

Normal Twin Pregnancy

Day after LH/HCG
14 Days - 68-313
15 Days - 38-159
16 days - 146-803
17 Days - 154-542
18 Days - 360-1760
19 days - 499-2509
21 Days - 963-5859

IMPROVING THE UTERINE LINING

2009-06-28T02:25:00.000-07:00

RESOURCE: For Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Blood flow to the endometrial lining measured as uterine artery resistance (pulsatility index or PI) and subendometrial flow is under hormonal control and has been shown to correlate with pregnancy outcome. If resistance of flow through the uterine artery is elevated or if flow of blood though the spiral arteries leading to the endometrium is low, successful pregnancy outcome is not expected. Decreased blood flow to the uterus has been shown to be increased and to result in increased successful pregnancy rate with treatment with both aspirin and sildenafil (Viagra).

Aspirin Therapy
Among women with increased resistance of blood flow through their uterine arteries who were treated with aspirin for a minimum of two weeks, the miscarriage rate decreased from 60% to 15%. An increase in subendometrial flow has also been noted with aspirin therapy. The usual dose of aspirin is 80mg a day (one baby aspirin). However, in an occasional woman as much as 360mg (one adult aspirin) has been required to see a beneficial effect on uterine blood flow. Do NOT go on this therapy without the advice of your physician.

Sildenafil (Viagra) Therapy
When aspirin is unsuccessful in improving uterine blood flow or if the miscarriages are associated with a thin (less than 9 mm) uterine lining, sildenfil (Viagra) has been used successfully to increase uterine blood flow. Viagra in the form of vaginal suppositories given in the dosage of 25 mg four times a day has been shown to increase uterine blood flow as well as thickness of the uterine lining. To date, we have seen significant improvement of the thickness of the uterine lining in about 70% of women treated. Successful pregnancy resulted in 42% of women who responded to the Viagra. It should be remembered that most of these women had previously experienced repeated IVF failures.

TTC Glossary

2009-06-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

TTC GLOSSARY
2WW = 2-Week Wait, tww
AF = Aunt Flo (menstruation)
AH, AZH = Assisted Hatching
AHI = At-home Insemination
AI = Artificial Insemination
AIH = Artificial Insemination from Husband
AO = Anovulation
AOA, AVA = Anti-ovarian Antibody
ART = Assisted Reproductive Technology
AWOL = A Woman On Lupron
BA = Baby Aspirin
BBT = Basal Body Temperature
BCP = Birth Control Pills
BD = Baby Dance (sex)
BFN = Big Fat Negative
BFP = Big Fat Positive!
BIL = Brother in law
C# = Cycle Number
CB = Cycle Buddy
CD = Cycle Day
CF = Cervical Fluid
CM = Cervical Mucus
CP = Cervical Position
CNM = Certified Nurse Midwife
DH = Darling (Dear) Husband
DP = Darling Partner
DD = Darling daughter
DS = Darling Son
D&C = Dilation & Curettage
D&E = Dilation & Evacuation
DPO = Days Post-Ovulation
DPC = Days Since Last Clomid pill was taken
DPR = Days Post-Retrieval
DPT = Days Post-Transfer
Dx = Diagnosis
E2 = Estradiol
EB, EMB = Endometrial Biopsy
EDD = Estimated Due Date
ENDO = Endometriosis
EPO = Evening Primrose Oil
EPT = Early Pregnancy Test
ET = Embryo Transfer
EW, EWCM = Eggwhite Cervical Mucus
FET = Frozen Embryo Transfer
FHR = Fetal Heart Rate
FIL = Father in law
FP = Follicular Phase
FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone
FTTA = Fertile Thoughts To All
FUR = False Unicorn Root
FV = Fertile Vibes
GIFT = Gamete Intra-fallopian Transfer
GnRH = Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone
GP = General Practitioner
hCG, HCG = Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
hMG, HMG = Human Menopausal Gonadotropin
HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
HRT = Hormone Replacement Therapy
HSC = Hysteroscopy
HSG = Hysterosalpingogram
ICI = Intra-cervical Insemination
ICSI = Intra-cytoplasmic Sperm Injection
IF = Infertility
ITI = Intra-tubal Insemination
IUI = Intra-uterine Insemination
IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
LAP = Laparoscopy
LH = Luteinizing Hormone
LMP = Last Menstrual Period (start date)
LMAO = Laughing My Ass Off
LO = Love Olympics (sex)
LOL = Laugh Out Loud
LP = Luteal Phase
LPD = Luteal Phase Defect
LSP = Low Sperm Count
LUF, LUFS = Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome
MC, m/c, misc. = Miscarriage
MF = Male Factor
MIFT = Micro Injection Fallopian Transfer
MIL = Mother in law
O, OV = Ovulation
OB = Obstetrician
OB/GYN = Obstetrician/Gynecologist
OC = Oral Contraceptives
OD = Ovulatory Dysfunction
OPK Ovulation Predictor Kit
OPT = Ovulation Predictor Test
OTC = Over The Counter
PCO = Polycystic Ovaries
PCOD = Polycystic Ovary Disease
PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
PCP = Primary Care Physician
PCT = Post Coital Test
PG = Pregnant
PID = Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
PMS = Pre-menstrual Syndrome
RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
R-FSH, R-hFSH = Recombinant Human Follicle Stimulating Hormone
RI = Reproductive Immunologist
Rx = Prescription
SA = Semen Analysis
SHG, SonoHSG = Sonohysterogram
SIL = Sister in law
STD = Sexually Transmitted Disease
TR = Tubal Reversal
TTC = Trying to Conceive
Tx = Treatment
UR = Urologist
US, u/s = Ultrasound
UTI = Urinary Tract Infection
V = Vasectomy
VR = Vasectomy Reversal
WNL = Within Normal Limits
ZIFT = Zygote Intra-fallopian Transfer

Scientitfic Diagnosing Failed TTC

2009-06-28T01:43:00.000-07:00

There have been many days and nights that i had silently made curses to... actually... myself!! Curse my previous lives karma that contributed to the many months failed TTC.

Becoming parents is not going to be easy for us, and we have to face that, and give in. The informations gathered below are my research on just the way the medical world thinks. Fertility specialists think that when a baby was lost, there'd probably never been a quick and easy testing that would tell us what went wrong, then we could do something simple that would totally prevent it from happening again. Sometimes, the only way to know there is a problem for sure is to lose another baby. I hate that, and am troubled by the practice, but the medical world goes by statistics, and here is why you may not be as aggressively tested as you would like following your first miscarriage:

After one miscarriage, your odds of another one are very small. Less than 20% of women who have miscarried will have repeated losses, so most doctors will assume that if you are healthy and had only one loss, particularly in the first trimester, that you will never have another one. This is pretty much true.

There are very few treatments to help you prevent a miscarriage. Most testing will not uncover a reason for a loss anyway, as early testing is just a shot in the dark. Even if testing showed a problem, there might not be anything more you can do than to assess the amount of risk you face for another one. The biggest bulk of miscarriages are caused by a random genetic error, which cannot be predicted or avoided. Because fetuses can JUST DIE! Don't play play.

Signing up for further tests, which often yields no conclusive answers, can be very expensive, especially done in Malaysia, time consuming, very stressful, and make you wait longer to try again sometimes can be as long as 6 months. Often by the time you do any of the more involved testing, such as endometrial biopsy, HSG, or laparoscopy, all of which require you to wait until a certain time in your cycle, of which unknowingly you could be pregnant again with a healthy baby. Let's hope no one is that bad luck ridden to have such coincidence.

Medical research also said that for would-be-parents who are over 35 and had one or two first trimester losses, they will be even less likely to get testing since the odds that the loss was a chromosomal problem with the egg are very high. There is nothing to do in this case but to keep trying for a better egg. Huh! easy to say. Some doctors, however, acknowledge that older moms might have undiagnosed health problems, and will test for the more common thyroid or lupus causes. True enough; i was diagnosed with hypothyroidsm on January 2008.

After three miscarriages in a row, it is best advised to stop trying on your own. Clearly, there's problem, and it must be found so to be treated. This, of course, if only true if the parent wannabes have never had a healthy baby. If there are born healthy children between the losses, the choice to test is becomes optional.

The Testing Process
A number of tests are easy to perform (blood test or vaginal culture only.) All but a few require that you not yet be pregnant again. If you are comfortable with your doctor and willing to fight for some testing, you can usually ask for and get the early testing ones done even after one loss:

Early Testing:
0 Progesterone monitoring by blood test (prior to pregnancy to check for luteal phase defect, and during early pregnancy to watch for deficiencies.)

0 Mycoplasma bacteria culture from cervix

0 Antinuclear and antiphospholipid antibodies in blood

0 Lupus Anticoagulant in blood

0 Underactive or overactive thyroid by blood

0 Exposure to German Measles, toxoplasmosis, Group B Streptococcus, or sexually transmitted diseases even if you tested negative prior to or early in pregnancy

More Extensive Testing
0 Progesterone Endometrial Biopsy (a bit of lining is scraped and checked)

0 Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) or "dye test" (dye is shot into the uterus and fallopian tubes and then x-rayed to look for malformations, fibroids, or blocked tubes)

0 Karyotyping of Baby or Pregnancy Tissue (tissue is grown in a dish to watch for cell division, which will reveal the chromosomal make up of the baby)

0 High Level Ultrasound of Reproductive Organs
Most Extensive Testing (some are limited to specialized centers and not available to regular OB/Gyns)

0 Laparoscopy or Hysteroscopy (minor surgical procedures where interior of reproduction organs are inspected with a lighted scope via a belly button incision (lap) or up through the dilated cervix)

0 Karyotyping Parents (blood cells are cultured and grown)

0 Genetic Counseling

0 Immune Factors

0 Antipaternal Leukocyte Antibodies

0 Antithyroid Antibodies

0 DQ Alpha & DQ Beta

0 Immunophenotype

0 Natural Killer Cell Assay

0 Tumor Nerosis Factor

0 Factor II (prothrombin) Mutation

0 Factor V Leiden Mutation

0 Methylene Tetrahydrofolate Reductase Mutation

Special Situation Testing
Parvovirus, or Fifth Disease (a recently active virus can be looked for if you work with small children, were exposed to the illness, or had symptoms. Most adults are already immune, but this test can see if you were not and perhaps were infected during pregnancy.)

Mercury blood levels (if exposure seemed high, usually through job function)

Pimples on face?

2009-06-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

In Mian Xiang (Chinese Face Reading), different parts of the face correspond to the different ages of an individual, or different aspects of one’s life. When those particular areas are afflicted by acne or blemishes, it will affect your luck outcome in different ways. Here’s what it means to have blemishes on different parts of the face:
Blemishes on the Sky Horse Area of the face, also known as the Travelling Palace, indicate frustrations or problems related to travelling. So if you’re going on a trip and spots appear on this area - you might want to be a little more careful.

Acne on the Life Palace (the space between your eyebrows) indicates that the person will be in a bad mood and prone to arguments and fights.

Pimples in the area between the eyebrows and the eye, or the Property Palace, suggests the possibility of mishaps at home - or the likelihood of a troubled home atmosphere.

Blemishes on the nose bridge (also known as the Mountain Roots) suggest the possibility of arguments with your spouse.

The appearance of spots on the nose tip, or on the nose wings, indicates the future loss of money through excessive spending or through bad investments, speeding fines and summonses, and the like.

Blemishes at the corners of the mouth suggest that you’re likely to be argumentative and get into disagreements and quarrels.

Pimples at the Hired Help Palace indicate that you’re likely to have problems with your staff, or your hired help (i.e. maids) at home.

The Nobleman 'Guai Yan'

2009-06-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

Joey Yap says:
The "Nobleman" or "Guai Yan" is a concept familiar to most Chinese. So it is not too surprising that the studies of BaZi and Feng Shui should pay special attention to this special "Star."

The "Nobleman" refers to people who are able to help you in times of need. Normally, such persons themselves are of higher social status (which makes it easier for them to rescue others), and these people are discreet about their benevolent act.

"Nobleman Luck" - the affinity of receiving aid from helpful persons - is reflected in one’s BaZi chart. Typically, the specific star has to be present in the original chart itself. Not only that, this star has to be a "favourable" element for the chart before it is considered as being truly helpful.

Otherwise, the presence of such a Nobleman star could mean disturbances from well-meaning individuals, but at inappropriate times. The Nobleman star can also appear in the Luck Pillars (10 year blocks) or even in certain years. Of course, the effects here would be temporary.

In Feng Shui, the Nobleman star is represented by the #1 White Star in the Flying Stars system. If you are familiar with the Eight Mansions system, the ‘Tian Yi’ (Heavenly Doctor) has similar supportive powers. Employing the help of these stars require discretion.

If you need someone to give you a little boost in your career, for example, find out the sector where the #1 White Star is and be there to receive it. Or sleep in a ‘Tian Yi’ direction, if you are looking for an effective doctor to aid you in times of ill health. But of course, remember your BaZi chart to begin with. If the Nobleman Star was already present in your Destiny chart, then you should be able to meet this helpful person indefinitely.

A Helping Hand
Many people worry, upon looking at their own BaZi charts, that they will not receive help in life due to the absence of such a star. Having a helping hand when needed most can make a difference in someone’s life or career. But bear in mind that the Nobleman star is only one of the various interesting aspects in BaZi (or Feng Shui).

Many make it big with their own two hands. Other stars, like the "Sky Horse" star, means that a person can be very successful when travelling or working abroad. The "Peach Blossom" star bestows an aura of likeability that is sure to make a difference if you are in sales, PR, or show business. These are just the few common ones.

It is not pre-requisite that these stars be present for any BaZi chart to be of good quality. Remember that the purpose of the BaZi is to identify what actions should be taken at certain points of time. This would naturally bring out the best possible outcome in our endeavours in life.

"If I do not have a Nobleman in my BaZi, can I still use Feng Shui to look for one?" Yes, you can.

For better results you should seek out the #1 White Star during years or months when the Nobleman "visits" your BaZi chart. But here is another suggestion: instead of worrying whether or not we will meet someone helpful, why not do something we know we are good at? That way, chances of a positive outcome become higher.

Who knows, when all our efforts are fully in-sync with our Destiny, we might not even need an extra hand.

I am Gemini

2009-06-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

The meaning of sign GEMINI
Let me check if this article by an astrologer holds water.

# Third sign of the zodiac
# Your element : air light-headed and freely?
# Your ruling planet : Mercury
# The corresponding tarot card to your sign : the lover
# Your lucky color : Gray one of my favorite color
# Your gemstone : Aquamarine don't know which

Your sign is the only double sign in the zodiac and because of that, it is fascinating.

This double aspect is both a source of benefit and of conflict. Yes, you can both like and hate at the same time, be both excited and bored. In short, you are full of contradictions. These create numerous tensions and are the source of many conflicts with your surroundings. This is so true. I can give love to anybody just as easily i can pick up hate on some one. When i decided to accept a person into my life, this person will absolutely enjoy my loyalty, devotion and forgiving unrequested. On the other hand, i have the capability to nurture an anger into hate on some one who are rude-beyond-boundary or idiotic-ignorant-selfish-graduate.

Your personality is thus subject to assault by many sensations, sometimes leading to delicate situations, especially in the area of feelings, (which are difficult for you to handle). How many times have you not been driven past enthusiasm to exhaustion, from an exaggerated life-style to the temptation to leave everything behind? Many. Your air element makes life difficult for you. You have a tendency to create complications because you have needs beyond those which others can satisfy. And you are not content with half-measures, or mediocrities. I admit and guilty at first degree. The hiring and firing over the past several years had weathered me out. Made me a monster. Having to cannon all my best to serve and fit into the elite groups and corporate clientele which many a times didn't receive the justifiable returns and propel thoughts of "giving up" to lead a simpler one-dish-one-soup life.

You have a vivid imagination which you want to make into reality, sometimes even though this is not possible. In this sense you are often disappointed by life, disappointed by others. In the domain of action, you either want to let go completely, or, you want to do one thousand things at a the same time. You start projects that you don't finish or that are impracticable. Yes, yes and very yes. Been there. Done that. Numerous childhood and teenager aspirations went unfulfilled, thrashed by the wake of reality ugliness. Life gotten worse from the day i put my vote into the ballot box. Blame the politics. And blame it all on human greed.

Yet, with your planet in Mercury, you inherited charm and the capacity for action. (But also for often wasted chances). Your relations with others are often difficult, leading to few long term relationships! Yet you have great potential and qualities that you may waste uselessly. Probably is due to my no-nonsense character, example; no patience for friends who don't help themselves despite repeated advice from me, no patience for neighbors who hang huge MsC or PhD or McD on their walls but never pick up the litter their kids deposited at my porch; definitely no forgiving for those schools of rakyat who think dogs are s*** but fail to realise that these lovely four legged creatures are creations by their beloved one and only creator (mind you, my beloved one and only doesn't know how to create anything).

Your main fault is a lack of constancy and combativeness. Sometimes when your difficulties are real, you can get yourself easily out of it when you decide to take things in hand and not change your view. You usually come through these situations well even though you have to fight against yourself. Well, i am actually quite proud of this trait. Got to salute it for it helped me sailed throw storms and resilient to victory at the end. Never regretted having this though some people think i'm too pig-headed...guok guok....

Xuan Kong - Double star combination in July 2009

2009-05-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

Mastery Academy says....

In the system of Xuan Kong Feng Shui, one of its key usages comes from the ‘9 Stars’ - each with its own unique name and function:

The three ‘White Stars’ #1, #6, and #8 are the general positive Stars: #1 governs nobility, #6 governs power, and #8 governs wealth.

The most feared Star is the #5 Yellow, known for bringing mishaps and illness once activated (either by renovation or by long-term exposure). This is followed by the illness Star #2 Black, the Robbery Star #7 Red, and the Argument Star #3 Jade.

Each of these Stars can meet to form combinations as well, bringing more diverse results.

How does the month of July fare this year?
The monthly stars are the same with the annual stars - which means all positive effects are doubled. All the negative effects are also doubled. The intensity of these effects, of course, depends a lot on your external forms.

Watch out if you have a North sector door or bedroom - go for a holiday. Use this sector as little as possible. Do not sign your contracts here. Remember, less exposure time means less chance for committing mistakes! The #5 being an Earth Star is also strongest now in July, the Goat month. Do not activate this sector by renovating or even nailing here. Once activated, mishaps will normally occur within 3 to 7 days. People are often curious as to what ‘mishaps’ mean. Common mishaps are car accidents, suffering from a fall, or injuries that require hospitalization. In some cases, there can be immense financial losses instead.

The double #8’s in the Southeast (SE) sector again brings potential for wealth - but don’t expect quick gains or money through liquidation. Earth in summer tends to harden. Look toward consolidating finances and increasing internal stability instead, if your main door is in the SE. If there is a hill to the SE, then the positive effects of the #8 will not be seen. There is too much Earth and as such, everything is buried and hidden. You should be looking at old unresolved issues coming back from the dead to haunt you now.
Aiyah! my SE sector is my whole staircase at home, and the pantry at my office....

When Earth is too thick, it requires Water to moisten. As such, a natural lake here would bring out the maximum wealth potential of the #8 White.

The repeating #2’s in the West palace, another Earth element Star, brings about additional stomach and skin-related problems. The only exception to this is when there is a visible hill or mountain to the West. Then the double #2’s is able to generate immense wealth from property-related ventures. How so? The #2 Black belongs to the element of Yin Earth - soft, fertile soil. It generally causes illness because soil contaminates water, resulting in viral/bacteria attacks. On the other hand, this is also the kind of Earth that can produce minerals and grow plants. As such, a nice green hill in the West would bring out the positive wealth-generating aspect of the #2 Black. Sigh... i seriously need to consider either to postpone my IVF procedure or move to sleep in the TV room. Can't risk my RM14,000 for another heartbreak. Or, move to TV room (a sector 1 - new beginning) maybe can enhance twin leh...

If you’re thinking that the month of the Goat will enhance the positive effects of the double #6’s - think again. While Earth (Goat) supports Metal (#6 White), too much Earth buries it instead. (Did you also notice that the #6 is already in the Southwest (SW) palace - an Earth palace?). This month sees a deadlock in authority if you have your office in this sector. Old rules will not work. Try something new and out-of-the-box. What’s the exception? A body of natural water in the SW external area. Water softens the Earth and makes the Metal shine. Great! i already have a nice big bubbling fountain in SW. Hope we can seal the China bird nests and palm oil mega deals...faster come faster come

There are multiple factors to consider when reading Xuan Kong Star Combinations. First there is the individual nature of each of the 9 Stars, and how they interact. Then we look at the external landforms to determine the quality of these stars. To further ‘read’ the outcome of star interactions we can also consider the Palace the Stars reside in, as well as the Season, and the occupants involved. That's why got to pay RM20,000 to learn from the Yap Master loh. If i can pay 20K, i don't need to study fengshui la. I rich already what....

Cycle 22 # Day 23 - Let's Talk about Caffeine

2009-05-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to care less for natural pregnancy to happen day by the day. Perhaps i have already started preparing mentally for IVF in July. Perhaps i am beginning to pile confidence on IVF or maybe i have been researching too much on IVF now that i am pretty sure it is my 'achievable' solution. Heck, i still have 8 more days to reveal the result for cycle 22. If i see red, well, i still have another month to attempt natural pregnancy. Now let's check out this interesting information about caffein and its effect on pregnancy. Although i am not so much a coffee person, i at least have the habit to choose 'cham' over 'teh' for my breakfast, a habit i started about 2 months back after i have made my own conclusion that the black tea i have been consuming religiously and beyond boundary - like 3-4 bags pure black tea everyday for almost 8 years - was one of the culprit of my failed TTC

NEW YORK, Oct 2005 (Reuters)
More than 300 milligrams of caffeine per day may reduce fertility by 27 percent.

How much caffeine are you consuming?
o Restaurant coffee has 350 mg in an 8 ounce cup
(starting tomolo can't hv 'cham' for breakfast already...sigh)
o Gourmet type coffee has 175 mg in an 8 ounce cup
o Brewed coffee has 115 mg in a 5 ounce cup
o One single shot of Espresso has 100 mg
o An 8 ounce Cappuccino has 100 mg
o Instant coffee has 57 mg per 6 ounce cup
o Decaffeinated coffee 5 mg in a 5 ounce cup
o Brewed tea varies between 20 to 110 mg per 6 ounce cup
o Iced Tea 12 ounces 70 mg
o Instant Tea 30 mg in a 7 oz cup
(I had 3-4 bags pure, daily, 8 years....die la)
o A 12 ounce can of Coke has 30 to 56 mg
(I had at least one can each week, 8 years....also sie liao)
o Diet Coke has 38 to 45 mg per can.
(No help, i preferred original coke all the time...slap myself)
o Sprite and 7-Up are caffeine free
(Ok, decided, Sprite & 7-Up it is, from now on)
o For precious Chocolate, 10 to 50 mg for just 2 ounces
(Luckily i am no fan of chocolate since young)
o Cocoa has 4 mg per 6 ounce cup
(No a fan of cocoa stuff too, lucky me)
o Pain relievers, 1 tablet is 30 mg and up
(Aiyo, why la, been developed headaches in recent months)

Have hubby drink a strong cup of coffee 30 minutes prior to intercourse! It has been said to give his spermies a boost!
...hahaha! But Dino dad don't fancy coffee.

Letter to Datuk Jean Todt (Datuk Michelle Yeoh's Boyfriend)

2009-05-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

I am an average Malaysian busybody. And also a petrol head. I am about to
shower on you the usual Malaysian hospitality. Here it goes.....

Dear Mr Todt,

On behalf of all average Malaysians, I would like to congratulate you on
being accepted by our Government into the Malaysian 2nd Home scheme. I
could see that you are well pleased as your application was approved
"faster than a Ferrari", to borrow your words. You see, our Government is
very efficient. If they want to. That is. But frankly Mr Todt, that was not
fast enough. Because Ferraris are not that fast. You should have said,
"faster than a Nissan GTR". Now, that would be damn fast!

May I welcome you to Malaysia , your second home. I am sure you will be
pleased to bits to be here. Frankly, you will feel at home here. There are
so many Ferraris on the road here. And they all drive within the speed
limit, namely, 110. But of course they forget, the 110 shown on the
Ferrari's speedometer is in mph. At the F1 track, there are also many
Ferraris, although, quite strangely, some of them could be seen resting in
the gravel trap at turn 13. I don't really know why.

You may want to know what an "average" Malaysian is. Allow me to describe.
Average Malaysians are simple men and women. In the good old Great Britain ,
they might be referred to as "the simpletons". But you must remember, in
Malaysia, there are 2 categories of "simple" people.

First, there are simple people with entitlements to a lot of things. Like
flying first class on tax payers' money. Like making technical trips to far
Disneyland, Dubai or where ever. Like staying in Presidential suites at 5
star hotels and being driven in a limousine rented for more than RM2000 a
day. These are simple people with entitlements and also with simple tastes.

The second category are the simple people without entitlement. These are
people like myself. You can meet these people on the streets of Malaysia ,
in the LRT, LCCT or at the Central Market in KL. Their Disneyland is in Ulu
Kelang. Their Presidential suite is in their own terrace houses. And they
are driven daily in buses which also, sometime, double up as mobile
caskets!

I was looking at your picture with your pretty girlfriend the other day Mr
Todt. Gosh, you look old! But don't fret. In Malaysia , you can get easy and
cheap treatment for your old look and start looking younger by the day. You
just have to eat what most simple men eat in Malaysia . We call it " tempe "
(pronounced "tempt-pay"). Eat that stuff dude. You will look younger in no
time. But it won't make you any taller though, sadly. Or any longer, for
that matter.

Hahaha...another well written and terrifically hillarious unknown email reached my inbox. Got to share this one. If you are a Malaysian, you will enjoy this joke.

If you are feeling a tad tired in bed, fret not Mr Todt. In Malaysia , we do
not take viagra. We take a herb called Tongkat Ali. I tell you. We have
Tongkat Ali coffee. We also have Tongkat Ali tea. Even Tongkat Ali isotonic
drinks we have. The other day, I even saw Tongkat Ali toothpaste. Although
I must confess that it escaped me as to the exact functions of the Tongkat
Ali in a toothpaste. Soon I heard, Petronas might have a Tongkat Ali
premium fuel for cars like your Ferraris. Perhaps, with that fuel, your
Scuderia or Maranello might be able to be nearer to the GTR's tailpipe on
the track. Just perhaps.

There are several things which you cannot do in Malaysia Mr Todt. First of
all, you cannot, ever ever, mention the name of a certain dead Mongolian
woman. No. You cannot do that. You see, I am not even mentioning it. Not
only that. You cannot read about her too. Or hear news about her. No, you
cannot. Remember that.

If you did, you might be arrested and put in the lock up. Oh no. You
wouldn't want that to happen Mr Todt. In the lock up, you might turn crazy
and beat yourself with certain blunt, hard, but flexible (let me repeat
that, "but flexible") object. This may cause lacerations and deep wounds on
your body. But again, do not fret Mr Todt. Because if you do not suffer
from an "underlying acute myocarditis", you will be okay. Meaning, you
won't die. You will only die if you have that condition. Otherwise, you may
continue to whack yourself silly with the blunt, hard but very flexible
object and nothing will happen to you. You might froth in the mouth, like
the first time you saw Ms Yeoh, but you will not die. Don't worry.

Speaking of being worried, are you worried about your safety in Malaysia ?
If you do, just call the Home Ministry. It will organise your detention
under the Internal Security Act, in order to protect your safety. You can
then wine and dine in a dimly lit dungeon. A blunt, hard, but very
flexible, object might be given to you for further safety. By the way,
while we are talking about safety, you may not want to go anywhere near a
place in KL called Chow Kitt. That place, mind you, is so unsafe that even
a police beat was closed down because the police were feeling unsafe!

Do you like reality TV Mr Todt? If you do, Malaysia is the place for you.
You can choose from an array of reality TV shows. We have all the reality
TV shows from the US and UK . But if you prefer local ones, there are also a
hell of a lot.

The thing is, Malaysia - the whole Malaysia , that is - is a reality show by
itself. But the voting takes place only once in 4 or 5 years. The current
reality show started on March the 8th last year. The voting will take place
within the next 4 years or so. But sometime, just to test the ground, there
will be "mini-voting". Just to allow all Malaysians a chance to show their
voting trend in the big one in 4 years time. So far, we already had 5 mini
voting.

Ask Ms Yeoh. She might be able to tell you who is leading in this reality
show. But then again, this show is so full of twists and turns that you
will never know. Just sit back and observe Mr Todt. I am sure there is no
other show on earth which is better than this Malaysian reality show. In
fact, this blog, and this whole business of you being accepted into this
Second home thingy is also a part of the show! Wooo....you are now an actor
Bro!

One more thing that you might notice soon Mr Todt is that we are obsessed
with the phrase "social contract". Everyone is talking about it, including
me. But nobody has ever seen it. Nope. Nobody. I will leave it to you then
to surmise whether we, Malaysian, are a hallucinating and delusional lot.

Then there is the mainstream mass media. These are local TV channels and
local newspapers. You can of course watch the news on these channels. Or
read them from the local newspapers. May I suggest however that after you
had done that, please read the same news on the internet. You will find
there are differences between the one which you read in the newspapers or
watch on the local TV and the one which you read on the net. You are of
course at liberty to believe which ever version you like. You would not
however be wrong to opine that Malaysian journalists are a schizophrenic
lot.

You might be used to some of our concepts here Mr Todt. In your country,
you pay taxes. Your Government then use your taxes to provide amenities for
you and all citizens. However, in Malaysia , despite your taxes, you still
have to pay tolls for using the highways and pay money for some people to
take care of your sewage, for example. You pay duties on your cars and also
road tax to use the same. You pay fees for broadband services but you only
get slow internet connection and when you ask the provider what the hell is
going on, they would say sorry Sir, the speed is on best endeavour basis.
Well, sometime, when you are tired, you might just say best endeavour my
fu@#ing foot, you cheats!

You will find, Mr Todt, that in the corporate world, Malaysia is quite
unique. For example, we have a monopoly business making a 900 million loss!
The CEO of that company then became CEO of the year!Then we have a
government fund management company whose investment shrunk by 10 billion
and instead of raising questions, their fund portfolio is increased by 10
billion too! Then we have a company which cannot deliver ships which they
were supposed to build for whatever billions. In your country, the buyer of
the ships would terminate the contract and sue the pants off of the ship
builder. But here we give extension of time to the builder and voluntarily
increase the price of the ships by a couple more billions! And until now
the ships are nowhere to be seen. Then we have some kind of a port service
area built for gazellions but it is not utilised.

Yes Mr Todt, we are a bit different from the others. Perhaps because we
take Tongkat Ali.

May you enjoy your stay in Malaysia Mr Todt.

Yours sincerely,

H. Art

PS: If you must know, Ferraris are lame!

2009-05-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

I have had some very interesting feedbacks from a few buddies the past few days.

Esther, suggested to let my tummy be touched by her favorite bomoh. Mind you, Esther is a staunch Buddhist. Her daughter was conceived after nenek touched her stomach one night twelve years ago. She was generally a too-weak-person to conceive. Esther ensured me this nenek is the good guy, along side with the true Islam path. Today, her daughter is one fine and pretty standard six scholar.

A Buddhist girlfriend, Veron, warned me not to go for the bomoh as she was convinced that if i should got pregnant later on, the 'it' would be a 'guai' jai' (dead child's soul). Strongly, she recommended that the right path should be paying homage to Kuan Yin PuSa and break some xing bui at each of my request. And if i got a negative xing bui, i should repeat the exercise until i get a positive reply from the divine.

On the other hand, a Christian girlfriend, Sylvea, expounded a long lecture on the existence of evil at work. Sylvea doesn't believe in ghosts but as a staunch Christian, she believed there are spirits. (...er.....aren't ghost and spirits same thingy?) Every living thing must be given by god and no other way, except evil's work on our temptation.

Emily, my other girlfriend, is drumming her conviction into my ears every now and then, to give Jesus a try, for my wish to have a baby. Emily is hundred percent confident that pregnancy is possible if i join her church for some prayer. Jesus is generous and will provide to those who need. Her first baby was a gift from god after she made her wish in church one and a half years ago.

A guy friend, Goh, discoursed "Na Mo Dai Bei Zhao". By the way, Goh is a young father of four, with the youngest at four months.

An elderly aunty-friend even recommended me to find any one who is willing to donate a piece of soiled diaper from their baby to take home and keep it by my bed. < It's a successful method brought down through generations.

Thank you to all of you, gals. Wonderful advice and sweet to know you care. I am blessed already.